1
00:00:01,877 --> 00:00:03,504
[crowd booing]
2
00:00:03,586 --> 00:00:05,714
[whistle blows]
3
00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:07,966
[Arlo] You're hearing AFC Richmond
4
00:00:08,050 --> 00:00:10,177
being booed lustily by their home fans,
5
00:00:10,260 --> 00:00:13,472
and you have to say,
not without good reason.
6
00:00:13,972 --> 00:00:15,807
2-0. We're better than that!
7
00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:20,187
Jamie. Jamie. Sorry, I didn't put
that cross where you wanted it.
8
00:00:21,104 --> 00:00:22,105
Ah. Forget it, mate.
9
00:00:22,189 --> 00:00:24,691
Hey, would it be too forward
if I gave you some advice
10
00:00:24,775 --> 00:00:26,735
that might help improve your game a bit?
11
00:00:26,818 --> 00:00:27,819
No. Please, anything.
12
00:00:27,903 --> 00:00:31,281
What you need to do is get yourself
a time machine, and go back to the moment
13
00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:34,493
when your mom was about to fuck
a sad little man with no athletic talent.
14
00:00:34,576 --> 00:00:39,248
Pull her off him, fly her to Argentina,
and drop her onto Maradona's cock.
15
00:00:41,124 --> 00:00:42,334
Hope that helps, mate.
16
00:00:43,252 --> 00:00:44,503
Right, that's it.
17
00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:47,005
I'm done with you
being a prick to everyone.
18
00:00:47,589 --> 00:00:48,757
Ooh.
19
00:00:48,841 --> 00:00:53,512
So, either I beat up an old man,
or I let an old man beat me up.
20
00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:57,558
Fuck it. Let's go.
21
00:00:58,016 --> 00:01:00,102
[Roy] Fucking-- [indistinct shouting]
22
00:01:00,185 --> 00:01:02,980
-Hey, hey, hey!
-[players shouting]
23
00:01:03,647 --> 00:01:05,274
Easy, easy, easy now!
24
00:01:05,357 --> 00:01:07,359
Coach, tell these boys
what the first rule of my fight club is.
25
00:01:07,442 --> 00:01:10,320
-No fight club!
-No fight club. Okay? You understand?
26
00:01:11,029 --> 00:01:14,199
For the love of Pistol Pete, y'all.
We still got a second half to play.
27
00:01:14,283 --> 00:01:16,118
Now, please, sit down. Everybody.
28
00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:20,080
Gaffer saved you, old man.
29
00:01:24,209 --> 00:01:25,586
Call me old...
30
00:01:26,879 --> 00:01:27,880
one more time.
31
00:01:27,963 --> 00:01:29,756
[player takes deep breath]
32
00:01:32,050 --> 00:01:33,051
Sorry...
33
00:01:34,678 --> 00:01:35,888
granddad.
34
00:01:35,971 --> 00:01:38,599
-I'll fucking kill you!
-[all shouting]
35
00:01:38,682 --> 00:01:40,767
[theme music plays]
36
00:02:00,871 --> 00:02:06,335
Table four is done and shall from now on
be known as the boring table.
37
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,794
But that's where I'm sitting.
38
00:02:08,878 --> 00:02:09,880
Oh.
39
00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:13,759
Ugh. I haven't placed Elaine Kenner.
Awful woman.
40
00:02:13,842 --> 00:02:17,262
She won't be attending tonight.
She was kicked in the face by her horse.
41
00:02:17,346 --> 00:02:19,431
Oh. That poor thing. Is the horse okay?
42
00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:22,809
-[whistle blows]
-[Ted] Mm-mm-mm.
43
00:02:23,352 --> 00:02:25,854
Looks like we still got ourselves
a team divided here.
44
00:02:26,522 --> 00:02:28,273
Coach, you know what
I'm thinkin' about right now?
45
00:02:28,357 --> 00:02:30,734
-West Side Story?
-You know it. Sharks and Jets.
46
00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:31,818
You think these fellas
47
00:02:31,902 --> 00:02:34,696
could solve their problems with
a dance-off at a gymnasium? [chuckles]
48
00:02:34,780 --> 00:02:36,406
Course, if memory serves,
49
00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:40,035
Riff and Bernardo ended up getting
knifed to death at that particular event.
50
00:02:40,118 --> 00:02:42,329
No, they didn't die
until the rumble afterwards.
51
00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:43,497
Oh, right. Right, right, right.
52
00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:45,582
When I was 15, I was understudy for Anita.
53
00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:48,919
-All-boys school.
-Hmm.
54
00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:51,713
We have peeled yet another
juicy layer of the Nathan onion.
55
00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:54,383
-[Rebecca] Coach Beard!
-Uh-oh.
56
00:02:54,466 --> 00:02:58,804
For dinner tonight,
it's either chicken or steak!
57
00:02:58,887 --> 00:03:00,347
You can't tick both!
58
00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:01,974
Okay!
59
00:03:02,057 --> 00:03:03,475
Busted.
60
00:03:03,559 --> 00:03:04,685
And Ted!
61
00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:05,936
Uh-oh.
62
00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:09,314
-Yeah!
-I need to know who your plus-one is!
63
00:03:09,398 --> 00:03:12,192
Oh, well, that'd be, uh,
Mr. Two Entrées here.
64
00:03:12,276 --> 00:03:14,945
No, he's already bringing a date!
65
00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:19,324
Hey, you free tonight?
66
00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:21,910
-Oh, I'm free every night, yeah.
-Okay.
67
00:03:21,994 --> 00:03:24,121
-I'm gonna bring Nathan!
-Who?
68
00:03:24,496 --> 00:03:26,623
Nate the Great! He's gonna be my date!
69
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:29,585
And for obvious reasons,
we'd love to be at table eight!
70
00:03:30,294 --> 00:03:31,295
No!
71
00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:33,463
And Beard, you're having chicken!
72
00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:38,510
-[knocking]
-[Ted] Hey, boss.
73
00:03:38,594 --> 00:03:40,637
Ooh! Pajama Friday? Wish I woulda known.
74
00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:42,639
Oh, you're gonna get a kick
outta this story.
75
00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:44,933
-When I was 17--
-Ted, let me just stop you there
76
00:03:45,017 --> 00:03:47,394
before you tell me a folksy anecdote
about you and pajamas.
77
00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:49,313
Okay. When you change your mind,
just let me know,
78
00:03:49,396 --> 00:03:51,190
'cause this one is a doozy.
79
00:03:51,773 --> 00:03:53,859
Sorry, was there anything you needed?
'Cause I'm really--
80
00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:56,987
I was wondering if me, Roy and Jamie
could all sit at the same table tonight.
81
00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:58,071
-Is that possible?
-Yes.
82
00:03:58,155 --> 00:04:00,949
Great! 'Cause I got some fences I need to
mend, and I think that might do the trick.
83
00:04:01,033 --> 00:04:02,951
-Ted, I just said yes.
-Right.
84
00:04:03,785 --> 00:04:06,121
Oh, God,
that one's absolutely beautiful, but...
85
00:04:07,456 --> 00:04:09,374
I don't think I can get away
with that anymore.
86
00:04:09,458 --> 00:04:11,376
Sure you could.
Fashion's all about confidence.
87
00:04:11,460 --> 00:04:14,421
If I didn't have any confidence,
I never would've worn pajamas to my prom
88
00:04:14,505 --> 00:04:15,881
and ended up in jail
the rest of that night.
89
00:04:15,964 --> 00:04:17,841
But you don't wanna hear that story,
so I ain't gonna tell it.
90
00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:19,176
You know what? I'll get outta your hair.
91
00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:21,803
You're probably all revved up
because of the big shindig, right?
92
00:04:21,887 --> 00:04:23,305
No, no, no. I'm absolutely fine.
93
00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:26,141
I mean, even when Rupert and I
were running the gala together,
94
00:04:26,225 --> 00:04:28,060
I did most of the work myself.
95
00:04:28,143 --> 00:04:29,603
So, uh, I'm not revved up at all.
96
00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:32,564
I'm actually, really,
feeling quite mellow.
97
00:04:32,648 --> 00:04:34,858
Good afternoon. We have a huge problem.
98
00:04:34,942 --> 00:04:37,819
Our musical guest, Robbie Williams,
has canceled.
99
00:04:37,903 --> 00:04:38,904
God!
100
00:04:38,987 --> 00:04:40,113
Oh, no. Who is that?
101
00:04:40,197 --> 00:04:44,952
No, no, no. That's absolutely fine.
It's not a problem. Let me just think.
102
00:04:45,035 --> 00:04:47,204
All right, here's what
we're going to do, Higgins.
103
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:50,374
Tonight, when I tell everyone
that Robbie has canceled,
104
00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:54,086
by then it won't matter because
you will have found someone better.
105
00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:56,171
-There ya are.
-Right.
106
00:04:56,255 --> 00:05:00,092
I am a world-class problem solver.
107
00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:03,554
There it is. Oh. You got it. Oh.
Catch it! Yep! Ho! Look at that!
108
00:05:04,555 --> 00:05:06,139
You got this, Higgins!
109
00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:08,183
And Rebecca's grateful
for all your hard work!
110
00:05:08,267 --> 00:05:09,268
[Higgins] Thank you, Ted!
111
00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:15,983
Mm.
112
00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:18,485
No. I hate it, babe.
113
00:05:18,569 --> 00:05:21,780
It's just not me.
There's no hood, no zips.
114
00:05:21,864 --> 00:05:23,031
There's no graffiti.
115
00:05:25,409 --> 00:05:26,493
No graffiti.
116
00:05:27,077 --> 00:05:29,037
Mad. I look like a banker.
117
00:05:29,121 --> 00:05:31,582
Not with trousers that tight
around the crotch, you don't.
118
00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:34,293
Fine. I look like a banker
with a great cock.
119
00:05:34,376 --> 00:05:36,461
Babe, if those existed,
we wouldn't be together.
120
00:05:37,713 --> 00:05:39,423
[Jamie scoffs] Whatever.
121
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:40,841
[Keeley] Okay.
122
00:05:40,924 --> 00:05:44,720
Look, you're gonna get more endorsements
when you start embracing high fashion.
123
00:05:44,803 --> 00:05:46,555
I'm just trying to help
build up your brand.
124
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,391
Jamie, no. What are you doing?
125
00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:50,684
I'm doing...
126
00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:52,895
style.
127
00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:57,149
Yeah, people don't know it,
but I'm good at this fashion shit.
128
00:05:57,232 --> 00:05:59,610
-Are you?
-Yeah, I'm like a progeny.
129
00:05:59,985 --> 00:06:01,028
Oh, yeah?
130
00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:03,322
Oi. Down, boy.
131
00:06:04,239 --> 00:06:05,407
-[panting]
-Mm-hmm.
132
00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:07,242
That's a good boy. Find the treat, yeah.
133
00:06:09,828 --> 00:06:11,163
Hey, hon.
134
00:06:11,246 --> 00:06:14,374
Shoot, I was hoping I'd catch ya.
Uh, got your message.
135
00:06:14,458 --> 00:06:17,461
Playing a little phone tag, it appears.
And you are now it.
136
00:06:17,961 --> 00:06:19,713
Um-- Oh, hey. Guess what.
137
00:06:19,796 --> 00:06:21,965
I'm wearing the suit
you told me I should bring.
138
00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:24,468
You were right, as always. [chuckles]
139
00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:29,515
Uh, yeah. Okay, so, uh, that's it.
I love-- I miss ya.
140
00:06:29,598 --> 00:06:32,142
And, uh, just go ahead
and give the little guy a squeeze for me.
141
00:06:32,226 --> 00:06:33,644
I'll talk to you soon. Bye.
142
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,354
[playing rock music]
143
00:06:35,771 --> 00:06:37,397
Hey. All right, now.
144
00:06:37,481 --> 00:06:39,149
Gotta love a troubadour.
145
00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:40,317
Here we go.
146
00:06:41,985 --> 00:06:43,946
Holy moly, look at you. Whoo!
147
00:06:44,029 --> 00:06:45,489
-Hope I'm not too early.
-No.
148
00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:47,366
Or too late. I was trying to go
for somewhere in between.
149
00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:49,284
Yeah, no.
You threaded that needle perfectly, Nate.
150
00:06:49,368 --> 00:06:50,536
-Oh, good.
-Yeah, nailed it.
151
00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:52,788
Hey, let me ask you something.
152
00:06:52,871 --> 00:06:55,207
Are you one of those guys
that likes it if your friends tell you
153
00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:58,210
-you got a piece of food in your teeth?
-Oh, absolutely, yeah.
154
00:06:58,293 --> 00:07:01,046
Okay, good.
'Cause that suit does not fit at all.
155
00:07:01,129 --> 00:07:02,548
-Really?
-Yeah.
156
00:07:02,631 --> 00:07:05,759
[groans] I was gonna buy one,
but, you know, they're so expensive.
157
00:07:05,843 --> 00:07:07,678
-I just thought I'd borrow my dad's.
-Oh, I hear ya.
158
00:07:08,262 --> 00:07:10,430
Hey. We'll make a little pit stop.
Come on, follow me.
159
00:07:10,514 --> 00:07:11,348
Yeah.
160
00:07:14,476 --> 00:07:15,686
[photographers clamoring]
161
00:07:16,812 --> 00:07:18,856
What you lookin' at? Hmm? Hmm?
162
00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:22,442
You boys all right? How's my suit?
All good? Yeah?
163
00:07:22,526 --> 00:07:23,735
This is great. [laughs]
164
00:07:23,819 --> 00:07:26,488
Hey, uh, thank you, guys, so much
for taking my picture.
165
00:07:26,572 --> 00:07:28,824
-What are your names?
-[clamoring]
166
00:07:28,907 --> 00:07:31,243
So you're Jerry, and you're Dave.
167
00:07:31,326 --> 00:07:33,203
What you all came for.
168
00:07:33,287 --> 00:07:35,706
Left eyebrow. Right eyebrow.
169
00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:37,541
Confused look.
170
00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:41,128
Yeah, now for the one
that you'll actually use.
171
00:07:41,211 --> 00:07:43,005
[photographer]
That's it, darling. How about a kiss?
172
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:47,759
[Keeley chuckles]
173
00:07:47,843 --> 00:07:50,053
-Romance is not dead.
-Guys, sorry, sorry. I just--
174
00:07:50,137 --> 00:07:51,763
-Gonna let them take a picture.
-Oh, yeah. Yeah.
175
00:07:51,847 --> 00:07:53,265
I just need to get inside. Okay.
176
00:07:53,891 --> 00:07:55,726
[photographer 2] Rebecca, over here!
177
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,853
-[photographer 3] Nice, ladies.
-Rebecca, over here!
178
00:07:57,936 --> 00:07:59,980
-[photographer 3] You look perfect.
-[photographer 2] Now, look to your left.
179
00:08:00,063 --> 00:08:01,064
I hate this part.
180
00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:03,275
-[photographer 3] Miss Welton.
-[photographer 2] Lovely. Nice.
181
00:08:03,358 --> 00:08:04,693
Hey.
182
00:08:04,776 --> 00:08:06,737
Just put one foot
in front of the other, yeah?
183
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:09,781
And then put your hand on your hip
and make, like, a claw shape.
184
00:08:10,324 --> 00:08:11,533
It's the most flattering.
185
00:08:12,701 --> 00:08:14,453
-Rebecca, give us a smile.
-Rebecca!
186
00:08:14,536 --> 00:08:16,038
[photographers clamoring]
187
00:08:16,121 --> 00:08:17,581
[shutters clicking]
188
00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:20,292
Aw, look at her. She's fucking fit!
189
00:08:20,375 --> 00:08:22,294
[laughs]
190
00:08:22,377 --> 00:08:24,963
[jazz music playing]
191
00:08:30,886 --> 00:08:33,054
[music continues]
192
00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:36,183
Don't strut. Let the suit do the work.
193
00:08:39,727 --> 00:08:40,895
Yoo-hoo.
194
00:08:41,813 --> 00:08:44,024
Ted Lasso. My God.
195
00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:45,234
Right back at ya, boss.
196
00:08:45,317 --> 00:08:47,319
I had a hunch
you were gonna pick this dress.
197
00:08:47,402 --> 00:08:49,321
And may I say,
you are wearing the heck out of it.
198
00:08:49,821 --> 00:08:50,822
Thank you.
199
00:08:50,906 --> 00:08:53,283
Check out Nate.
Looking pretty dapper himself, huh?
200
00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:54,493
Great to see you again.
201
00:08:54,576 --> 00:08:56,370
-Nice to meet you.
-Nice to meet you.
202
00:08:57,579 --> 00:08:59,998
-If you'll both excuse me.
-[Ted] Absolutely, yeah. Go do your thing.
203
00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:03,502
Oh. Oh, oh, oh.
Look, there's Beard over there.
204
00:09:03,919 --> 00:09:05,838
-That's his new gal, Jane.
-[Nathan] Oh.
205
00:09:05,921 --> 00:09:08,340
Yeah, they met
at his Friday night chess club.
206
00:09:08,423 --> 00:09:10,217
Apparently, they liked each other's moves.
207
00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:11,844
[chuckles]
208
00:09:12,803 --> 00:09:13,971
Oh, that wasn't a joke.
209
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,055
Was it not?
210
00:09:15,556 --> 00:09:16,557
Oh, I guess it kinda was.
211
00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:21,562
-[photographers clamoring]
-No. No. Fuck off. Fuck you. No. No.
212
00:09:22,521 --> 00:09:23,522
Yeah, I know.
213
00:09:27,109 --> 00:09:29,444
This is gonna be so uncomfortable.
214
00:09:29,528 --> 00:09:32,656
-I'm switching tables.
-No, no, no. Hey. Come on back here.
215
00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:33,782
This is my doing.
216
00:09:33,866 --> 00:09:36,076
I parent trapped y'all. Take a seat.
217
00:09:38,662 --> 00:09:41,832
Now, listen. You two knuckleheads
have split our locker room in half.
218
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:43,458
And when it comes to locker rooms,
219
00:09:43,542 --> 00:09:45,544
I like 'em just like
my mother's bathing suits.
220
00:09:45,627 --> 00:09:47,421
I only wanna see 'em in one piece,
you hear?
221
00:09:47,504 --> 00:09:48,714
So we're fixing this.
222
00:09:48,797 --> 00:09:50,799
Tell me what's the biggest issue
you got with each other. Go.
223
00:09:50,883 --> 00:09:52,050
He's a piece of shit.
224
00:09:52,134 --> 00:09:54,803
If his brain was on fire,
I wouldn't piss in his ear.
225
00:09:54,887 --> 00:09:57,222
Well, hey. You don't need to be best
friends to be great teammates.
226
00:09:57,306 --> 00:10:00,392
Think about Shaq and Kobe, right?
Lennon and McCartney.
227
00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:02,686
Heck, even Woody and Buzz
got under each other's plastic.
228
00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:03,937
Wasn't Woody made out of cloth?
229
00:10:04,021 --> 00:10:06,106
I appreciate you, Nate,
but now's not the time.
230
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:08,984
You know what all those dynamic duos
had in common?
231
00:10:09,067 --> 00:10:10,152
Mutual respect.
232
00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:13,864
Y'all gotta find some common ground.
So who wants to get the ball rollin'?
233
00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,199
I do.
234
00:10:16,074 --> 00:10:20,204
Nate, that's a very nice suit.
I think you look chic.
235
00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:24,458
Oh, thank you. It's actually only
the second suit I've ever owned.
236
00:10:24,541 --> 00:10:27,586
The first one was my suit
when I was a naked baby.
237
00:10:31,215 --> 00:10:33,133
Sorry, it's funny when Ted says it. I--
238
00:10:33,217 --> 00:10:34,551
Well, the term "birthday suit"
239
00:10:34,635 --> 00:10:36,678
-woulda helped you a ton there, yeah.
-Oh, God, yeah.
240
00:10:36,762 --> 00:10:39,348
Come on, let's try this again, all right?
Hey, Jamie. You wanna go?
241
00:10:39,431 --> 00:10:40,974
-Pass.
-[chuckles]
242
00:10:41,850 --> 00:10:43,393
-Roy.
-He's a piece of shit.
243
00:10:43,477 --> 00:10:45,521
You're gonna stick with that, huh? Okay.
244
00:10:45,604 --> 00:10:47,981
Here's an idea that's
gonna help a little or hurt a whole lot.
245
00:10:48,065 --> 00:10:49,191
Who needs a drink?
246
00:10:53,237 --> 00:10:54,571
[Higgins inhales]
247
00:10:54,655 --> 00:10:56,156
Any progress with the musical guest?
248
00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:57,783
I've talked to a number of agents
249
00:10:57,866 --> 00:11:01,828
and made a fairly extensive list
of those who cannot make it.
250
00:11:01,912 --> 00:11:03,747
Process of elimination. We're on our way.
251
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,168
Hey, there she is.
252
00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:11,046
Oh, you're working on your speech, huh?
253
00:11:11,755 --> 00:11:15,384
Rupert was always very good
at the public speaking part.
254
00:11:15,467 --> 00:11:16,885
Hey, here's a little trick of the trade.
255
00:11:16,969 --> 00:11:20,430
Just make fun of yourself
right off the bat, a little joke.
256
00:11:20,514 --> 00:11:21,515
Folks will love that.
257
00:11:21,598 --> 00:11:24,393
Okay, so,
what should I make fun of myself about?
258
00:11:24,476 --> 00:11:28,522
[inhales] Right, right, right.
[stammers] Um...
259
00:11:30,732 --> 00:11:35,153
You know-- You know what would be, uh--
No. Okay.
260
00:11:35,237 --> 00:11:37,239
You're not gonna walk
into that one, are you, Ted?
261
00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:39,491
No, ma'am. Nope, nope, nope. Okay.
262
00:11:40,951 --> 00:11:42,160
Good luck though.
263
00:11:43,453 --> 00:11:46,665
Oh, oh, oh. You know what?
I thought of something. No, no, no.
264
00:11:47,457 --> 00:11:50,002
-Queen to rook four.
-Ooh.
265
00:11:50,085 --> 00:11:52,337
Wait, are y'all playing a game
without a board?
266
00:11:53,547 --> 00:11:56,008
[whispering] Sorry to interrupt. My fault.
Sorry. Carry on.
267
00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:59,636
-Knight to king five.
-[chuckles]
268
00:12:00,429 --> 00:12:01,430
[Coach Beard chuckles]
269
00:12:01,513 --> 00:12:03,557
[cheers, applause]
270
00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:05,767
Good evening,
271
00:12:05,851 --> 00:12:10,647
and welcome to the Tenth Annual Benefit
for Underprivileged Children.
272
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:15,611
If I could hug each of you as a thank you
for your kind donations, well...
273
00:12:16,528 --> 00:12:19,573
I probably wouldn't because,
as we all know, I'm not much of a hugger.
274
00:12:19,656 --> 00:12:21,575
[guests laughing]
275
00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:25,829
Now, I do hope you've all brought your
checkbooks with you for our auction later.
276
00:12:25,913 --> 00:12:31,835
Because you can all bid
on our very own Richmond players.
277
00:12:31,919 --> 00:12:33,837
-[chuckles]
-[guests cheer]
278
00:12:34,296 --> 00:12:39,718
Same rule as always, no hanky-panky
unless the player signs a waiver.
279
00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:40,802
[guests laughing]
280
00:12:41,470 --> 00:12:42,471
Rupert?
281
00:12:43,847 --> 00:12:44,890
Hello, darling.
282
00:12:44,973 --> 00:12:47,809
What a... lovely surprise.
283
00:12:47,893 --> 00:12:49,895
Oh. Weren't you expecting me?
284
00:12:51,396 --> 00:12:53,148
Only 'cause you RSVP'd no.
285
00:12:53,232 --> 00:12:56,485
Well, one of the perks
of being a wealthy good-for-nothing.
286
00:12:56,568 --> 00:12:59,780
Sometimes my nights
just magically free up.
287
00:12:59,863 --> 00:13:02,824
-[guests laugh]
-Ooh. May I? Thank you.
288
00:13:03,575 --> 00:13:09,373
Gals and gents, with your help,
we raised £800,000 last year.
289
00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:11,458
[cheers, applause]
290
00:13:11,542 --> 00:13:14,294
And this year, hopefully even more.
291
00:13:14,378 --> 00:13:18,507
Well, I know I'm crashing your party,
but I so badly wanna help.
292
00:13:18,590 --> 00:13:21,301
My fingers and toes are crossed
that you will have me.
293
00:13:21,385 --> 00:13:22,386
Of course.
294
00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,888
Uh, let's get him a seat
at the boring table.
295
00:13:24,972 --> 00:13:27,266
-Oh-ho! [chuckles]
-[Rebecca] Only joking.
296
00:13:27,349 --> 00:13:29,601
Table four. Rupert Mannion, everyone.
297
00:13:29,685 --> 00:13:32,437
[cheering]
298
00:13:37,067 --> 00:13:38,151
Thanks, doll.
299
00:13:44,199 --> 00:13:45,534
Oh, my God.
300
00:13:46,535 --> 00:13:48,036
-Thank you.
-Oh, that--
301
00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:51,415
-[Isaac laughs]
-Nathe, Nathe, Nathe. Come on.
302
00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:53,458
Look, guys, this is a brand-new suit.
303
00:13:53,542 --> 00:13:56,211
Rather than messing with me tonight,
can you just get me two times tomorrow?
304
00:13:56,295 --> 00:13:57,838
Roy said we're not allowed anymore.
305
00:13:57,921 --> 00:14:00,757
He fucking headbutted me.
I'm still dizzy half the time.
306
00:14:00,841 --> 00:14:02,467
The doctors told me not to drink.
307
00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:08,682
[slurps] Ah! Shit.
308
00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:10,475
Yet another reason shirts exist.
309
00:14:10,559 --> 00:14:13,478
Shut up, it's not funny. Burned my nipple.
310
00:14:13,562 --> 00:14:16,273
[gasps] I wish I was that ice cube.
311
00:14:17,024 --> 00:14:20,152
Mm? I will be bidding for a night
with you.
312
00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:22,362
Oh. Thanks, love. Uh--
313
00:14:22,446 --> 00:14:25,991
Yeah, it's, um, it's just a date though.
It's not a whole night. So...
314
00:14:26,074 --> 00:14:27,910
We'll see. [chuckles]
315
00:14:28,577 --> 00:14:29,745
Mate, I've done these before.
316
00:14:29,828 --> 00:14:32,623
If she bids over 3,000,
you will have to fuck her.
317
00:14:32,706 --> 00:14:34,166
[Keeley chuckles]
318
00:14:34,249 --> 00:14:36,543
-Is that true?
-You don't have to go all the way.
319
00:14:37,336 --> 00:14:38,879
Just, like, some of the way.
320
00:14:39,630 --> 00:14:40,797
Fingering.
321
00:14:42,925 --> 00:14:44,968
[laughs]
322
00:14:45,052 --> 00:14:46,720
Fuck you. Fuck this table.
323
00:14:47,346 --> 00:14:49,056
Jamie, it was a joke.
324
00:14:49,431 --> 00:14:51,767
It was a joke. Jamie.
325
00:14:53,477 --> 00:14:54,603
What happened now?
326
00:14:55,771 --> 00:14:59,107
Just the usual.
Jamie being a little bitch prima donna.
327
00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:02,444
Roy, let me ask you something.
328
00:15:02,528 --> 00:15:04,154
What were you like when you were 23?
329
00:15:04,696 --> 00:15:06,657
Playing in this league,
making all that money.
330
00:15:08,033 --> 00:15:10,285
-Little bitch prima donna.
-Yeah.
331
00:15:10,911 --> 00:15:13,830
You know how they say that
"youth is wasted on the young"?
332
00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:18,669
Well, I say don't let the wisdom
of age be wasted on you.
333
00:15:20,087 --> 00:15:21,129
[Rebecca] Ted?
334
00:15:23,465 --> 00:15:26,218
I just came up with that.
I feel pretty good about it.
335
00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:35,060
I just wanted to say thanks
for talking to Colin and Isaac.
336
00:15:35,143 --> 00:15:36,770
Why is your face so close to mine?
337
00:15:36,854 --> 00:15:39,940
Well, my initial plan was to hug you,
but I just chickened out just now.
338
00:15:40,774 --> 00:15:41,775
Right.
339
00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:47,948
-Okay, we're done.
-Yeah.
340
00:15:48,031 --> 00:15:50,284
[Rupert laughs]
341
00:15:50,367 --> 00:15:52,911
Ted, I'd like to introduce you
to Rupert Mannion.
342
00:15:52,995 --> 00:15:55,539
-Mr. Mannion, how are you?
-Oh. It's Rupert, Ted.
343
00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:58,250
Especially for the man
who's managing my club.
344
00:15:59,293 --> 00:16:00,502
Used to be your club.
345
00:16:00,586 --> 00:16:04,089
Oh, of course, of course, but...
it's still my club in here, love.
346
00:16:04,882 --> 00:16:06,800
Love of a sports team
is a lifetime obsession.
347
00:16:06,884 --> 00:16:07,718
-[Rupert] Yeah.
-Yeah.
348
00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:09,553
Kinda like your best friend's
older sister, right?
349
00:16:09,928 --> 00:16:10,929
Hey, but do me a favor.
350
00:16:11,013 --> 00:16:13,724
If you're ever in Kansas City
and come across a fella named Tom Dineen,
351
00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:15,017
don't tell him I said that.
352
00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:16,935
[Rupert laughs]
353
00:16:17,019 --> 00:16:18,770
I love that.
354
00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:22,065
I don't love our last two losses though.
355
00:16:22,149 --> 00:16:23,400
-Horrible showing.
-Yeah.
356
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:24,776
[Rupert] Had to say it, wish I didn't.
357
00:16:24,860 --> 00:16:27,696
It's okay. Who knows?
Maybe we'll turn it around, huh?
358
00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:31,116
Oh, my God. I believe you.
359
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:32,284
Do you believe him?
360
00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:37,998
Night's gonna take
a turn for the worse if you say no.
361
00:16:38,081 --> 00:16:40,250
[chuckles] Of course I believe in Ted.
362
00:16:41,210 --> 00:16:42,961
He's exactly what we've needed.
363
00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:46,381
Not too much champagne now, dear.
364
00:16:46,465 --> 00:16:48,509
Gotta stay sharp for the auction.
365
00:16:49,635 --> 00:16:50,802
Why don't you do the auction?
366
00:16:51,512 --> 00:16:53,305
No, I couldn't. This is your night.
367
00:16:53,388 --> 00:16:56,266
-We both know they'd rather see you.
-[Rupert chuckles]
368
00:16:56,350 --> 00:16:59,144
And besides, it's... for the children.
369
00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:01,063
For the children.
370
00:17:04,107 --> 00:17:06,609
Right. If you'll excuse me,
I need to speak to the other guests.
371
00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:08,694
I must say, I love that dress.
372
00:17:09,112 --> 00:17:10,113
Oh.
373
00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:11,323
It's very youthful.
374
00:17:12,156 --> 00:17:14,660
Good for you for getting back out there
looking like that.
375
00:17:15,743 --> 00:17:16,744
Thank you.
376
00:17:19,122 --> 00:17:20,123
Excuse me.
377
00:17:20,874 --> 00:17:21,916
Ted.
378
00:17:22,334 --> 00:17:24,545
It's been a hard year for her.
Is she okay?
379
00:17:24,627 --> 00:17:26,171
-Oh, yeah, she's great.
-Mm.
380
00:17:26,255 --> 00:17:29,591
You know, a lot of moving pieces putting
together a thing like this though.
381
00:17:30,342 --> 00:17:34,012
And then she had this fella...
Robbie Williams cancel on her and--
382
00:17:34,096 --> 00:17:35,097
-Robbie?
-Yeah.
383
00:17:35,180 --> 00:17:36,932
-Well, he's an old pal of mine.
-Mm.
384
00:17:37,015 --> 00:17:39,852
I'm happy to text him.
I bet you I can get his ass over here.
385
00:17:40,227 --> 00:17:41,854
I-- I bet she'd love it.
386
00:17:42,437 --> 00:17:45,232
I'll go, uh, track her down
and, uh, run it up the flagpole, huh?
387
00:17:45,983 --> 00:17:47,818
I'm sorry.
That's an expression from back home.
388
00:17:47,901 --> 00:17:50,863
-Just means I'm gonna ask her.
-Fabulous. Showtime.
389
00:17:50,946 --> 00:17:52,155
All right, go get 'em.
390
00:17:52,781 --> 00:17:55,534
Can I get something stronger,
like a Jack on the rocks or something?
391
00:17:55,617 --> 00:17:58,370
A double and a single in one. A triple.
392
00:17:58,453 --> 00:17:59,788
[guests tapping glasses]
393
00:17:59,872 --> 00:18:03,000
Ladies and gentlemen,
slight change in plans.
394
00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:07,171
I have been cajoled into being
your auctioneer for this evening.
395
00:18:07,254 --> 00:18:09,381
[cheering]
396
00:18:09,464 --> 00:18:13,427
And our first victim is Jamie Tartt.
397
00:18:17,055 --> 00:18:18,390
Babe, you have to win me.
398
00:18:18,473 --> 00:18:20,517
I can't bid on my own boyfriend.
I'll look pathetic.
399
00:18:20,601 --> 00:18:22,519
Babe, it's 2020. Women can do anything.
400
00:18:22,603 --> 00:18:25,105
No, it's not happening.
Come on, you look hot. Go up there!
401
00:18:25,189 --> 00:18:29,693
Look at him, folks.
Young, gorgeous, charming. The bastard.
402
00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:32,654
-[guests laugh]
-So, we'll start with £5,000.
403
00:18:32,738 --> 00:18:34,323
I want him, Rupert.
404
00:18:34,406 --> 00:18:37,618
Ooh. Five thousand from Cheryl Barnaby.
405
00:18:37,701 --> 00:18:40,329
Richmond's premier breeder
of Shetland ponies.
406
00:18:40,412 --> 00:18:42,164
Do we hear six?
407
00:18:44,082 --> 00:18:45,209
Six thousand.
408
00:18:45,292 --> 00:18:46,752
Oh. Six. Thank you.
409
00:18:46,835 --> 00:18:49,838
-Seven thousand.
-Seven thousand.
410
00:18:49,922 --> 00:18:51,256
Ten thousand.
411
00:18:51,340 --> 00:18:53,050
-[guests gasping]
-Oh!
412
00:18:53,133 --> 00:18:54,551
Stunning.
413
00:18:54,635 --> 00:18:57,679
Uh, and that applies
to the bid and the bidder.
414
00:18:57,763 --> 00:19:00,015
I don't think so.
415
00:19:01,099 --> 00:19:03,018
-Twelve thousand pounds.
-Fourteen thousand.
416
00:19:03,101 --> 00:19:04,603
[Rupert] Fourteen thousand!
417
00:19:04,686 --> 00:19:05,812
Sixteen thousand.
418
00:19:05,896 --> 00:19:07,022
Eighteen.
419
00:19:07,481 --> 00:19:10,317
[Rupert] Eighteen thousand.
Do I hear any advance?
420
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:12,277
Yeah. Twenty-five thousand.
421
00:19:12,361 --> 00:19:17,366
-[guests gasping]
-Twenty-five thousand! Going once. Twice.
422
00:19:17,449 --> 00:19:19,201
-Sold to Keeley Jones.
-[cheers, applause]
423
00:19:19,284 --> 00:19:24,206
Why spend the time with your boyfriend for
free when you can have him for 25 grand?
424
00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:25,707
-[laughs]
-[mouthing] You owe me.
425
00:19:29,711 --> 00:19:33,173
Hey. There you are.
Getting a little fresh air, huh?
426
00:19:33,257 --> 00:19:37,511
Yeah. Those rickshaw bike things
are so silly, but they do look like fun.
427
00:19:37,594 --> 00:19:38,428
Yeah.
428
00:19:38,512 --> 00:19:40,222
-You ever been on one?
-No, ma'am.
429
00:19:40,305 --> 00:19:44,810
My wife and I once rented one of those
tandem bikes on vacation a while back.
430
00:19:44,893 --> 00:19:48,188
Not the best experience.
She broke her arm and I actually, uh...
431
00:19:48,272 --> 00:19:51,775
Well, I chipped a tooth,
and I bruised my perineum. Oof.
432
00:19:54,194 --> 00:19:56,446
-Hey, you okay?
-Oh, it's just...
433
00:19:57,906 --> 00:19:59,116
That man, he knows me.
434
00:20:00,367 --> 00:20:04,204
I used to think his blunt honesty
was noble rather than what it really is.
435
00:20:04,288 --> 00:20:05,289
Which is just...
436
00:20:07,583 --> 00:20:10,294
the cruelest way
of hiding his own insecurities.
437
00:20:11,461 --> 00:20:13,922
He'd say wear this, eat that.
438
00:20:16,758 --> 00:20:18,302
And I listened.
439
00:20:19,511 --> 00:20:20,888
But now I'm alone.
440
00:20:22,556 --> 00:20:25,934
I'm alone, Ted.
Just like he said I would be if I left.
441
00:20:30,272 --> 00:20:31,690
I don't want to be alone.
442
00:20:36,528 --> 00:20:39,323
Hey. It's okay. Okay.
443
00:20:40,574 --> 00:20:41,825
[sobs]
444
00:20:48,707 --> 00:20:49,708
[horn squeaks]
445
00:20:52,836 --> 00:20:56,715
You wanna hop on this thing
and get the heck outta Dodge? Come on.
446
00:20:56,798 --> 00:20:57,925
I wish.
447
00:20:59,218 --> 00:21:00,844
Not right now. Thank you though.
448
00:21:01,845 --> 00:21:02,846
[horn squeaks]
449
00:21:04,973 --> 00:21:07,184
Has he-- Has he started the auction?
450
00:21:07,643 --> 00:21:08,644
Yeah, yeah.
451
00:21:08,727 --> 00:21:11,647
Good. I'm glad he's done that.
We'll get much more money.
452
00:21:12,940 --> 00:21:15,067
No matter what he does,
they just love him.
453
00:21:18,278 --> 00:21:21,031
-You wanna head back in?
-No, you go ahead.
454
00:21:21,698 --> 00:21:22,699
I need to freshen up.
455
00:21:22,783 --> 00:21:26,745
I probably look like Robert Smith
after he's woken up from a nap.
456
00:21:26,828 --> 00:21:30,123
-[chuckles] Very emotional man. Yeah.
-[chuckles]
457
00:21:30,207 --> 00:21:31,375
Okay, I'll see you inside.
458
00:21:34,670 --> 00:21:36,964
[jazz music playing]
459
00:21:43,303 --> 00:21:44,304
When I was coming up,
460
00:21:44,388 --> 00:21:46,807
there was this old geezer at the club,
Doug Stashwick.
461
00:21:46,890 --> 00:21:48,976
He was always on me. Hated each other.
462
00:21:49,601 --> 00:21:51,728
-You wanna know how we won the league?
-No.
463
00:21:52,396 --> 00:21:54,731
It was the same shit
Yankee Doodle was peddling.
464
00:21:54,815 --> 00:21:57,109
He sat me down and he said,
"Let's get it all out there.
465
00:21:57,192 --> 00:22:00,070
You tell me why I'm a prick,
and I'll tell you why you are."
466
00:22:02,406 --> 00:22:04,324
-You're a nasty bastard--
-No, I'm going first.
467
00:22:05,742 --> 00:22:08,871
Even though I know I should pass to you...
468
00:22:10,038 --> 00:22:11,874
you're so selfish and arrogant.
469
00:22:11,957 --> 00:22:14,084
Every time I do,
it makes me want to fucking puke.
470
00:22:16,587 --> 00:22:20,257
You know, I had a poster of you
on my wall when I was a kid.
471
00:22:21,758 --> 00:22:23,594
Used to love watching you play.
472
00:22:25,721 --> 00:22:28,348
But you're not the player
that you used to be,
473
00:22:28,432 --> 00:22:30,684
and just because you won a few trophies,
474
00:22:30,767 --> 00:22:33,854
you walk around here
expecting everyone to kiss your ring.
475
00:22:36,815 --> 00:22:39,902
-Yeah, I can be like that.
-[chuckles]
476
00:22:45,699 --> 00:22:47,618
Now's the bit
where you admit to what I said.
477
00:22:48,368 --> 00:22:50,120
-I don't wanna.
-[scoffs]
478
00:22:51,997 --> 00:22:53,207
Even if it is just...
479
00:22:54,666 --> 00:22:55,751
a little bit true.
480
00:23:01,215 --> 00:23:03,300
You and that Doug bloke,
you ever become friends?
481
00:23:03,383 --> 00:23:05,427
Fuck no. I hope he's dead.
482
00:23:05,511 --> 00:23:06,887
[chuckles]
483
00:23:07,638 --> 00:23:08,764
To you dying.
484
00:23:09,389 --> 00:23:11,141
[chuckles]
485
00:23:11,225 --> 00:23:12,434
Such a prick.
486
00:23:12,518 --> 00:23:15,562
[men laughing]
487
00:23:15,646 --> 00:23:16,897
Howdy, partner.
488
00:23:16,980 --> 00:23:18,524
[both chuckle]
489
00:23:18,607 --> 00:23:21,777
So, you ask Rebecca
what she thought about texting Robbie?
490
00:23:22,361 --> 00:23:25,781
You know what? I couldn't find her.
I say don't worry about it.
491
00:23:25,864 --> 00:23:28,450
If you change your mind, say the word
and-- [imitates whooshing] sent.
492
00:23:28,534 --> 00:23:30,869
He'll be right over. Top up.
493
00:23:31,578 --> 00:23:33,705
Hey, Rupert,
something just occurred to me.
494
00:23:33,789 --> 00:23:37,251
If you could've texted Robbie Williams
asking him to come tonight...
495
00:23:38,794 --> 00:23:42,172
you could've probably just as easily
asked him not to come.
496
00:23:43,090 --> 00:23:44,424
[chuckles]
497
00:23:44,508 --> 00:23:47,427
Well, now, that would've made me
a real piece of shit, wouldn't it?
498
00:23:53,767 --> 00:23:57,688
Hey, Ted. Uh, do you think Rebecca knows
what the real Adele looks like?
499
00:23:58,897 --> 00:24:01,149
I need to go on a little adventure,
and I need a copilot.
500
00:24:01,233 --> 00:24:03,861
-And you want me?
-Yeah. Forget the rest, I need the best.
501
00:24:03,944 --> 00:24:06,196
-Come on, follow me.
-[gags]
502
00:24:10,826 --> 00:24:13,120
-Thank you, by the way.
-Huh?
503
00:24:13,537 --> 00:24:17,624
The, um, red carpet photos
are already online,
504
00:24:17,708 --> 00:24:21,336
and I actually look all right for once.
505
00:24:21,420 --> 00:24:22,921
Oh. Glad to help.
506
00:24:26,592 --> 00:24:27,634
-Keeley?
-Mm-hmm?
507
00:24:27,718 --> 00:24:28,719
I think you should know
508
00:24:28,802 --> 00:24:32,639
that the young woman that was bidding
on Jamie was actually his other plus-one.
509
00:24:34,850 --> 00:24:36,435
Cheeky little prick.
510
00:24:39,897 --> 00:24:42,399
-Can I have a sip of your drink?
-Oh, yes.
511
00:24:42,482 --> 00:24:43,609
Thanks.
512
00:24:43,692 --> 00:24:46,528
[groans] In anything else, I hate olives.
513
00:24:46,612 --> 00:24:50,824
I think the little, like,
orange clitoris thing is really freaky.
514
00:24:51,533 --> 00:24:52,701
[sips]
515
00:24:53,911 --> 00:24:55,954
-Have you ever dated a footballer?
-[chuckles]
516
00:24:56,371 --> 00:24:58,373
-What?
-Sorry.
517
00:24:58,957 --> 00:25:02,252
I shouldn't laugh. It sounds... judgy.
518
00:25:02,336 --> 00:25:04,463
No, it's okay. You are a bit judgy.
519
00:25:04,546 --> 00:25:07,549
So when I was 18,
I dated a footballer that was 23.
520
00:25:08,717 --> 00:25:13,013
[sighs] Now I'm close to 30, and I am
still dating a 23-year-old footballer.
521
00:25:13,096 --> 00:25:15,974
[chuckles] I'm Leonardo DiCaprio.
522
00:25:17,851 --> 00:25:19,019
They are pretty fun though.
523
00:25:20,103 --> 00:25:22,523
Simple, rich, fit.
524
00:25:22,606 --> 00:25:24,316
What about accountable?
525
00:25:25,025 --> 00:25:26,026
What do you mean?
526
00:25:26,610 --> 00:25:29,780
Well, I mean,
everyone makes mistakes, but...
527
00:25:31,657 --> 00:25:34,284
I was married to a man for 12 years
528
00:25:34,993 --> 00:25:38,539
who never once took responsibility
for any single one of them.
529
00:25:48,006 --> 00:25:49,174
Hi.
530
00:25:49,258 --> 00:25:50,259
-Hi.
-I'm Keeley.
531
00:25:50,342 --> 00:25:51,343
Hi, I'm Bex.
532
00:25:51,426 --> 00:25:53,220
-Really nice to meet you, Bex.
-Nice to meet you.
533
00:25:53,303 --> 00:25:55,389
Do you mind if I just have a minute
on my own with this one?
534
00:25:55,472 --> 00:25:58,225
[Bex] Yeah, sure. Lovely to meet you.
535
00:25:59,768 --> 00:26:01,061
She your new girlfriend?
536
00:26:01,144 --> 00:26:04,773
Relax, babe.
It's all part of the branding plan, innit?
537
00:26:04,857 --> 00:26:07,776
If I've got two women bidding on me,
it makes me look more valuable.
538
00:26:07,860 --> 00:26:08,944
Do you know what I mean?
539
00:26:09,778 --> 00:26:11,613
-It's fucking smart, eh?
-[applause]
540
00:26:11,697 --> 00:26:17,452
And now, the only former Champions League
winner on the menu, say hello to Roy Kent.
541
00:26:17,536 --> 00:26:18,579
Granddad.
542
00:26:21,081 --> 00:26:26,336
And the highest bidder gets to spend
a day at a swanky hotel by the pool
543
00:26:26,420 --> 00:26:29,965
drinking frozen daiquiris
and soaking up the rays--
544
00:26:30,048 --> 00:26:32,259
No, we said
there's no daiquiris and no rays.
545
00:26:32,342 --> 00:26:33,552
-[guests laugh]
-[Rupert] Um...
546
00:26:34,094 --> 00:26:37,306
There's not gonna be a fucking pool
either. We're not leaving SW14.
547
00:26:37,389 --> 00:26:40,058
You looked so jealous. It was so cool.
548
00:26:40,142 --> 00:26:42,019
Oh, you think jealousy is cool, do you?
549
00:26:42,102 --> 00:26:43,604
Don't know, babe. I don't get jealous.
550
00:26:43,687 --> 00:26:47,065
Well, can we have 100 quid for what's
turning out to be a very boring date?
551
00:26:47,524 --> 00:26:49,735
-All right. A thousand pounds.
-Oh.
552
00:26:49,818 --> 00:26:53,739
-Uh, any advances on that?
-Two thousand pounds!
553
00:26:53,822 --> 00:26:57,075
Ooh! Cheryl's got fire inside her.
554
00:26:57,159 --> 00:27:00,078
-Three thousand pounds.
-Babe, you're just embarrassing yourself.
555
00:27:00,704 --> 00:27:02,623
Four thousand pounds!
556
00:27:02,706 --> 00:27:03,790
Five thousand!
557
00:27:04,541 --> 00:27:06,835
Six thousand pounds.
558
00:27:06,919 --> 00:27:08,879
-[Rupert] Any advance on six?
-I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
559
00:27:10,088 --> 00:27:12,049
[Rupert] Okay, sold to Cheryl.
560
00:27:12,132 --> 00:27:13,675
Whoo-hoo!
561
00:27:19,723 --> 00:27:24,728
That concludes the auction,
apart from one small surprise.
562
00:27:25,604 --> 00:27:31,527
I am personally donating
£1 million to the cause.
563
00:27:34,154 --> 00:27:35,155
Thank you.
564
00:27:35,656 --> 00:27:37,449
Thank you very much. Thank you.
565
00:27:37,533 --> 00:27:43,705
And that, I believe, gets Rebecca
over her goal of 800,000. Thank you.
566
00:27:47,459 --> 00:27:48,794
For the children, eh?
567
00:27:53,507 --> 00:27:55,509
[cheers, applause]
568
00:28:00,556 --> 00:28:01,640
Rebecca.
569
00:28:01,723 --> 00:28:05,644
This here is Cam Cole.
He's an undiscovered mega-talent.
570
00:28:05,727 --> 00:28:07,187
Go on, Cam. Show 'em what you got.
571
00:28:11,441 --> 00:28:12,442
Are you insane?
572
00:28:12,526 --> 00:28:16,488
Hey, Rebecca. You do not wanna judge
this book by its cover right here, okay?
573
00:28:17,865 --> 00:28:18,866
Oh, the hell with it.
574
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:21,618
-[applause]
-Ooh. Yes.
575
00:28:22,911 --> 00:28:27,916
Hello again. Uh, ladies and gentlemen,
I regret to inform you that, uh...
576
00:28:29,209 --> 00:28:33,297
Robbie Williams is unable to be here
tonight due to an emergency.
577
00:28:33,380 --> 00:28:38,218
But we have a brilliant replacement
for you who you are just going to love.
578
00:28:38,302 --> 00:28:41,180
Or, at least, have lots to talk about
on the way home.
579
00:28:41,263 --> 00:28:47,603
Uh, all the way from outside...
please welcome Cam something.
580
00:28:48,478 --> 00:28:50,606
[scattered applause]
581
00:28:54,818 --> 00:28:56,111
-[microphone squeals]
-Oh, bollocks.
582
00:28:57,696 --> 00:28:58,697
What does that mean?
583
00:28:59,656 --> 00:29:02,367
[playing rock music]
584
00:29:12,961 --> 00:29:18,592
♪ Mama, sweet mama nature
Please forgive us and what we've done ♪
585
00:29:21,553 --> 00:29:23,889
Can we just forget about the game
and go and have a dance?
586
00:29:24,598 --> 00:29:26,683
Queen to king five. Checkmate.
587
00:29:27,684 --> 00:29:28,685
[scoffs]
588
00:29:31,438 --> 00:29:33,732
-[song continues]
-[cheering]
589
00:29:33,815 --> 00:29:36,777
♪ We've gone and hurt our mama ♪
590
00:29:36,860 --> 00:29:40,072
♪ And her wrath has begun ♪
591
00:30:02,970 --> 00:30:06,014
♪ 'Cause I'm a good boy to my mama ♪
592
00:30:09,101 --> 00:30:13,814
♪ But ♪
593
00:30:13,897 --> 00:30:19,027
♪ I've got bad siblings ♪
594
00:30:21,780 --> 00:30:23,782
-[song ends]
-[cheering]
595
00:30:27,536 --> 00:30:29,121
-[woman] Thank you so much.
-[Rebecca] Oh, you're so welcome.
596
00:30:29,204 --> 00:30:31,248
-[woman] We really had a great time.
-Thank you so much.
597
00:30:32,291 --> 00:30:33,417
Good night.
598
00:30:33,959 --> 00:30:36,670
Thank you again
for such an unbelievable donation.
599
00:30:36,753 --> 00:30:38,505
-See you again next year.
-Can't wait.
600
00:30:45,470 --> 00:30:46,680
[Ted] What a charmer, huh?
601
00:30:47,347 --> 00:30:48,390
[Rebecca] Indeed.
602
00:30:48,849 --> 00:30:49,766
[Ted] Hmm.
603
00:30:51,268 --> 00:30:55,189
You may think that you're the only one
that can see who he really is...
604
00:30:56,690 --> 00:30:57,691
but you're not.
605
00:31:04,823 --> 00:31:06,325
Oh, boy. You all right, buddy?
606
00:31:08,410 --> 00:31:10,245
-Quick.
-All right.
607
00:31:10,329 --> 00:31:11,330
Fun night.
608
00:31:12,915 --> 00:31:15,125
Hey, wait, hold on. Slow down, Coach.
609
00:31:15,209 --> 00:31:16,919
[typing]
610
00:31:19,171 --> 00:31:20,964
Will you stop being mad at me now?
611
00:31:22,549 --> 00:31:23,509
Mm?
612
00:31:24,009 --> 00:31:25,219
I'm sorry, babe.
613
00:31:27,638 --> 00:31:29,890
Do you even know
what you're sorry for, Jamie?
614
00:31:29,973 --> 00:31:31,600
[sighs] You always ask me that.
615
00:31:32,392 --> 00:31:34,520
Hey, do me a favor.
616
00:31:34,603 --> 00:31:36,605
Don't use me as a prop
in your little fights.
617
00:31:37,564 --> 00:31:38,732
Made me feel like an idiot.
618
00:31:41,068 --> 00:31:42,903
I'm sorry. I--
619
00:31:43,445 --> 00:31:44,655
I shouldn't have done that.
620
00:31:45,906 --> 00:31:46,907
Thanks.
621
00:31:47,533 --> 00:31:49,868
No one was bidding on you anyway, mate.
Just fuck off.
622
00:31:51,411 --> 00:31:52,412
Go on.
623
00:31:56,667 --> 00:31:58,210
What are you saying sorry to him for?
624
00:31:58,710 --> 00:32:00,712
Being accountable matters, Jamie.
625
00:32:01,547 --> 00:32:02,548
[scoffs]
626
00:32:03,674 --> 00:32:04,675
We're done.
627
00:32:06,093 --> 00:32:07,094
I'll see you around.
628
00:32:10,931 --> 00:32:11,932
Whatever.
629
00:32:18,438 --> 00:32:20,566
Excuse me, can I take these?
630
00:32:20,649 --> 00:32:21,650
Two?
631
00:32:23,318 --> 00:32:24,528
[grunts]
632
00:32:24,611 --> 00:32:27,030
[pop music playing]
633
00:32:31,451 --> 00:32:33,120
Do you wanna go get, like, really drunk?
634
00:32:33,537 --> 00:32:36,248
-Yes, I do.
-Then we can go rob a bank or something.
635
00:32:43,005 --> 00:32:45,048
Michelle and Henry
are coming out next weekend.
636
00:32:45,132 --> 00:32:46,508
-Hey, that's great, Coach.
-Yeah.
637
00:32:47,217 --> 00:32:49,511
So come on, tell me about you and Jane.
What happened?
638
00:32:49,595 --> 00:32:51,221
[sighs] I did it again.
639
00:32:51,305 --> 00:32:54,016
-Put the game before the dame, huh?
-Yup.
640
00:32:54,099 --> 00:32:55,642
When are you gonna learn, Coach?
641
00:32:55,726 --> 00:32:58,187
-[Keeley shouts]
-[horn squeaks]
642
00:32:58,270 --> 00:33:00,856
[both laugh]
643
00:33:01,190 --> 00:33:04,359
[song continues]