1 00:00:12,930 --> 00:00:15,682 [I Big Pig: "I Can't Break Away"] 2 00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:17,179 Hi. Welcome to the future. 3 00:02:17,346 --> 00:02:20,682 San Dimas, California, 2688, 4 00:02:20,849 --> 00:02:23,185 and I'm telling you, it's great here. 5 00:02:23,352 --> 00:02:25,771 The air is clean. The water's clean. 6 00:02:25,937 --> 00:02:28,732 Even the dirt is clean. 7 00:02:28,899 --> 00:02:30,692 Bowling averages are way up. 8 00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:33,070 Mini-golf scores are way down. 9 00:02:33,236 --> 00:02:35,447 And we have more excellent water slides 10 00:02:35,614 --> 00:02:38,200 than any other planet we communicate with. 11 00:02:38,367 --> 00:02:41,244 I'm telling you this place is great. 12 00:02:41,411 --> 00:02:43,038 But it almost wasn't. 13 00:02:43,205 --> 00:02:49,044 You see, 700 years ago, the two great ones ran into a few problems. 14 00:02:49,211 --> 00:02:52,130 So now I have to travel back in time to help them out. 15 00:02:53,131 --> 00:02:55,717 If I should fail to keep these two on the correct path, 16 00:02:55,884 --> 00:02:57,969 the basis of our society will be in danger. 17 00:02:58,470 --> 00:03:01,056 Don't worry, it'll all make sense. I'm a professional. 18 00:03:01,223 --> 00:03:04,935 - [plays chord] - I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire. 19 00:03:05,102 --> 00:03:06,603 And I'm Ted "Theo..." 20 00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:10,774 - Bill, here, you take it. - OK. 21 00:03:13,151 --> 00:03:14,986 [Plays chord] 22 00:03:15,153 --> 00:03:18,281 - And I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan. - Yeah! 23 00:03:22,077 --> 00:03:23,120 [both play chord] 24 00:03:23,286 --> 00:03:27,124 [together] And we're Wyld Stallyns! 25 00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:32,629 - [playing discordant guitar solos] - [static, fizzling] 26 00:03:36,508 --> 00:03:38,135 - [Ted] Dude! ' [Coughing] 27 00:03:38,301 --> 00:03:39,469 [Bill] Let's bail. 28 00:03:49,312 --> 00:03:50,939 We blew it. 29 00:03:51,857 --> 00:03:53,942 Guess we used too much power. 30 00:03:54,109 --> 00:03:56,111 I liked it. 31 00:03:57,154 --> 00:04:02,951 Ted, while I agree that in time our band will be most triumphant, 32 00:04:03,118 --> 00:04:06,037 the truth is, Wyld Stallyns will never be a super band 33 00:04:06,204 --> 00:04:08,248 until we have Eddie Van Halen on guitar. 34 00:04:08,832 --> 00:04:12,669 Yes, Bill, but... l do not believe we will get Eddie Van Halen 35 00:04:12,836 --> 00:04:14,504 until we have a triumphant video. 36 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:17,340 Ted, it's pointless to have a triumphant video 37 00:04:17,507 --> 00:04:20,177 before we even have decent instruments. 38 00:04:20,343 --> 00:04:23,388 How can we have decent instruments when we really don't know how to play? 39 00:04:24,055 --> 00:04:26,141 That is why we need Eddie Van Halen. 40 00:04:26,308 --> 00:04:29,186 And that is why we need a triumphant video. 41 00:04:31,313 --> 00:04:32,647 - Excellent! - Excellent! 42 00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:33,774 [guitar solo plays] 43 00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:35,692 [clock chiming] 44 00:04:35,859 --> 00:04:37,360 Uh-oh. 45 00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:39,321 - We're late. - For what? 46 00:04:39,488 --> 00:04:42,240 - For school, dude. - Oh, yeah. 47 00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:53,376 Bill, I'm waiting. 48 00:04:55,670 --> 00:04:58,465 - He's dead? - [laughter] 49 00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:01,051 So Bill, what you're telling me, essentially, 50 00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:06,223 is that Napoleon was a short, dead dude. 51 00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:09,059 - [laughter] - Well, yeah. 52 00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:11,728 [whispering] You totally blew it, dude. 53 00:05:11,895 --> 00:05:14,022 - Ted, stand up. - Stand up? 54 00:05:14,189 --> 00:05:15,649 Yes, son, stand up. 55 00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:21,905 Now... who was Joan of Arc? 56 00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:26,910 - Noah's wife? - [laughter] 57 00:05:27,077 --> 00:05:28,662 [school bell rings] 58 00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:34,751 Listen guys, don't forget, tomorrow, final report, 1:30 to 3:30, OK? 59 00:05:40,632 --> 00:05:42,175 Hey, GUYS- 60 00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:48,640 Mr. Ryan, before you say anything, 61 00:05:48,807 --> 00:05:54,104 my distinguished colleague Ted and I wish to express to you our thanks 62 00:05:54,271 --> 00:05:56,690 for all the things we have learned in your class. 63 00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:58,942 And what have you learned? 64 00:06:01,778 --> 00:06:03,697 We have, uh... 65 00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:06,783 We've learned that the world has a great history. 66 00:06:07,409 --> 00:06:10,954 Yes, and that thanks to great leaders 67 00:06:11,121 --> 00:06:14,040 such as... Genghis Khan, 68 00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:16,793 Joan of Arc, and Socratic Method, 69 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:21,047 the world is... full of history. 70 00:06:24,134 --> 00:06:25,969 It seems to me that the only thing you have learned 71 00:06:26,136 --> 00:06:31,850 is that Caesar... is a salad dressing dude. 72 00:06:33,310 --> 00:06:35,478 Bill, Ted, this is really quite simple. 73 00:06:35,645 --> 00:06:37,856 You have flunked every section of this class. 74 00:06:39,316 --> 00:06:43,069 Now unless you get an A-plus on your final oral report tomorrow... 75 00:06:44,112 --> 00:06:47,282 ...guys, I have no choice but to flunk the both of you. 76 00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:51,786 Now you know your topics, so I would suggest that you at least 77 00:06:51,953 --> 00:06:56,082 cover those areas if you want to pass the course. 78 00:06:56,791 --> 00:06:59,044 - Understand? - [both] Yes, sir. 79 00:06:59,628 --> 00:07:00,879 [Mn Ryan] OK. 80 00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:04,382 Guys. 81 00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:09,346 Your report had better be something very special. 82 00:07:12,182 --> 00:07:13,516 Ah, man. 83 00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:18,855 [Ted] Well, what are we supposed to know for our report? 84 00:07:19,022 --> 00:07:20,148 [Bill] I'm not sure. 85 00:07:20,315 --> 00:07:23,568 One thing I know is that Joan of Arc is not Noah's wife. 86 00:07:23,735 --> 00:07:26,571 [Ted] Well then, who is Noah's wife? 87 00:07:26,738 --> 00:07:28,323 [Bill] I don't know, Ted. 88 00:07:29,032 --> 00:07:31,284 But I do know we're in serious trouble. 89 00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,662 Listen to this: [clears throat] 90 00:07:33,828 --> 00:07:36,831 "Express to the class how an important historical figure 91 00:07:36,998 --> 00:07:42,504 from each of your time periods would view the world of San Dimas, 1988." 92 00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:47,592 We're in danger of flunking most heinously tomorrow, Ted. 93 00:07:47,759 --> 00:07:48,718 [car horn honks] 94 00:07:48,885 --> 00:07:50,595 Hi, Bill. Want a ride? 95 00:07:50,762 --> 00:07:51,763 Sure, Missy. 96 00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:54,182 I mean, Mom. 97 00:07:57,227 --> 00:07:59,437 - Your stepmom's cute. - Shut up, Ted. 98 00:07:59,604 --> 00:08:01,314 Remember when she was a senior and we were freshmen? 99 00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:02,857 Shut up, Ted! 100 00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,778 [rock music playing on radio] 101 00:08:09,906 --> 00:08:12,158 I'll be right back, as soon as I get my books. 102 00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:24,921 Ted. 103 00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,590 What are you doing home, Dad? 104 00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:29,634 - I'm looking for my keys. - Oh. 105 00:08:29,801 --> 00:08:31,761 You haven't done anything with them, have you? 106 00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:34,431 No, sir. 107 00:08:34,597 --> 00:08:36,766 I spoke to your principal today, Ted. 108 00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:38,727 He said you're failing history. 109 00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:40,729 - Me and Bill... - He also said 110 00:08:40,895 --> 00:08:43,481 that if you fail history, you flunk out of school. 111 00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:47,444 You know what that would mean, don%you,Ted? 112 00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:51,614 That I would have to go to Oates Military Academy, sir. 113 00:08:51,781 --> 00:08:55,118 Uh-huh. I spoke to Colonel Oates this morning. 114 00:08:57,495 --> 00:09:00,457 He's anxious to meet you, Ted. 115 00:09:10,258 --> 00:09:12,093 [car starts] 116 00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:19,517 Dude, we gotta pass. Otherwise there's no more band. 117 00:09:19,684 --> 00:09:20,852 Why? 118 00:09:21,019 --> 00:09:23,897 My dad's sending me to military school. 119 00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:25,648 Where? 120 00:09:26,983 --> 00:09:28,485 Alaska. 121 00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:31,321 Alaska... 122 00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:34,991 [I Shark Island: "Father Time"] 123 00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:39,329 It is time. 124 00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:42,373 Their separation is imminent. 125 00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:13,947 Be excellent to each other. 126 00:10:15,406 --> 00:10:17,659 [together] Party on, dude. 127 00:10:30,255 --> 00:10:32,882 [electrical fizzling] 128 00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:48,106 [Bill] OK, Ted. George Washington. 129 00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:50,608 One: the father of our country. 130 00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:53,570 Two: born on President's Day. 131 00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:56,573 Three: the dollar bill guy. 132 00:10:56,739 --> 00:10:58,491 Bill, you ever made a mushroom out of his head? 133 00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:00,910 Ted... Alaska. 134 00:11:03,121 --> 00:11:06,416 OK. Um... 135 00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:09,961 Had wooden teeth, chased Moby Dick. 136 00:11:11,212 --> 00:11:13,256 That's Captain Ahab, dude. 137 00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:18,761 Oh, wait. Remember Disney World, the Hall of Presidents? 138 00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:20,763 Yeah, good, what'd he say? 139 00:11:22,056 --> 00:11:24,309 "Welcome to the Hall of Presidents." 140 00:11:24,475 --> 00:11:25,518 [knocking, door opens] 141 00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:28,813 Hi, I brought you guys some food. 142 00:11:28,980 --> 00:11:31,733 [I Shark Island: "Dangerous"] 143 00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:42,452 It's your mom, dude! 144 00:11:43,494 --> 00:11:44,746 How's it going, guys'? 145 00:11:46,122 --> 00:11:47,415 Bad! 146 00:11:48,249 --> 00:11:51,461 We are destined to flunk most egregiously tomorrow. 147 00:11:51,628 --> 00:11:56,549 And I am destined to end up at Oates Military Academy. 148 00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:59,135 And then we will never start our band. 149 00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:02,639 Good. 150 00:12:02,805 --> 00:12:04,432 Good. 151 00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:12,232 - What are you guys studying anyway? - History. 152 00:12:12,982 --> 00:12:14,317 - Mr. Ryan? - Uh-huh. 153 00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:16,444 Tell him, "hi." 154 00:12:16,611 --> 00:12:19,697 Why don't you guys take a dinner break? 155 00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:22,158 Thanks, Dad. 156 00:12:36,464 --> 00:12:39,717 Now your dad's going for it... in your own room! [chuckles] 157 00:12:39,884 --> 00:12:41,678 Shut up, Ted. 158 00:12:41,844 --> 00:12:44,847 - Your stepmom is cute, though. - Shut up, Ted. 159 00:12:45,014 --> 00:12:46,432 Remember when I asked her to the prom? 160 00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:48,184 Shut up, Ted! 161 00:12:50,353 --> 00:12:54,649 Twelve-seventy-five, 1275, 1275... 162 00:12:57,026 --> 00:12:59,237 OK, the lady in that car over there 163 00:12:59,404 --> 00:13:03,074 said that Marco Polo was in the year 1275. 164 00:13:03,241 --> 00:13:05,868 So it's not just a water sport, I knew it. 165 00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:10,540 Excuse me, when did the Mongols rule China? 166 00:13:11,416 --> 00:13:13,418 I don't know. I just work here. 167 00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:20,591 Well, you wanna try the Thrifty Mart? 168 00:13:20,758 --> 00:13:21,718 Sure. 169 00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:25,555 [thunder rumbling] 170 00:13:32,937 --> 00:13:36,190 [lightning crackling] 171 00:13:37,108 --> 00:13:38,651 Whoa! 172 00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:45,867 [both] Not bad. 173 00:13:50,121 --> 00:13:52,749 Greetings, my excellent friends. 174 00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:56,544 Do you know when the Mongols ruled China? 175 00:13:56,711 --> 00:14:00,923 Well... perhaps we could ask them. 176 00:14:04,135 --> 00:14:07,138 Bill S. Preston, Esquire... 177 00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:10,767 ...and Ted "Theodore" Logan. 178 00:14:11,601 --> 00:14:15,355 Gentlemen, I'm here to help you with your history report. 179 00:14:16,230 --> 00:14:17,440 What? 180 00:14:17,982 --> 00:14:18,941 How? 181 00:14:19,108 --> 00:14:21,778 [Bill and Ted yelling] Whoa! 182 00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:23,863 - Whoo! - I hate that part. 183 00:14:25,323 --> 00:14:27,283 - Bill? - What? 184 00:14:27,450 --> 00:14:31,037 Strange things are afoot at the Circle K. 185 00:14:36,793 --> 00:14:39,462 Dudes, you guys are gonna go back in time. 186 00:14:39,629 --> 00:14:40,588 Yeah! 187 00:14:40,755 --> 00:14:44,884 You are going to have a most excellent adventure through history. 188 00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:48,554 - Who are you guys? - We're you, dude! 189 00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:52,433 No way. No way! 190 00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:55,812 - Yes way, Ted! - Look, we know how you feel. 191 00:14:55,978 --> 00:14:58,189 We didn't believe it either when we were you 192 00:14:58,356 --> 00:15:01,109 and we-us said what we-us are saying right now. 193 00:15:01,275 --> 00:15:05,988 OK wait, if you guys are really us... 194 00:15:07,490 --> 00:15:09,325 ...what number are we thinking of? 195 00:15:10,493 --> 00:15:12,537 [both] Sixty-nine, dudes! 196 00:15:14,288 --> 00:15:15,623 [both] Whoa! 197 00:15:16,958 --> 00:15:19,335 [all imitating guitar solos] 198 00:15:19,502 --> 00:15:21,129 Look, we've gotta go. 199 00:15:21,295 --> 00:15:24,006 Yeah, we gotta get back to the report. 200 00:15:24,173 --> 00:15:25,842 Rufus! 201 00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:29,720 Listen to this dude, Rufus. He knows what he's talking about. 202 00:15:29,887 --> 00:15:33,599 Right. Oh, and Ted, give my love to the princesses. 203 00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:37,145 - Who? - You'll see. 204 00:15:38,521 --> 00:15:40,648 Gentleman... is everything all right? 205 00:15:40,815 --> 00:15:43,526 Yeah, except, how come... [continues indistinctly] 206 00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:47,280 Ted, don't forget to wind your watch! 207 00:15:49,574 --> 00:15:51,784 [both] Thanks, Rufus. 208 00:15:53,244 --> 00:15:55,371 [both] Catch ya later, Bill and Ted. 209 00:16:07,008 --> 00:16:09,760 Dude, are you sure we should be doing this? 210 00:16:10,678 --> 00:16:13,890 Ted, you and I have witnessed many things, 211 00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:18,019 but nothing as bodacious as what just happened. 212 00:16:18,186 --> 00:16:20,563 Besides we told ourselves to listen to this guy. 213 00:16:22,023 --> 00:16:23,566 What if we were lying? 214 00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:28,154 Why would we lie to ourselves? 215 00:16:34,076 --> 00:16:35,745 How are you gonna help us? 216 00:16:35,912 --> 00:16:38,289 Yeah, are you gonna call someone and get the answers? 217 00:16:38,456 --> 00:16:40,791 Gentlemen, we're gonna do a lot more than that. 218 00:16:40,958 --> 00:16:43,419 [dialing] 219 00:16:43,586 --> 00:16:46,422 [both] Whoa. Excellent. 220 00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,927 Brace yourselves, amigos. 221 00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:56,265 [electrical fizzling] 222 00:16:56,432 --> 00:16:57,767 [gulps nervously] 223 00:17:00,061 --> 00:17:01,103 Gentlemen... 224 00:17:03,272 --> 00:17:04,232 ...we're history. 225 00:17:04,398 --> 00:17:08,778 [Bill, Ted shouting] 226 00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:16,202 Rufus, where are we, dude? 227 00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:19,121 [Rufus] These are the circuits of history, gentlemen. 228 00:17:19,288 --> 00:17:21,916 They'll take us to any point in time we wish. 229 00:17:22,083 --> 00:17:23,960 How? 230 00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:26,629 Modern technology, William. 231 00:17:26,796 --> 00:17:29,131 [both] Whoa! 232 00:17:32,468 --> 00:17:35,513 [yelling] 233 00:17:41,811 --> 00:17:43,813 [sighs] 234 00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:48,442 - That was most unprecedented, Rufus. - Yeah. 235 00:17:50,319 --> 00:17:51,946 But where are we, Rufus? 236 00:17:53,614 --> 00:17:58,160 Austria, 1805, the French have just invaded. 237 00:17:58,327 --> 00:18:01,122 - [gunfire, booming] - [men speaking French] 238 00:18:01,289 --> 00:18:03,583 Bill, check it out! 239 00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:06,836 We're in the middle of a war, dude! 240 00:18:09,297 --> 00:18:10,840 [explosion] 241 00:18:13,342 --> 00:18:15,678 [speaking French] 242 00:18:18,889 --> 00:18:22,101 Amigos, time to depart. 243 00:18:24,478 --> 00:18:26,522 [both] How's it going, dude? 244 00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:29,025 [speaking French] 245 00:18:40,077 --> 00:18:44,206 [screaming] 246 00:18:44,373 --> 00:18:48,336 [shouting, gasping] 247 00:18:53,716 --> 00:18:57,720 - [cat yowls] - [electrical fizzling] 248 00:19:01,223 --> 00:19:02,558 Now where are we, dude? 249 00:19:03,893 --> 00:19:05,728 Oh, it's my house. 250 00:19:05,895 --> 00:19:10,399 Rufus, can we go anywhere we want, at any time? 251 00:19:10,566 --> 00:19:13,694 Gentlemen, you can do anything you want, as long as you remember this: 252 00:19:13,861 --> 00:19:17,907 no matter what happens, you must get to that report. Got it? 253 00:19:18,074 --> 00:19:21,619 All right, amigos, that book will give you the number 254 00:19:21,786 --> 00:19:26,248 of any place you want to go. Now, most important, 255 00:19:26,415 --> 00:19:29,001 no matter what you do, no matter where you go, 256 00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:34,799 that clock, the clock in San Dimas, is always running. Got it? 257 00:19:34,965 --> 00:19:38,219 - Yeah. - All right, time for me to go. 258 00:19:38,386 --> 00:19:39,845 What do you mean, Rufus? 259 00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:41,764 Yeah, aren't you coming with us? 260 00:19:41,931 --> 00:19:44,767 Gentlemen, you're on your own. 261 00:19:48,729 --> 00:19:50,898 [electrical fizzling] 262 00:19:58,948 --> 00:20:01,992 - Ted? - What? 263 00:20:02,159 --> 00:20:04,829 This has been a most unusual day. 264 00:20:14,004 --> 00:20:17,550 - [whispers] Ted, it's Napoleon. - Who? 265 00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:20,636 The short, dead dude from our history review. 266 00:20:21,887 --> 00:20:24,098 Ted, I have a most excellent idea. 267 00:20:24,265 --> 00:20:26,559 Grab his legs, we gotta get him inside. 268 00:20:28,602 --> 00:20:31,063 I think I've figured out a way to pass our report. 269 00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:32,314 How? 270 00:20:32,481 --> 00:20:34,608 Well, we've got one historical figure here. 271 00:20:34,775 --> 00:20:36,986 Maybe we can go back and get some more. 272 00:20:37,153 --> 00:20:38,362 [Ted] Yeah! 273 00:20:39,029 --> 00:20:41,866 [Ted] Deacon, you have to watch this guy. 274 00:20:42,032 --> 00:20:46,537 His name is Napoleon. He's a very famous French dude. 275 00:20:46,704 --> 00:20:49,373 We have decided to collect other important figures from history 276 00:20:49,540 --> 00:20:51,292 for an oral report we are doing. 277 00:20:51,459 --> 00:20:54,879 While we are gone, you are not to let him out of your sight. 278 00:20:55,045 --> 00:20:56,922 Here is some money. 279 00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:59,008 Take him to the movies or something. 280 00:21:06,182 --> 00:21:10,519 Napoleon, I am Bill. 281 00:21:12,146 --> 00:21:15,316 We'll take you back to France after you tell us what you think of San Dimas. 282 00:21:16,066 --> 00:21:18,944 - This is Ted's little brother, Deacon. - Hi. 283 00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:20,613 He'll take care of you. 284 00:21:24,366 --> 00:21:26,660 - Ready, Ted? - Ready, Bill. 285 00:21:26,827 --> 00:21:31,081 - Let's go back into history. - [guitar solo plays] 286 00:21:34,168 --> 00:21:36,295 This should be most triumphant. 287 00:21:37,588 --> 00:21:39,173 I want to speak with you, son. 288 00:21:40,674 --> 00:21:42,384 Alone please, Bill. 289 00:21:45,221 --> 00:21:46,764 All right, sit down. 290 00:21:49,975 --> 00:21:52,102 [father] What am I gonna do with you? You can't... [voice fades] 291 00:21:52,269 --> 00:21:53,354 Great. 292 00:21:53,729 --> 00:21:56,774 You lose my keys. You fail history. 293 00:21:56,941 --> 00:21:58,776 You spend all your time with your loser friend 294 00:21:58,943 --> 00:22:00,861 planning a band that'll never happen. 295 00:22:01,028 --> 00:22:03,364 Now you're not to leave this house again until tomorrow morning. 296 00:22:03,531 --> 00:22:05,533 [phone rings] 297 00:22:08,577 --> 00:22:10,371 - Yes? - [Bill, deep voice] Captain Logan? 298 00:22:10,538 --> 00:22:13,749 This is Deputy Van Halen down at the station. 299 00:22:13,916 --> 00:22:15,042 Deputy Van Halen? 300 00:22:18,212 --> 00:22:21,882 - [guitar solo plays] - I'm new, dude... sir. 301 00:22:22,049 --> 00:22:24,718 Look, we found your keys, 302 00:22:24,885 --> 00:22:28,597 and if you want 'em, you better come and get 'em. 303 00:22:28,764 --> 00:22:30,766 [dial tone] 304 00:22:31,642 --> 00:22:35,271 When I get back from the station, I want you packed and ready to go. 305 00:22:35,437 --> 00:22:36,438 Got it? 306 00:22:43,696 --> 00:22:45,573 We are in serious trouble. 307 00:22:45,739 --> 00:22:48,951 My dad already signed me up, my plane leaves tomorrow night. 308 00:22:49,952 --> 00:22:52,079 Only if we fail, dude. 309 00:22:56,542 --> 00:22:58,127 [both] No way! 310 00:22:59,628 --> 00:23:03,465 [Ted] OK, we got Sigmund Freud, Beethoven... Uh... 311 00:23:03,632 --> 00:23:08,012 [Bill] ls there one for Western Movement in America in the 19th Century? 312 00:23:09,179 --> 00:23:10,306 Yeah. 313 00:23:10,472 --> 00:23:12,016 Well then... 314 00:23:13,809 --> 00:23:15,769 ...let's reach out and touch someone. 315 00:23:17,146 --> 00:23:19,481 [dialing] 316 00:23:23,152 --> 00:23:27,323 [electrical fizzling] 317 00:23:38,709 --> 00:23:41,128 [Bill, Ted shouting] 318 00:23:41,295 --> 00:23:44,340 [man humming] 319 00:23:47,509 --> 00:23:49,762 - [continues humming] - [passes gas] 320 00:23:49,929 --> 00:23:55,100 - [humming] - [passes gas] 321 00:23:55,267 --> 00:23:58,187 [rumbling] 322 00:24:05,194 --> 00:24:07,029 How's it going, Old West Dude? 323 00:24:09,281 --> 00:24:12,201 [Ted] Hey, Bill, this is just like Frontierland. 324 00:24:12,368 --> 00:24:14,703 [Bill] Yeah, but you can get shot here, Ted. 325 00:24:14,870 --> 00:24:16,205 [Ted] Oh. 326 00:24:16,372 --> 00:24:19,041 - [Bill] Just try to act natural. - [Ted] OK. 327 00:24:22,753 --> 00:24:24,296 - [Bill] Howdy, partner. - [man] Howdy. 328 00:24:24,463 --> 00:24:26,090 [Bill] Watch out for the horse crap, Ted. 329 00:24:26,256 --> 00:24:28,342 [Ted] Ugh. Thanks, dude. 330 00:24:28,509 --> 00:24:30,761 - Hey, Bill, I'm totally thirsty. - [Bill] Me too. 331 00:24:42,731 --> 00:24:45,234 [up-tempo piano plays] 332 00:24:46,568 --> 00:24:47,945 Two beers, please. 333 00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:55,911 Whoa! He didn't even card us, dude! 334 00:24:56,078 --> 00:24:58,747 Yeah, we have to remember this place. 335 00:25:04,003 --> 00:25:07,256 So, who should we take with us? 336 00:25:08,424 --> 00:25:09,758 [gunshot] 337 00:25:09,925 --> 00:25:11,802 [shouting] 338 00:25:18,434 --> 00:25:20,978 - Who's he? - He's Billy the Kid. 339 00:25:22,479 --> 00:25:25,941 He's famous, dude. Let's bag him. 340 00:25:29,028 --> 00:25:30,904 I need two men. 341 00:25:32,448 --> 00:25:33,782 Who's with me? 342 00:25:34,658 --> 00:25:36,368 We're with you, Billy the Kid. 343 00:25:45,502 --> 00:25:50,299 Here's the deal. What I win, I keep. 344 00:25:50,466 --> 00:25:53,552 What you win, I keep. 345 00:25:54,428 --> 00:25:57,139 [both] Sounds good, Mr. The Kid. 346 00:26:11,487 --> 00:26:15,449 Dude, you gotta have a poker face, like me. 347 00:26:20,496 --> 00:26:22,456 Whoa! Three aces! 348 00:26:23,832 --> 00:26:26,168 What the hell's going on here, Billy? 349 00:26:27,836 --> 00:26:29,880 Are you cheating us, Kid? 350 00:26:31,799 --> 00:26:32,966 Cheatin'? 351 00:26:33,842 --> 00:26:36,762 Me? [yelling] 352 00:26:48,315 --> 00:26:49,858 Billy! 353 00:26:53,654 --> 00:26:55,030 [both] Excellent! 354 00:27:02,621 --> 00:27:05,415 Look, we're totally weak. 355 00:27:05,582 --> 00:27:07,709 We can't possibly fight you. 356 00:27:07,876 --> 00:27:11,463 However, how would you gentlemen like... 357 00:27:12,047 --> 00:27:16,593 ...free passes to Waterloo. Home of excellent water slides. 358 00:27:17,469 --> 00:27:19,513 Nice try, dude. 359 00:27:20,597 --> 00:27:22,891 Whoa! 360 00:27:24,059 --> 00:27:26,937 Whoa! 361 00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:30,232 - Whoa! - Whoa! 362 00:27:30,399 --> 00:27:31,525 What? 363 00:27:33,569 --> 00:27:34,778 Come on. 364 00:27:37,281 --> 00:27:39,908 - Look! - It's the Goodyear blimp. 365 00:27:40,075 --> 00:27:41,034 Huh? 366 00:27:42,077 --> 00:27:43,370 [grunting] 367 00:27:43,537 --> 00:27:44,746 ' [Yelps] " [gunshot] 368 00:27:44,913 --> 00:27:46,748 [yelling] 369 00:27:46,915 --> 00:27:49,334 [Bill] I can't believe they fell for that! 370 00:27:51,253 --> 00:27:52,838 Yeah! 371 00:27:54,214 --> 00:27:55,841 - Let's get 'em! - Kill 'em! 372 00:27:57,593 --> 00:27:58,427 Come on! 373 00:28:00,429 --> 00:28:03,515 - You guys saved my life. - Nothing doing, Billy the Kid. 374 00:28:03,682 --> 00:28:06,310 - Where we going? - The Golden Age of Civilization. 375 00:28:06,476 --> 00:28:08,604 - Where? - Ancient Greece, dude. 376 00:28:08,770 --> 00:28:11,815 Don't worry, we'll bring you back as soon as you talk in our report. 377 00:28:11,982 --> 00:28:13,609 - [yelling] - [electrical fizzling] 378 00:28:13,775 --> 00:28:14,610 What?! 379 00:28:20,824 --> 00:28:22,117 What the...? 380 00:28:36,173 --> 00:28:40,385 [speaking foreign language] 381 00:28:49,519 --> 00:28:51,104 Socrates. 382 00:28:51,813 --> 00:28:53,815 - Hey, we know that name. - Yeah! 383 00:28:53,982 --> 00:28:56,151 Hey, look him up. 384 00:28:56,818 --> 00:29:00,322 - Oh. It's under So-crates. - Oh, yeah. 385 00:29:04,284 --> 00:29:06,161 "So-crates: 386 00:29:06,328 --> 00:29:11,083 'The only true wisdom consists in knowing that you know nothing."' 387 00:29:13,502 --> 00:29:16,505 - That's us, dude! - Oh, yeah! 388 00:29:17,339 --> 00:29:19,091 - Let's bag him. - Yeah. 389 00:29:19,841 --> 00:29:20,842 [speaking foreign language] 390 00:29:35,399 --> 00:29:36,858 How's it going? 391 00:29:45,659 --> 00:29:48,620 I'm Bill, this is Ted. 392 00:29:48,787 --> 00:29:50,122 We're from the future. 393 00:29:52,291 --> 00:29:54,876 Socrates. Hm... 394 00:29:55,627 --> 00:29:57,045 Now what? 395 00:29:58,213 --> 00:29:59,631 I don't know. 396 00:30:00,924 --> 00:30:02,843 Philosophize with him. 397 00:30:06,388 --> 00:30:08,223 [clears throat] 398 00:30:08,390 --> 00:30:13,395 All we are is dust in the wind, dude. 399 00:30:21,486 --> 00:30:22,612 Dust. 400 00:30:24,531 --> 00:30:26,825 - Wind. - Dude. 401 00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:30,245 [gasps] 402 00:30:37,252 --> 00:30:38,920 Ha! [laughs] 403 00:30:39,087 --> 00:30:40,714 Let's get out of here, dude. 404 00:30:40,881 --> 00:30:43,216 [laughing] 405 00:30:45,635 --> 00:30:47,888 - [rumbling] - [shouting] 406 00:30:48,055 --> 00:30:50,432 - [electrical fizzling] - Whoa! 407 00:30:50,599 --> 00:30:51,975 [Ted] All right! 408 00:30:52,768 --> 00:30:54,936 [Socrates exclaiming] 409 00:30:56,521 --> 00:30:57,939 [Billy the Kid] Yee-ha! 410 00:30:58,106 --> 00:30:59,983 Not bad, eh, So-crates? 411 00:31:01,610 --> 00:31:05,697 - Where are we, dude? - England, 15th century. 412 00:31:05,864 --> 00:31:08,533 We are in most excellent shape for our report. 413 00:31:08,700 --> 00:31:11,286 Yeah, all we need is one more speaker from medieval. 414 00:31:11,453 --> 00:31:12,788 Excellent. 415 00:31:12,954 --> 00:31:16,249 Billy, you are dealing with the oddity of time travel 416 00:31:16,416 --> 00:31:18,293 with the greatest of ease. 417 00:31:19,878 --> 00:31:21,630 Excuse me. 418 00:31:21,797 --> 00:31:25,008 Do you know where there are any personages of historical significance 419 00:31:25,175 --> 00:31:26,802 around here? 420 00:31:29,971 --> 00:31:31,598 [all] Whoa! 421 00:31:33,767 --> 00:31:35,310 [Ted] Check it out. 422 00:31:37,187 --> 00:31:39,147 It must be the castle of King Henry. 423 00:31:40,023 --> 00:31:41,650 Let's go, dude! 424 00:31:43,443 --> 00:31:45,487 Billy, guard the booth. 425 00:31:46,154 --> 00:31:47,989 And watch So-crates. 426 00:31:50,826 --> 00:31:52,160 [Billy the Kid] So-crates. 427 00:31:52,327 --> 00:31:55,747 So, who should we get from medieval? 428 00:31:57,999 --> 00:32:00,502 How about that gnarly old goat dude? 429 00:32:02,003 --> 00:32:03,505 Ted? 430 00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:06,091 I'm in love, dude. 431 00:32:10,053 --> 00:32:11,972 Whoa! 432 00:32:12,889 --> 00:32:17,561 Those must be the princesses you told yourself about at the Circle K. 433 00:32:19,396 --> 00:32:23,150 We gotta go, it's a history report, not a babe report. 434 00:32:23,942 --> 00:32:25,360 But Bill... 435 00:32:26,194 --> 00:32:29,406 ...those are historical babes. 436 00:32:30,615 --> 00:32:34,369 OK, you're the ladies man, 437 00:32:34,536 --> 00:32:36,329 how we gonna meet 'em? 438 00:32:45,797 --> 00:32:47,466 Excellent. 439 00:32:47,632 --> 00:32:49,968 [both grunt] 440 00:32:55,515 --> 00:32:57,559 - [Ted] Bill? - [Bill] What? 441 00:32:57,726 --> 00:33:01,396 - [Ted] These are heavy. - [Bill] Yeah, heavy metal. 442 00:33:01,563 --> 00:33:04,065 - [laughing] - [guitar solo plays] 443 00:33:04,232 --> 00:33:06,485 [laughing] 444 00:33:07,319 --> 00:33:09,321 [Ted] We gotta go find the princesses. 445 00:33:09,488 --> 00:33:11,406 - [Bill] Yeah. - [grunting] 446 00:33:11,573 --> 00:33:12,741 [Bill] Watch it! 447 00:33:13,617 --> 00:33:15,410 [Ted] Who turned out all the lights? 448 00:33:15,577 --> 00:33:17,787 - Hey, Bill? - [Bill] What? 449 00:33:17,954 --> 00:33:20,248 [Ted, deep voice] I'm Darth Ted. 450 00:33:21,458 --> 00:33:24,753 [Bill] Yeah, well I'm Luke Bill. And you're not my father. 451 00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:27,631 [mimicking sound effects] 452 00:33:27,797 --> 00:33:29,007 Come on! 453 00:33:36,765 --> 00:33:38,058 Hey! 454 00:33:38,225 --> 00:33:40,602 I totally conquered you, dude! 455 00:33:40,769 --> 00:33:42,229 No way! 456 00:33:42,395 --> 00:33:44,105 Come on! 457 00:33:45,607 --> 00:33:47,484 I'll never rule the universe with you. 458 00:33:47,651 --> 00:33:49,319 [laughing] 459 00:33:50,403 --> 00:33:51,446 ' [Ted] Hey, Bill. ' [Bin] What? 460 00:33:51,613 --> 00:33:53,114 [Ted] We totally know how to sword fight. 461 00:33:53,281 --> 00:33:55,700 Yeah! 462 00:33:55,867 --> 00:33:58,620 Ah! Whoa! 463 00:33:58,787 --> 00:33:59,955 [grunting] 464 00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:08,129 Ted. 465 00:34:18,807 --> 00:34:19,975 Ted. 466 00:34:22,143 --> 00:34:24,437 [man] Search the castle, there might be more of them. 467 00:34:59,514 --> 00:35:02,684 - Get out of here! - [whimpering] 468 00:35:06,980 --> 00:35:08,148 Bogus. 469 00:35:10,692 --> 00:35:12,068 Heinous. 470 00:35:15,614 --> 00:35:18,116 Most non-triumphant. 471 00:35:22,203 --> 00:35:27,500 Ah, Ted... don't be dead, dude. 472 00:35:36,926 --> 00:35:40,055 You killed Ted, you medieval dickweed! 473 00:35:41,389 --> 00:35:43,683 [shouting] 474 00:35:51,816 --> 00:35:53,360 [man laughs] 475 00:36:01,785 --> 00:36:03,495 Whoa! 476 00:36:04,871 --> 00:36:07,582 - Ted, you're alive! - Yeah! 477 00:36:07,749 --> 00:36:10,001 I fell out of my suit when I hit the floor. 478 00:36:12,879 --> 00:36:14,089 [both] Fag. 479 00:36:15,215 --> 00:36:17,258 Dude, you totally boned that dude in the head. 480 00:36:17,425 --> 00:36:18,593 Yeah! 481 00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:20,428 He's a total bonehead. 482 00:36:20,929 --> 00:36:23,932 ...that fat old man. I must find a way to escape before the night. 483 00:36:24,099 --> 00:36:25,767 But how? 484 00:36:27,268 --> 00:36:29,562 - What's that? - Whoa... 485 00:36:30,480 --> 00:36:31,773 Boys. 486 00:36:31,940 --> 00:36:34,067 I can't believe they're here. 487 00:36:36,945 --> 00:36:39,447 [both] How's it going, ladies? 488 00:36:40,740 --> 00:36:42,534 You're the ones we saw in front of the castle. 489 00:36:45,036 --> 00:36:48,289 I am Ted of San Dimas. 490 00:36:49,165 --> 00:36:53,128 And, uh... I bring to you a message of love. 491 00:36:53,294 --> 00:36:55,296 [giggling] 492 00:36:55,463 --> 00:37:00,093 - From who? - From... from myself. 493 00:37:00,260 --> 00:37:03,054 And what is this message you speak of? 494 00:37:04,264 --> 00:37:06,015 Uh... 495 00:37:06,182 --> 00:37:09,185 [whispers] Lyrics, dude. Recite 'em some lyrics. 496 00:37:13,481 --> 00:37:17,193 Oh, you beautiful babes from England, 497 00:37:17,360 --> 00:37:19,362 for whom we have traveled through time. 498 00:37:20,947 --> 00:37:23,366 Will you go to the prom with us in San Dimas? 499 00:37:23,533 --> 00:37:27,287 - We will have a most triumphant time. - Way to go, dude. 500 00:37:27,454 --> 00:37:31,166 - [man] Joanna! Elizabeth! - It's father! 501 00:37:41,092 --> 00:37:43,595 - What does your father want? - We're to be married 502 00:37:43,762 --> 00:37:47,015 - to horrible old men today. - No way! 503 00:37:47,182 --> 00:37:49,058 Will you help us escape? 504 00:37:50,351 --> 00:37:52,479 [both] Of course, babes. 505 00:37:57,192 --> 00:37:59,527 How's it going, royal ugly dudes? 506 00:38:03,198 --> 00:38:05,700 I am the Earl of Preston. 507 00:38:05,867 --> 00:38:09,537 And I am the Duke of Ted. 508 00:38:22,884 --> 00:38:26,221 Put them in the iron maiden. 509 00:38:26,387 --> 00:38:28,097 Iron Maiden? 510 00:38:28,264 --> 00:38:29,682 [both] Excellent! 511 00:38:29,849 --> 00:38:31,851 - [guitar solo plays] - Execute them! 512 00:38:32,727 --> 00:38:34,395 “INN Bogus. 513 00:38:36,773 --> 00:38:38,149 We'll save you, babes! 514 00:38:41,694 --> 00:38:43,738 [man] Witches! Heretics! 515 00:38:43,905 --> 00:38:46,950 I saw them! They fell from the sky! 516 00:38:47,116 --> 00:38:49,452 Heretics! 517 00:38:49,619 --> 00:38:51,454 They fell out of the sky! 518 00:38:52,372 --> 00:38:56,417 They had fire in their eyes, and they had horns! 519 00:38:56,709 --> 00:38:59,254 [fanfare plays] 520 00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:07,136 Off with their heads! 521 00:39:07,303 --> 00:39:08,471 Oh, no. 522 00:39:13,268 --> 00:39:15,144 - Bill? - What? 523 00:39:15,311 --> 00:39:20,191 I believe our adventure through time has taken a most serious turn. 524 00:39:23,945 --> 00:39:26,531 [grunting] 525 00:39:27,407 --> 00:39:29,117 _ Huh? ' [murmuring] 526 00:39:31,661 --> 00:39:33,329 - Billy! - So-crates! 527 00:39:33,496 --> 00:39:34,956 Let's go! 528 00:39:36,833 --> 00:39:38,793 - Guards! After them! - Ah! 529 00:39:38,960 --> 00:39:41,796 - So-crates! - Bye, babes! 530 00:39:43,798 --> 00:39:45,800 [Bill] Catch you later, medieval dudes. 531 00:39:46,426 --> 00:39:48,636 Kill them! Guards! 532 00:39:52,932 --> 00:39:54,809 - [man] Stop them! Stop them! - [shouting] 533 00:39:57,103 --> 00:39:58,479 [Ted] Hurry up, Billy! 534 00:39:59,814 --> 00:40:00,773 Get out of the way! 535 00:40:00,940 --> 00:40:03,318 Move out of the way! Come on, get out of here! 536 00:40:05,486 --> 00:40:07,655 [laughs] 537 00:40:16,539 --> 00:40:19,500 [all shouting] 538 00:40:32,680 --> 00:40:35,767 [Socrates shouting] 539 00:40:35,934 --> 00:40:37,352 Whoa! 540 00:40:37,518 --> 00:40:38,811 Whoa! 541 00:40:46,861 --> 00:40:48,196 Dial fast, dude! 542 00:40:51,199 --> 00:40:53,868 [woman] I'm sorry, the number you have dialed is not in service at this time. 543 00:40:54,035 --> 00:40:55,870 Please check your directory and dial again. 544 00:40:56,037 --> 00:40:57,997 - Oh, no. - Party on, dude. 545 00:41:01,709 --> 00:41:04,504 - Bill! - [dialing] 546 00:41:04,671 --> 00:41:06,673 OK, I got one, let's go! 547 00:41:09,509 --> 00:41:12,595 [all shouting] 548 00:41:12,762 --> 00:41:15,264 [electrical fizzling] 549 00:41:16,516 --> 00:41:18,893 [shouting] 550 00:41:31,072 --> 00:41:34,325 [slow electric guitar music playing] 551 00:41:40,999 --> 00:41:43,001 You guys stay here. 552 00:41:45,586 --> 00:41:47,588 [whispers] Where are we, dude? 553 00:41:48,798 --> 00:41:50,216 I don't know. 554 00:41:51,801 --> 00:41:54,262 They sure do play excellent music. 555 00:41:54,429 --> 00:41:56,514 Most outstanding. 556 00:42:16,034 --> 00:42:18,745 - It's you. - Yeah! 557 00:42:18,911 --> 00:42:20,538 It's us! 558 00:42:20,705 --> 00:42:22,331 Who are we? 559 00:42:22,498 --> 00:42:25,501 [♪ Robbie Robb: "In Time"] 560 00:43:12,090 --> 00:43:15,009 Bill, I think they want us to say something. 561 00:43:16,219 --> 00:43:17,845 What should I say? 562 00:43:19,013 --> 00:43:20,264 Make something up. 563 00:43:28,981 --> 00:43:31,692 Be excellent to each other. 564 00:43:31,859 --> 00:43:36,197 [gasping, murmuring] 565 00:43:38,324 --> 00:43:39,992 Party on, dudes! 566 00:43:40,785 --> 00:43:43,037 - Good one, dude. - [chuckles] 567 00:43:47,917 --> 00:43:51,170 Well, we gotta get back to our report. 568 00:43:51,337 --> 00:43:53,131 Yeah, we'd take you with us, 569 00:43:53,297 --> 00:43:57,176 but it's a history report, not a future report. 570 00:44:00,680 --> 00:44:02,056 Later. 571 00:44:02,765 --> 00:44:04,142 [all] Later. 572 00:44:07,395 --> 00:44:09,397 Let's get back and do our report. 573 00:44:09,564 --> 00:44:11,357 Good idea. 574 00:44:17,196 --> 00:44:20,158 [electrical fizzling] 575 00:44:28,249 --> 00:44:31,085 - Dude, where're we going? - I don't know. 576 00:44:31,252 --> 00:44:32,628 I think the booth's broke. 577 00:44:32,795 --> 00:44:36,674 We gotta keep going to San Dimas until we get back and get Napoleon. 578 00:44:36,841 --> 00:44:38,968 [bells ringing, video game sound effects] 579 00:44:39,135 --> 00:44:40,428 Behold. 580 00:44:40,595 --> 00:44:42,763 Behold, the Ziggy Pig. 581 00:44:42,930 --> 00:44:46,517 The single greatest ice cream spectacle known to man. 582 00:44:46,684 --> 00:44:48,811 [chanting] Eat the pig. Eat the pig. 583 00:44:48,978 --> 00:44:51,314 Ziggy, ziggy, ziggy, Zig! 584 00:44:52,315 --> 00:44:54,609 Whoo-hoo! 585 00:44:54,775 --> 00:44:57,028 [speaking French] 586 00:44:59,280 --> 00:45:02,742 It's ice cream. You eat it. 587 00:45:04,452 --> 00:45:05,494 It's good. 588 00:45:07,914 --> 00:45:09,081 [speaking French] 589 00:45:10,166 --> 00:45:11,626 Whatever, just eat it. 590 00:45:15,546 --> 00:45:16,547 [Napoleon] Hm... 591 00:45:25,890 --> 00:45:27,683 [belches] 592 00:45:29,018 --> 00:45:31,938 [whooping, bells ringing] 593 00:45:32,104 --> 00:45:35,149 All behold, he ate the pig. 594 00:45:35,316 --> 00:45:39,320 Thus proving that he's a Ziggy Piggy, 595 00:45:39,487 --> 00:45:43,157 Ziggy Piggy, Ziggy Piggy- 596 00:45:43,324 --> 00:45:45,701 [snorting] 597 00:45:58,339 --> 00:45:59,882 What's that? 598 00:46:04,011 --> 00:46:05,346 I don't know. 599 00:46:09,684 --> 00:46:12,019 - Shit! - Whoa! 600 00:46:12,186 --> 00:46:15,314 [yelling] 601 00:46:28,327 --> 00:46:31,372 [rumbling] 602 00:46:31,539 --> 00:46:34,375 [electrical fizzling] 603 00:46:35,126 --> 00:46:36,627 Where'd we land now? 604 00:46:38,129 --> 00:46:40,256 Dude, it's Sigmund Freud. 605 00:46:40,423 --> 00:46:42,633 How much time have we got left? 606 00:46:43,384 --> 00:46:45,261 Tons! Why? 607 00:46:45,428 --> 00:46:47,638 Extra credit, dude! 608 00:46:51,392 --> 00:46:52,977 How's it going, Freud dude? 609 00:46:55,062 --> 00:46:56,856 [speaking German] 610 00:47:03,946 --> 00:47:06,073 Let go of me. What are you doing? 611 00:47:09,076 --> 00:47:11,370 [classical piano playing] 612 00:47:38,314 --> 00:47:40,024 [electrical fizzling] 613 00:47:40,191 --> 00:47:42,610 [crashing] 614 00:47:44,945 --> 00:47:48,908 - [crowd murmuring] - [speaking German] 615 00:47:49,075 --> 00:47:50,451 [Bill] Come on, So-crates. 616 00:47:50,618 --> 00:47:52,078 [man shouting in German] 617 00:47:52,244 --> 00:47:54,497 [electrical fizzling] 618 00:48:17,395 --> 00:48:20,147 - [rumbling] - [whispering in French] 619 00:48:20,314 --> 00:48:23,818 - [electrical fizzling] - [crashing] 620 00:48:23,984 --> 00:48:26,153 [♪ Power Tool: "Two Heads Are Better Than One"] 621 00:48:26,320 --> 00:48:28,239 [gasps] 622 00:48:40,334 --> 00:48:42,420 [Ted] Welcome aboard, Ms. Joan of Arc. 623 00:48:43,170 --> 00:48:45,881 My name's Ted, and this is Bill. 624 00:48:46,048 --> 00:48:47,842 [rumbling] 625 00:49:00,813 --> 00:49:02,356 [Spits] 626 00:49:06,026 --> 00:49:08,863 - [rumbling, electrical fizzling] - Oh! 627 00:49:12,867 --> 00:49:14,535 Want a Twinkie, Genghis Khan? 628 00:49:14,702 --> 00:49:16,245 Say "please." 629 00:49:16,412 --> 00:49:19,373 Mm... 630 00:49:19,540 --> 00:49:21,041 Come on, guys! Jump him! 631 00:49:21,208 --> 00:49:22,751 - [thunder cracking] - [all gasping] 632 00:49:22,918 --> 00:49:24,253 [electrical fizzling] 633 00:49:24,420 --> 00:49:26,213 [knocking] 634 00:49:26,380 --> 00:49:27,381 [Billy the Kid] Candygram. 635 00:49:38,350 --> 00:49:41,687 - Yes, what can I... - [grunting] 636 00:49:43,522 --> 00:49:47,443 - [electrical fizzling] - [shouting] 637 00:49:47,610 --> 00:49:51,780 We've got plenty of time, but we don't have any more room left. 638 00:49:51,947 --> 00:49:54,074 - [Bill] Ted, we're outta control. - [Ted] What? 639 00:49:54,241 --> 00:49:57,828 The next place we stop we gotta try and figure out what's wrong with the booth. 640 00:49:57,995 --> 00:50:00,247 [all shouting] 641 00:50:02,416 --> 00:50:04,418 [fizzling] 642 00:50:06,295 --> 00:50:09,965 Bill, I think I got an idea what's wrong. 643 00:50:10,132 --> 00:50:11,300 What? 644 00:50:11,467 --> 00:50:14,011 [Ted] The antenna's broken. 645 00:50:16,096 --> 00:50:19,099 [both screaming] 646 00:50:21,977 --> 00:50:23,771 Yeah! All right. 647 00:50:52,967 --> 00:50:54,885 [speaking French] 648 00:51:11,652 --> 00:51:14,780 [yelling in French] 649 00:51:16,907 --> 00:51:17,992 Come on, let's ditch him. 650 00:51:24,331 --> 00:51:26,959 [speaking French] 651 00:51:32,214 --> 00:51:34,008 [speaking French] 652 00:51:34,174 --> 00:51:36,010 Hold on there. Not so fast, buddy. 653 00:51:36,176 --> 00:51:39,555 - Buddy? - You ain't paid yet. 654 00:51:39,722 --> 00:51:42,057 - Pay? - Pay. 655 00:51:46,687 --> 00:51:49,273 I don't want to see you around here anymore! Beat it! 656 00:51:49,440 --> 00:51:50,899 [speaking French] 657 00:51:51,066 --> 00:51:52,693 Beat it, buddy! 658 00:51:54,194 --> 00:51:55,487 Idiot! 659 00:52:12,421 --> 00:52:13,422 Deacon! 660 00:52:18,385 --> 00:52:21,013 [birds calling] 661 00:52:23,641 --> 00:52:28,228 Here is a treat to make a minor prehistoric pit stop 662 00:52:28,395 --> 00:52:30,272 a bit more enjoyable. 663 00:52:32,524 --> 00:52:33,525 Thank you. 664 00:52:42,618 --> 00:52:43,911 Uh-oh. 665 00:53:02,096 --> 00:53:03,555 Thanks, guys. 666 00:53:07,393 --> 00:53:08,936 I sure hope this works. 667 00:53:17,152 --> 00:53:19,947 [electrical crackling] 668 00:53:23,742 --> 00:53:25,494 I think it's working, dude. 669 00:53:26,245 --> 00:53:28,997 [grunting] 670 00:53:30,207 --> 00:53:32,876 [shouting] 671 00:53:38,632 --> 00:53:40,175 Just a little farther... 672 00:53:40,801 --> 00:53:41,969 ...I hope! 673 00:53:48,934 --> 00:53:51,562 Hey! That's us. 674 00:53:51,729 --> 00:53:53,188 We're back in San Dimas. 675 00:53:53,355 --> 00:53:57,526 [Bill] Yeah, only now it's not now. It's last night. 676 00:53:57,693 --> 00:53:59,236 - Dude. - What? 677 00:53:59,403 --> 00:54:01,238 Let's go talk to ourselves. 678 00:54:01,405 --> 00:54:02,865 Excellent. 679 00:54:03,031 --> 00:54:04,324 What do we say anyway, anyways? 680 00:54:04,491 --> 00:54:07,619 I don't know. Let's go find out. 681 00:54:08,537 --> 00:54:10,539 [both] Sixty-nine, dudes! 682 00:54:10,706 --> 00:54:13,167 [both] Whoa! 683 00:54:14,001 --> 00:54:15,711 [Ted] Look dudes, we've gotta go. 684 00:54:15,878 --> 00:54:17,671 Rufus! 685 00:54:18,797 --> 00:54:21,759 Listen to this dude Rufus, he knows what he's talking about. 686 00:54:21,925 --> 00:54:26,263 Right. Oh, and Ted, give my love to the princesses. 687 00:54:27,181 --> 00:54:29,850 - Who? - You'll see. 688 00:54:31,185 --> 00:54:33,562 Gentlemen, is everything all right? 689 00:54:33,729 --> 00:54:37,024 Yeah, except how come the number we dialed for San Dimas 690 00:54:37,191 --> 00:54:39,818 brought us here instead of to tomorrow, Rufus? 691 00:54:39,985 --> 00:54:42,988 Because in San Dimas it is tomorrow, William. 692 00:54:43,155 --> 00:54:45,532 You have to dial one number higher. 693 00:54:45,699 --> 00:54:49,203 Oh, yeah. Thanks Rufus. 694 00:54:49,369 --> 00:54:51,872 And you better hurry, because you don't have much time. 695 00:54:52,039 --> 00:54:54,958 What do you mean, Rufus? We got ten hours left. 696 00:54:55,876 --> 00:54:58,420 You got two hours. 697 00:54:58,587 --> 00:55:01,215 Ted, you forgot to wind your watch again. 698 00:55:01,381 --> 00:55:03,550 Even after you reminded yourself not to. 699 00:55:03,717 --> 00:55:05,719 Well, I better remind myself again. 700 00:55:05,886 --> 00:55:09,014 Ted, don't forget to wind your watch! 701 00:55:10,057 --> 00:55:12,017 [both] Thanks, Rufus. 702 00:55:14,353 --> 00:55:15,896 [both] Catch ya later, Bill and Ted. 703 00:55:17,856 --> 00:55:20,859 That conversation made more sense this time. 704 00:55:21,026 --> 00:55:22,945 Ted, you're too tall, man. 705 00:55:23,111 --> 00:55:26,448 - [grunting] - [muttering] 706 00:55:30,244 --> 00:55:32,913 - [humming] - [electrical crackling] 707 00:55:33,080 --> 00:55:35,082 [shouting] 708 00:55:35,249 --> 00:55:37,584 - [Bill] Great, we made it! - Huh? 709 00:55:37,751 --> 00:55:38,752 [Billy the Kid] Whoa! 710 00:55:38,919 --> 00:55:43,799 - Who's the sefiorita? She's cute. - [Ted] It's his mom, dude. 711 00:55:47,427 --> 00:55:51,014 - Hi, guys. - Hi, Missy. I mean Mom. 712 00:55:51,181 --> 00:55:55,644 Uh, Mrs. Preston, we'd like you to meet some of our friends. 713 00:55:55,811 --> 00:55:59,273 Yeah, this is, uh, Dave Beethoven. 714 00:55:59,439 --> 00:56:01,233 Ah. [speaking German] 715 00:56:01,400 --> 00:56:05,779 And, uh... Maxine of Arc. Missy. 716 00:56:06,572 --> 00:56:08,198 Herman the Kid. 717 00:56:08,365 --> 00:56:10,284 Bob Genghis Khan. 718 00:56:11,368 --> 00:56:13,704 - So-crates Johnson. - Hi. 719 00:56:13,871 --> 00:56:16,999 Dennis Freud and, uh... 720 00:56:19,960 --> 00:56:21,503 ...Abraham Lincoln. 721 00:56:22,337 --> 00:56:24,673 Well, it's nice to meet you all. 722 00:56:24,840 --> 00:56:26,383 There are sodas in the fridge. 723 00:56:28,260 --> 00:56:30,053 Mom, can you give us a ride someplace? 724 00:56:30,220 --> 00:56:33,390 Bill, I'm not taking you anywhere until you do your chores. 725 00:57:09,968 --> 00:57:11,470 [all] Done! 726 00:57:13,305 --> 00:57:15,599 This is the San Dimas mall. 727 00:57:15,766 --> 00:57:18,894 And this is where people of today's world hang out. 728 00:57:20,103 --> 00:57:22,439 All right, everybody, watch your step getting off. 729 00:57:22,606 --> 00:57:25,192 Beethoven, make sure you don't get sucked under. 730 00:57:28,028 --> 00:57:30,697 Everybody get together, remember who your buddy is. 731 00:57:32,032 --> 00:57:34,368 So-crates, watch out for your robe, dude. 732 00:57:37,704 --> 00:57:41,083 OK, follow me. 733 00:57:41,375 --> 00:57:44,586 You've got your Broadway down here, and got your Sears over here. 734 00:57:45,504 --> 00:57:47,506 The stratification of our society 735 00:57:47,673 --> 00:57:49,716 is much like Marie Antoinette's. 736 00:57:49,883 --> 00:57:52,386 The few possess much, while the masses 737 00:57:52,552 --> 00:57:54,805 possess little but their television sets. 738 00:57:54,972 --> 00:57:57,265 This dichotomy led to a revolution 739 00:57:57,432 --> 00:58:00,185 in which Antoinette and her husband were beheaded. 740 00:58:00,352 --> 00:58:03,105 Today, leaders are impeached rather than beheaded. 741 00:58:04,231 --> 00:58:08,402 Still, while in her day, Marie Antoinette said "Let them eat cake," 742 00:58:08,568 --> 00:58:11,363 perhaps today she would say, "Let them eat fast food." 743 00:58:11,530 --> 00:58:14,199 [applause] 744 00:58:17,911 --> 00:58:21,289 - Enjoy. - OK, look around, see what you think. 745 00:58:21,456 --> 00:58:24,209 We'll be back as soon as we find Napoleon. OK? 746 00:58:24,376 --> 00:58:27,004 Come on, dude, we don't got much time. 747 00:58:27,754 --> 00:58:29,589 Yes, but what do we... 748 00:58:30,090 --> 00:58:31,925 You ditched Napoleon?! 749 00:58:32,092 --> 00:58:35,637 Deacon, do you realize you've stranded one of Europe's greatest leaders 750 00:58:35,804 --> 00:58:37,931 - in San Dimas? - He was a dick. 751 00:58:41,143 --> 00:58:43,812 Well... how are we gonna find him? 752 00:58:47,232 --> 00:58:52,320 OK, wait, if we were one of the greatest generals in history, 753 00:58:52,487 --> 00:58:58,243 and we were stranded in San Dimas for one day, where would we go? 754 00:59:01,872 --> 00:59:03,623 [both] Waterloo! 755 00:59:03,790 --> 00:59:05,625 [rock music plays] 756 00:59:05,792 --> 00:59:07,252 [children laughing] 757 00:59:16,344 --> 00:59:18,263 Eleven children, please. 758 00:59:18,430 --> 00:59:20,182 Are you OK? 759 00:59:31,651 --> 00:59:33,111 [speaking French] 760 00:59:33,278 --> 00:59:35,155 [screaming] 761 00:59:47,459 --> 00:59:49,503 [child] This is fun! 762 00:59:49,669 --> 00:59:51,963 [speaking French] 763 00:59:52,714 --> 00:59:54,466 Buddy, you're holding up the line! 764 00:59:58,804 --> 01:00:00,055 [speaking French] 765 01:00:00,222 --> 01:00:01,389 Come on, buddy. 766 01:00:01,556 --> 01:00:03,517 [screaming] 767 01:00:03,683 --> 01:00:06,103 [♪ Vital Signs: "The Boys And Girls Are Doing it"] 768 01:00:20,450 --> 01:00:21,993 [giggling shout] 769 01:00:26,248 --> 01:00:28,708 [laughing] 770 01:00:34,005 --> 01:00:37,134 [shouting in French] 771 01:01:12,085 --> 01:01:13,587 [inaudible dialogue] 772 01:01:24,139 --> 01:01:25,724 [speaking French] 773 01:01:25,891 --> 01:01:28,935 Come on, Napoleon. Everybody's waiting for us. 774 01:01:29,102 --> 01:01:31,855 - No, no, no! - Yes, yes, yes! 775 01:01:35,358 --> 01:01:39,613 [woman] Why be soft and flabby when you can be firm and trim? 776 01:01:39,779 --> 01:01:43,241 When you can have a body that cries out, "Look at me, admire me." 777 01:01:43,408 --> 01:01:46,328 With our specialized weight training and aerobics program, 778 01:01:46,494 --> 01:01:50,207 we can help you attain the kind of body you've only dreamed of having. 779 01:01:50,373 --> 01:01:53,501 - All right, let's go ladies! - [up-tempo music plays] 780 01:01:53,668 --> 01:01:56,296 You guys are looking great! 781 01:01:56,463 --> 01:02:00,425 OK, jumping jacks. Jump! Jump! 782 01:02:05,472 --> 01:02:07,182 You a musician? 783 01:02:09,851 --> 01:02:12,020 Well here, try this. 784 01:02:12,187 --> 01:02:14,231 [electronic tune plays] 785 01:02:26,326 --> 01:02:28,912 [laughing] 786 01:02:30,956 --> 01:02:32,666 [playing random notes] 787 01:02:35,627 --> 01:02:37,504 [woman] What is...? 788 01:02:38,838 --> 01:02:41,174 - What are they doing? - [inaudible dialogue] 789 01:02:41,800 --> 01:02:43,635 Look at his sandals. Ooh! 790 01:02:45,136 --> 01:02:47,389 - [woman 1] I don't know. - [woman 2] He's creepy. 791 01:02:47,555 --> 01:02:50,100 - Weird, huh? - Oh, they're coming over. 792 01:02:53,353 --> 01:02:58,400 Hi. I'm Billy, this here is So-crates. 793 01:02:58,566 --> 01:03:00,777 - Socrates. - We're from history. 794 01:03:00,944 --> 01:03:01,903 [girls laughing] 795 01:03:02,070 --> 01:03:03,905 [chuckles nervously] 796 01:03:04,072 --> 01:03:08,243 Hello, I'm Dr. Freud. But you may call me Siggy. 797 01:03:08,410 --> 01:03:10,537 - Oh, my God! ' Uaughing] 798 01:03:11,579 --> 01:03:15,917 You both seem to be suffering from a mild form of hysteria. 799 01:03:16,835 --> 01:03:19,087 You are such a geek. 800 01:03:22,507 --> 01:03:24,426 Way to 90. egghead. 801 01:03:26,261 --> 01:03:29,806 - Geek! [laughs] - What is a "geek"? 802 01:03:32,559 --> 01:03:33,727 Huh... 803 01:03:34,894 --> 01:03:36,396 Oh... 804 01:03:39,357 --> 01:03:40,775 Oh. 805 01:03:48,450 --> 01:03:50,368 [grunting] 806 01:03:53,204 --> 01:03:54,581 [shouting] 807 01:03:55,165 --> 01:03:58,585 - [buzzer sounds] - [grunting] 808 01:03:58,752 --> 01:04:00,420 [shouting] 809 01:04:02,380 --> 01:04:04,257 I need some help. I've got a live one here. 810 01:04:08,511 --> 01:04:09,637 - OK... - Thank you. 811 01:04:09,804 --> 01:04:11,639 ...I need the Lincoln hat and the stupid beard back. 812 01:04:11,806 --> 01:04:15,643 You don't understand, I'm Abraham Lincoln. 813 01:04:15,810 --> 01:04:17,395 Yeah, right. Ha, ha, ha. 814 01:04:17,562 --> 01:04:18,646 Now, come on, mister... 815 01:04:18,813 --> 01:04:21,483 This is my hat and my beard. I am...! 816 01:04:21,649 --> 01:04:23,526 [up-tempo classical music plays] 817 01:04:25,612 --> 01:04:28,114 [classical and rock styles combined] 818 01:04:29,908 --> 01:04:32,118 Keep it up! You're looking great! 819 01:04:47,300 --> 01:04:49,803 Yah! 820 01:04:51,179 --> 01:04:52,680 [man] Hey! That crazy there! 821 01:04:52,847 --> 01:04:54,766 - Son, hold it right there. - Get that guy off there. 822 01:04:54,933 --> 01:04:55,934 Oh! 823 01:04:59,145 --> 01:05:00,814 [man] Stop him! 824 01:05:01,648 --> 01:05:03,149 [shouting] 825 01:05:05,235 --> 01:05:07,320 - Yee-haw! - [gunshot] 826 01:05:07,487 --> 01:05:09,447 - Ya-ha! - [gun clicking] 827 01:05:09,614 --> 01:05:12,200 [rock mix continues] 828 01:05:13,660 --> 01:05:15,787 - No, Sig, over here. - Sorry, miss. 829 01:05:15,954 --> 01:05:16,913 Excuse me, miss. 830 01:05:17,080 --> 01:05:19,624 - Move, move. - Pardon me. 831 01:05:20,708 --> 01:05:22,127 [Freud] Oh, no. 832 01:05:22,293 --> 01:05:24,003 I demand a lawyer. 833 01:05:24,170 --> 01:05:26,005 Don't get smart with me, buddy. Let's go. 834 01:05:31,010 --> 01:05:33,179 [indistinct chatter] 835 01:05:38,476 --> 01:05:40,103 [indistinct protests] 836 01:05:42,480 --> 01:05:44,023 Hey, there they are! 837 01:05:45,650 --> 01:05:48,945 [all shouting] 838 01:05:50,530 --> 01:05:52,699 Ah! 839 01:05:52,866 --> 01:05:54,909 [man] All right, come on, Grandpa. 840 01:05:55,201 --> 01:05:57,162 [grunting] 841 01:05:59,414 --> 01:06:00,748 [both] 50g us! 842 01:06:00,915 --> 01:06:03,501 [all shouting] 843 01:06:03,668 --> 01:06:05,128 That's enough. 844 01:06:13,761 --> 01:06:16,055 Mom, can't you go any faster? 845 01:06:16,222 --> 01:06:19,058 [tires screeching] 846 01:06:21,519 --> 01:06:23,771 [phone ringing] 847 01:06:27,358 --> 01:06:29,861 [speaking foreign language] 848 01:06:31,738 --> 01:06:35,450 I want to know why you claim to be Sigmund Freud. 849 01:06:35,617 --> 01:06:38,203 Why do you claim I'm not Sigmund Freud? 850 01:06:38,369 --> 01:06:41,122 Why do you keep asking me these questions? 851 01:06:42,123 --> 01:06:43,750 Tell me about your mother. 852 01:06:44,459 --> 01:06:47,337 - Oh, God. - Would you like a couch to lie on? 853 01:06:47,504 --> 01:06:49,547 No, I don't want a couch to lie on. 854 01:06:49,714 --> 01:06:52,383 [shouting in German] 855 01:06:56,930 --> 01:06:58,556 All right, what's your name? 856 01:06:58,723 --> 01:07:00,099 Abraham Lincoln. 857 01:07:00,266 --> 01:07:03,770 That's L-I-N-C-O-L-N. 858 01:07:03,937 --> 01:07:06,189 I know how to spell Lincoln. 859 01:07:08,942 --> 01:07:10,902 What's your birthday, Mr. Lincoln? 860 01:07:11,069 --> 01:07:14,989 February 12th, 1809. 861 01:07:18,243 --> 01:07:21,120 [boy] Everything is different, but the same. 862 01:07:21,287 --> 01:07:25,250 Things are more moderner than before, 863 01:07:25,416 --> 01:07:29,671 bigger, and yet smaller. 864 01:07:29,837 --> 01:07:31,464 [laughter] 865 01:07:33,800 --> 01:07:35,218 It's computers. 866 01:07:38,846 --> 01:07:41,641 - [indistinct shouts] - [boy] Take your time! 867 01:07:42,684 --> 01:07:44,978 San Dimas High School football rules! 868 01:07:45,144 --> 01:07:47,313 [cheering] 869 01:07:59,325 --> 01:08:01,995 [Ted] I can't believe my dad arrested them all. 870 01:08:03,663 --> 01:08:05,039 What are we gonna do? 871 01:08:05,206 --> 01:08:08,334 OK, Ted, you go in and talk to your dad. I'm gonna scope the place out. 872 01:08:08,501 --> 01:08:12,130 Missy, I mean Mom, please keep an eye on Napoleon. 873 01:08:14,632 --> 01:08:15,633 Stay! 874 01:08:20,513 --> 01:08:22,557 All right, lock him up with the rest of those wackos. 875 01:08:22,724 --> 01:08:24,559 - I am a lawyer, you know... - Dad! 876 01:08:24,726 --> 01:08:27,395 - You pack your bags, Ted. - What? 877 01:08:27,562 --> 01:08:28,688 You're going to military school. 878 01:08:28,855 --> 01:08:30,523 - But, Dad... - No, I don't want to hear it, Ted. 879 01:08:30,690 --> 01:08:32,358 - But... - Ted, you go home 880 01:08:32,525 --> 01:08:34,444 and you pack your bags, now! 881 01:08:42,076 --> 01:08:43,703 - How'd it go? - Bad. 882 01:08:43,870 --> 01:08:47,540 Our historical figures are all locked up and my dad won't let them out. 883 01:08:48,625 --> 01:08:50,043 Can we get your dad's keys? 884 01:08:50,209 --> 01:08:53,087 I could steal them, but he lost them two days ago. 885 01:08:53,254 --> 01:08:57,216 If only we could go back in time to when he had them and steal them then. 886 01:08:58,134 --> 01:09:00,553 Well, why can't we? 887 01:09:00,720 --> 01:09:02,055 'Cause we don't got time. 888 01:09:02,221 --> 01:09:04,223 We could do it after the report. 889 01:09:05,183 --> 01:09:06,976 Ted, good thinking, dude! 890 01:09:07,143 --> 01:09:09,812 After the report, we'll time travel back to two days ago, 891 01:09:09,979 --> 01:09:12,398 steal your dad's keys, and leave them here. 892 01:09:12,565 --> 01:09:14,233 - Where? - I don't know. 893 01:09:14,400 --> 01:09:16,569 How about behind that sign? 894 01:09:16,736 --> 01:09:19,989 That way, when we get here now, they'll be waiting for us. 895 01:09:22,241 --> 01:09:24,577 - See? - Whoa! Yeah! 896 01:09:24,744 --> 01:09:28,873 So, after the report we can't forget to do this, otherwise it won't happen. 897 01:09:29,040 --> 01:09:32,919 But it did happen! Hey, it was me who stole my dad's keys! 898 01:09:33,086 --> 01:09:35,088 Exactly, Ted. Come on. 899 01:09:35,254 --> 01:09:38,675 [horn honking] 900 01:09:38,841 --> 01:09:40,051 _ Mom? _ Yes? 901 01:09:40,218 --> 01:09:42,178 Can you please bring the car around back? 902 01:09:42,345 --> 01:09:43,179 Sure. 903 01:09:44,806 --> 01:09:48,935 Come on, Ted. We've got some historical figures to rescue. 904 01:09:49,102 --> 01:09:50,520 Over and out. 905 01:10:06,703 --> 01:10:08,788 How are we gonna get past my dad? 906 01:10:10,248 --> 01:10:12,208 You got a tape recorder at home? 907 01:10:12,375 --> 01:10:14,752 - Yeah. - OK. 908 01:10:15,586 --> 01:10:17,630 - Remember to get the tape recorder. - Yeah. 909 01:10:17,797 --> 01:10:22,301 Set a timer on it for, uh... 2:13. 910 01:10:22,468 --> 01:10:24,345 - Got it? - Got it! 911 01:10:27,014 --> 01:10:28,808 What am I gonna say on it? 912 01:10:28,975 --> 01:10:31,936 [Ted on tape recorder] Dad! Hey, Dad! 913 01:10:32,103 --> 01:10:34,188 It's you, dude. 914 01:10:38,693 --> 01:10:39,736 Ted? 915 01:10:39,902 --> 01:10:41,154 [Ted] I'm over here. 916 01:10:43,448 --> 01:10:45,867 Yeah, this way. 917 01:10:46,033 --> 01:10:48,995 [guitar solo plays] 918 01:11:07,555 --> 01:11:09,474 Whoa. Check it out. 919 01:11:11,559 --> 01:11:14,687 "Dear Bill and Ted, good luck on the report. 920 01:11:14,854 --> 01:11:19,400 Sincerely, Bill S. Preston, Esquire and Ted "Theodore" Logan." 921 01:11:19,567 --> 01:11:20,985 That was nice of us. 922 01:11:21,152 --> 01:11:24,363 "P.S. Duck!" 923 01:11:30,036 --> 01:11:31,829 - Excellent work, dude. - Way to go! 924 01:11:31,996 --> 01:11:33,164 Come on. 925 01:11:41,214 --> 01:11:45,009 _ [Speaking foreiQ n - Shh! language] 926 01:11:45,176 --> 01:11:49,555 - [speaking French] - Time is of the essence. 927 01:11:49,722 --> 01:11:52,767 May I ask that you all work together so that we can get down to the car. 928 01:11:52,934 --> 01:11:54,894 Very quiet now. Quiet. 929 01:11:56,813 --> 01:11:59,565 Against the wall. Single file. 930 01:12:00,399 --> 01:12:02,568 - Hurry up, Billy. - How do we get out of here? 931 01:12:03,611 --> 01:12:05,613 [Ted] Over here, Dad. 932 01:12:05,780 --> 01:12:06,906 Down here! 933 01:12:07,073 --> 01:12:09,158 [Bill] Way to go, dude. We stalled him. 934 01:12:09,325 --> 01:12:11,077 [Ted] What else do I say? 935 01:12:11,244 --> 01:12:14,080 And now, opening for Iron Maiden... 936 01:12:14,247 --> 01:12:16,749 [Bill and Ted] ...Wyld Stallyns! 937 01:12:19,794 --> 01:12:22,630 - Come on, Bill, put your back into it. - Ted? 938 01:12:22,797 --> 01:12:24,966 What in the hell do you think you're doing? 939 01:12:25,132 --> 01:12:28,427 Trash can. Remember a trash can! 940 01:12:28,594 --> 01:12:30,263 Trash can? What are you talking about...? 941 01:12:30,429 --> 01:12:33,558 - Get this thing off me, Ted! - Sorry, Dad, 942 01:12:33,724 --> 01:12:36,102 but we've got to go pass our history report. 943 01:12:36,269 --> 01:12:39,605 - Oh, by the way, I found your keys. - Ted! 944 01:12:39,772 --> 01:12:42,817 Ted, where are you? Get this off me! Ted! 945 01:12:49,282 --> 01:12:52,285 In conclusion, I think Abraham Lincoln 946 01:12:52,451 --> 01:12:55,621 would be most impressed with the world of San Dimas. 947 01:12:55,788 --> 01:12:59,792 - I know I am. - [laughter, applause] 948 01:13:07,592 --> 01:13:11,470 - Down the hall, to the left. - Quiet. 949 01:13:12,805 --> 01:13:17,226 And I'm sure I speak for Mr. Ward and Mrs. Rowe when I say 950 01:13:17,393 --> 01:13:19,812 that your reports were very entertaining 951 01:13:19,979 --> 01:13:22,106 and very informative for all of us. 952 01:13:22,940 --> 01:13:27,445 So, it seems we may be one report short today, so we'll leave just a bit early. 953 01:13:27,612 --> 01:13:29,989 [cheering] 954 01:13:30,156 --> 01:13:33,326 But once again, I want to thank you all for your very hard work... 955 01:13:33,492 --> 01:13:37,038 - [all gasping] - Hey, who turned out the lights? 956 01:13:37,204 --> 01:13:38,915 [overlapping chatter] 957 01:13:40,166 --> 01:13:42,376 [Bill] Hello, San Dimas. 958 01:13:42,543 --> 01:13:47,048 Please welcome, for the final report of the afternoon, 959 01:13:47,214 --> 01:13:48,925 from all throughout history, 960 01:13:49,091 --> 01:13:52,219 some of the greatest people who have ever lived, 961 01:13:52,386 --> 01:13:56,974 in their 1988 World Tour! 962 01:13:57,141 --> 01:14:00,102 [up-tempo guitar music plays] 963 01:14:04,857 --> 01:14:08,152 How's it going? I'm Billy the Kid. 964 01:14:08,319 --> 01:14:10,404 [overlapping chatter] 965 01:14:16,494 --> 01:14:18,371 [indistinct shouts] 966 01:14:21,624 --> 01:14:24,418 I'd like you all to put your hands together. 967 01:14:31,133 --> 01:14:34,261 And now, my good friends, 968 01:14:34,428 --> 01:14:38,140 Bill S. Preston, Esquire, 969 01:14:38,307 --> 01:14:42,228 and Ted "Theodore" Logan! Whoo! 970 01:14:42,395 --> 01:14:44,563 - Thank you! Thank you! - [applause] 971 01:14:45,314 --> 01:14:48,067 [both] Hello, San Dimas High! 972 01:14:48,234 --> 01:14:54,115 Mr. Ryan, fellow distinguished classmates, teachers, babes. 973 01:14:54,824 --> 01:14:56,701 Our first speaker was born 974 01:14:56,867 --> 01:15:00,287 - in the year 470 B.C. - Hi, long time no see. 975 01:15:00,454 --> 01:15:02,581 A time when much of the world 976 01:15:02,748 --> 01:15:06,085 looked like the cover of the Led Zeppelin album Houses of the Holy. 977 01:15:06,252 --> 01:15:07,795 We were there. 978 01:15:07,962 --> 01:15:11,799 There were many steps and columns, it was most tranquil. 979 01:15:11,966 --> 01:15:15,720 He is sometimes known as the father of modern thought. 980 01:15:15,886 --> 01:15:19,765 He was the teacher of Plato, who was in turn the teacher of Aristotle. 981 01:15:19,932 --> 01:15:25,438 And like Ozzy Osbourne, was repeatedly accused of corruption of the young. 982 01:15:25,604 --> 01:15:28,607 And since he doesn't speak English, my friend Ted here, 983 01:15:28,774 --> 01:15:30,609 is going to interpret for him. 984 01:15:30,776 --> 01:15:33,571 So please welcome, to tell us what he thinks of San Dimas, 985 01:15:33,738 --> 01:15:37,408 the most bodacious philosophizer in Ancient Greece... 986 01:15:37,950 --> 01:15:39,618 [both] ...Socrates! 987 01:15:39,785 --> 01:15:42,121 [applause] 988 01:15:42,288 --> 01:15:45,541 ...is totally out of control. I got a good idea where he gets it from. 989 01:15:45,708 --> 01:15:48,669 I mean if you and that wife of yours would show a little discipline 990 01:15:48,836 --> 01:15:50,755 maybe your son wouldn't be such a bad influence. 991 01:15:50,921 --> 01:15:52,715 Is discipline your key to the success with Ted? 992 01:15:52,882 --> 01:15:55,634 Yes, it is! He's going to an Alaskan military school. 993 01:15:55,801 --> 01:15:59,138 [Ted] He loves you best... 994 01:16:01,640 --> 01:16:03,309 ...in all the world. 995 01:16:04,268 --> 01:16:05,686 What are they doing up there? 996 01:16:07,229 --> 01:16:08,314 He also loves... 997 01:16:09,774 --> 01:16:11,108 ...baseball! 998 01:16:12,151 --> 01:16:15,821 [Freud] Therefore, Ted's father's own fear of failure 999 01:16:15,988 --> 01:16:18,115 has caused him to make his son 1000 01:16:18,282 --> 01:16:20,659 the embodiment of all of his own 1001 01:16:20,826 --> 01:16:25,164 deepest anxieties about himself. 1002 01:16:25,331 --> 01:16:30,169 And, hence, his aggression transference onto Ted. 1003 01:16:32,546 --> 01:16:35,591 - Whoa! - OK, Ted? 1004 01:16:37,843 --> 01:16:40,930 Yes, thank you very much, Sigmund Freud. 1005 01:16:42,348 --> 01:16:43,682 Hm? 1006 01:16:44,725 --> 01:16:47,561 Nah, just got a minor Oedipal complex. 1007 01:16:49,688 --> 01:16:52,316 It is indeed a pleasure to introduce to you 1008 01:16:52,483 --> 01:16:57,738 a gentleman we picked up in Medieval Mongolia in the year 1269. 1009 01:16:57,905 --> 01:17:01,367 Please welcome the very excellent barbarian... 1010 01:17:01,534 --> 01:17:04,161 [both] ...Mr. Genghis Khan. 1011 01:17:04,328 --> 01:17:06,872 [cheering] 1012 01:17:07,456 --> 01:17:12,795 [Ted] This is a dude who, 700 years ago, totally ravaged China. 1013 01:17:12,962 --> 01:17:14,839 And who we are told, two hours ago, 1014 01:17:15,005 --> 01:17:17,633 totally ravaged Oshman's Sporting Goods. 1015 01:17:20,052 --> 01:17:23,681 A most bodacious soldier, and general, 1016 01:17:23,848 --> 01:17:27,518 Ms. Of Arc totally rousted the English from France. 1017 01:17:27,685 --> 01:17:31,188 And then turned this dude, Dauphin, into a king 1018 01:17:31,355 --> 01:17:34,066 and all this by the time she was 17. 1019 01:17:35,192 --> 01:17:38,028 [speaking French] 1020 01:17:44,076 --> 01:17:45,953 ...waterslide. 1021 01:17:47,121 --> 01:17:50,249 The music of Ludwig van Beethoven. 1022 01:17:53,752 --> 01:17:56,505 [Bill] As you can see, Genghis very much enjoys Twinkies 1023 01:17:56,672 --> 01:17:58,757 because of the excellent sugar rush. 1024 01:17:58,924 --> 01:18:01,802 He also loves billiards. 1025 01:18:04,096 --> 01:18:07,391 [Bill] Beethoven's favorite works include Mozart's "Requiem," 1026 01:18:07,558 --> 01:18:11,896 Handel's "Messiah," and Bon Jovi's Slippery When Wet. 1027 01:18:12,062 --> 01:18:14,440 [Ted] To improve on the condition of her armies, 1028 01:18:14,607 --> 01:18:18,777 Joan of Arc plans on instituting a full scale aerobics program 1029 01:18:18,944 --> 01:18:20,779 on her return to France. 1030 01:18:20,946 --> 01:18:22,990 I don't think it's gonna work. 1031 01:18:23,616 --> 01:18:24,617 No? 1032 01:18:27,494 --> 01:18:29,121 [speaking French] 1033 01:18:29,288 --> 01:18:31,957 [classical and rock] 1034 01:18:35,878 --> 01:18:37,171 He loves... 1035 01:18:38,797 --> 01:18:41,008 He loves San Dimas. 1036 01:18:41,175 --> 01:18:43,469 [cheering] 1037 01:18:50,434 --> 01:18:53,187 And now, for our last speaker. 1038 01:18:54,480 --> 01:18:59,318 One of the greatest presidents in American history... 1039 01:19:00,236 --> 01:19:04,198 ...Mr. Abraham Lincoln. 1040 01:19:04,365 --> 01:19:06,784 [cheering] 1041 01:19:24,343 --> 01:19:26,345 Four score and... 1042 01:19:28,514 --> 01:19:30,557 ...seven minutes ago, 1043 01:19:30,724 --> 01:19:35,020 we, your forefathers, 1044 01:19:35,187 --> 01:19:40,234 were brought forth upon a most excellent adventure. 1045 01:19:41,652 --> 01:19:45,489 Conceived by our new friends... 1046 01:19:46,573 --> 01:19:48,075 ...Bill... 1047 01:19:49,994 --> 01:19:51,537 ...and Ted. 1048 01:19:53,372 --> 01:19:56,917 These two great gentlemen 1049 01:19:57,084 --> 01:20:00,462 are dedicated to a proposition 1050 01:20:00,629 --> 01:20:03,007 which was true in my time, 1051 01:20:03,173 --> 01:20:06,218 just as it's true today. 1052 01:20:09,888 --> 01:20:13,726 Be excellent to each other... 1053 01:20:15,477 --> 01:20:20,399 ...and... party on, dudes! 1054 01:20:20,566 --> 01:20:23,569 [cheering] 1055 01:20:28,741 --> 01:20:30,242 - No... - Way! 1056 01:20:40,753 --> 01:20:43,881 [both] Thank you, San Dimas High! 1057 01:20:44,048 --> 01:20:46,342 [cheering] 1058 01:20:53,640 --> 01:20:55,934 [electrical fizzling] 1059 01:20:59,521 --> 01:21:02,941 [gasping, murmuring] 1060 01:21:04,818 --> 01:21:06,487 [microphone feedback] 1061 01:21:11,450 --> 01:21:15,579 [chanting] We want more! We want more! 1062 01:21:19,208 --> 01:21:22,419 [electric guitars playing] 1063 01:21:22,586 --> 01:21:24,129 [Ted] Intro. 1064 01:21:24,296 --> 01:21:27,341 I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire. 1065 01:21:37,559 --> 01:21:40,062 - Bill? - What's up, Ted? 1066 01:21:42,064 --> 01:21:46,443 Well... we traveled through time. 1067 01:21:46,610 --> 01:21:49,321 I mean, we met lots of great leaders, 1068 01:21:49,488 --> 01:21:52,324 and we got an A-plus on our history report... 1069 01:21:53,409 --> 01:21:56,912 ...but look at us, nothing's different. 1070 01:21:59,498 --> 01:22:01,208 Maybe it's time we get Eddie Van Halen. 1071 01:22:03,085 --> 01:22:05,379 Maybe we should start learning how to play. 1072 01:22:06,964 --> 01:22:08,340 Maybe you're right, Ted. 1073 01:22:11,135 --> 01:22:12,845 [rumbling, electrical crackling] 1074 01:22:13,011 --> 01:22:15,097 - [electrical fizzling] - [crashing] 1075 01:22:23,856 --> 01:22:27,067 Hello, again, my excellent friends. 1076 01:22:27,860 --> 01:22:28,902 Whoa! 1077 01:22:29,069 --> 01:22:32,239 Congratulations on passing your history report. 1078 01:22:33,198 --> 01:22:34,283 Rufus. 1079 01:22:34,450 --> 01:22:36,034 The babes! 1080 01:22:36,201 --> 01:22:38,370 We looked all over England for you. 1081 01:22:38,537 --> 01:22:41,248 Where'd you get those savory clothes? 1082 01:22:42,249 --> 01:22:45,377 Rufus introduced us to a place called the mall. 1083 01:22:45,544 --> 01:22:48,255 And something called credit cards. 1084 01:22:49,423 --> 01:22:51,633 I got them out of England just before they had to marry 1085 01:22:51,800 --> 01:22:53,719 those royal ugly dudes. 1086 01:22:53,886 --> 01:22:55,721 Way to go Rufus. 1087 01:23:05,439 --> 01:23:07,566 How can we ever thank you, Rufus? 1088 01:23:07,733 --> 01:23:11,403 Well, you can start by signing this for my kids. 1089 01:23:12,321 --> 01:23:13,572 Why? 1090 01:23:13,739 --> 01:23:15,574 They're big fans of yours. 1091 01:23:15,741 --> 01:23:18,076 - What? - Everyone is. 1092 01:23:18,243 --> 01:23:22,915 Wyld Stallyns' music has become the foundation of our whole society. 1093 01:23:24,791 --> 01:23:26,293 [both] No way. 1094 01:23:26,460 --> 01:23:28,295 Yes way. 1095 01:23:28,462 --> 01:23:31,089 In fact, I believe you were there. 1096 01:23:31,256 --> 01:23:33,884 That futuristic place with the domes? 1097 01:23:34,051 --> 01:23:37,554 And the totally excellent music. 1098 01:23:37,721 --> 01:23:39,640 They totally worshipped us there, Rufus. 1099 01:23:39,806 --> 01:23:41,016 I know. 1100 01:23:41,183 --> 01:23:44,811 That's why I was sent to make sure you passed your history report. 1101 01:23:44,978 --> 01:23:49,316 If you guys were separated it would have been disastrous for life as we know it. 1102 01:23:49,483 --> 01:23:55,155 You see, eventually your music will help put an end to war and poverty. 1103 01:23:55,322 --> 01:23:58,951 It will align the planets and bring them into universal harmony, 1104 01:23:59,117 --> 01:24:02,079 allowing meaningful contact with all forms of life, 1105 01:24:02,246 --> 01:24:07,209 from extraterrestrial beings to common household pets. 1106 01:24:07,376 --> 01:24:11,797 And... it's excellent for dancing. 1107 01:24:11,964 --> 01:24:15,175 - [laughing] - Whoa. 1108 01:24:15,342 --> 01:24:17,886 Why don't you have the ladies sign as well, would you please? 1109 01:24:18,053 --> 01:24:20,973 - After all, they are in the band. - They are? 1110 01:24:21,139 --> 01:24:23,809 - Excellent. - Excellent. 1111 01:24:23,976 --> 01:24:26,144 Where are you going, Rufus? 1112 01:24:27,229 --> 01:24:29,189 I got a surprise for you. 1113 01:24:38,156 --> 01:24:40,492 - Here. - [gasping] 1114 01:24:40,659 --> 01:24:42,828 That's to help you as you start your new band. 1115 01:24:42,995 --> 01:24:44,663 [both] Thanks, Rufus. 1116 01:24:44,830 --> 01:24:48,625 Now I just have one further humble request. 1117 01:24:48,792 --> 01:24:52,337 If I might be so honored to jam with you? 1118 01:24:53,338 --> 01:24:57,092 - Do you know how to play, Rufus? - Well, I play a little. 1119 01:24:59,344 --> 01:25:03,432 [playing heavy metal solo] 1120 01:25:16,862 --> 01:25:19,072 - Whoa! - [laughing] 1121 01:25:20,699 --> 01:25:22,993 Most outstanding, Rufus. 1122 01:25:23,160 --> 01:25:24,369 Let's jam. 1123 01:25:32,711 --> 01:25:35,088 - Bill, my friend? - Yes, Ted, my friend? 1124 01:25:35,255 --> 01:25:37,966 This has been a most excellent adventure. 1125 01:25:39,259 --> 01:25:40,302 - One... - Two... 1126 01:25:40,469 --> 01:25:42,054 One, two, three, four! 1127 01:25:42,220 --> 01:25:45,223 [playing discordant rock music] 1128 01:25:49,394 --> 01:25:50,729 They do get better. 1129 01:25:51,563 --> 01:25:53,940 [♪ Power Tool: "Two Heads Are Better Than One"] 1130 01:29:42,586 --> 01:29:43,587