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[classical guitar music playing]
2
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[birds chirping]
3
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Hello, mon cher.
4
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Coach! Over here.
5
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Oh.
6
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Thank God.
7
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[Sam] Z-man, Dani.
8
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[speaking French]
9
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-He looks like a beautiful angel-man.
-[Sam laughs]
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Good morning, sunshine.
11
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You okay?
12
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Oh, I didn't want to miss the bus,
so I just slept in here.
13
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Sorry, I'm gonna vomit. Sorry.
14
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[muffled] Oh-- Oh, my God.
15
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[whispers] Wait. What am I doing?
This is my fucking room.
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Oi! Out.
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[Sassy] Hey, you.
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Hey. Good morning.
19
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I-- I got you a coffee.
20
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-Oh. Thank you.
-Yeah.
21
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You been up long?
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Um... hour or two.
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You know? I guess three hours total.
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Last night was fun.
25
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Oh, yeah. Five stars. Certified fresh.
26
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-Mm. Have you got to go?
-Uh, yeah.
27
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But, you know, you don't need
to rush out or anything.
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I got you a late checkout.
29
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Oh. That's very thoughtful of you.
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Go on then. You go.
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I'm gonna go back to sleep,
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and then I'm gonna order
a huge breakfast on your tab.
33
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-That's a pro move right there. Yeah.
-[chuckles]
34
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Hey, I'll be your Underhills anytime.
[chuckles]
35
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Okay. Well, um...
I'll see you around, I guess.
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[both chuckle]
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[theme music plays]
38
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[Coach Beard] Coach.
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Hey, Coach.
40
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-Coach.
-Yeah?
41
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-Something on your mind, Coach?
-No, why?
42
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We just had a five-hour bus ride
where you didn't talk a lick,
43
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and that's a record by about five hours.
44
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[clears throat]
45
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Okay, look. I'm gonna tell you something
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but then I don't wanna talk about it
ever again, okay?
47
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-Okay.
-I'm serious.
48
00:02:54,049 --> 00:02:55,467
I don't want to make jokes about it.
49
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I don't want you giving me
any knowing glances.
50
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-You know what I mean? Okay.
-Okay.
51
00:03:00,138 --> 00:03:01,139
Um...
52
00:03:01,932 --> 00:03:03,642
Last night, I, uh...
53
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I slept with Rebecca's friend Sassy.
54
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-Want to talk about it?
-I'd love to. Yeah. Immediately.
55
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There you are.
56
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I thought this room was haunted.
57
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No. We sorted that.
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Is now a good time?
59
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Yeah. You can come in.
She can't hear anything with those in.
60
00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:26,164
You sure?
61
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Gail, you think the royal family
are lizards, right?
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-[Roy groans]
-Twenty-three. So young.
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What's she listening to?
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Always murder podcasts.
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Last night was crazy.
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Right, yeah. It was pretty sloppy.
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[exhales] I could really use a bucket
of coffee to nurse this hangover.
68
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Do you wanna go get one with me
when you're done?
69
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Not today. I can't. I'm busy.
70
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He's lying.
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Right. I'm gonna have to ask you to leave,
72
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'cause she's about to go to town on my
hamstrings and I make a lot of noises,
73
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and I don't like people hearing my noises.
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Cool. All right.
I'll see you around, yeah?
75
00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:11,376
Okay.
76
00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:13,504
[grunts, whines]
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'Cause, look, it's just not something
I've ever done before, okay?
78
00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:20,260
And look, I got no judgment on people
that have one-night stands, okay?
79
00:04:20,344 --> 00:04:24,473
I mean, if you are, you know, nuts
for butts, have at it. That's what I say.
80
00:04:24,556 --> 00:04:25,682
Coach, did you have fun?
81
00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:28,393
Oh, come on, Coach.
I don't like all that kiss-and-tell stuff.
82
00:04:28,477 --> 00:04:31,021
Coach, did you have fun?
83
00:04:34,191 --> 00:04:35,359
And did she have fun?
84
00:04:37,319 --> 00:04:41,156
Mm. Yeah, that movement's,
uh, making me feel queasy.
85
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-[groans]
-Okay. So, then what's the problem?
86
00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:45,744
I mean, maybe I just haven't really
come to peace with the fact
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that I went from having a mental breakdown
at a karaoke joint in Liverpool
88
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to, uh, you know,
sleeping with a woman I just met.
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And then somewhere in between there,
getting a divorce.
90
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-Well, it makes sense to me.
-I must say that this is lovely.
91
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Ever since I was little,
92
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I always used to dream
about sitting down with a bunch of mates
93
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talking about the complex dynamics
between men and women.
94
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Okay, here's another question for y'all.
Uh, should I tell Rebecca?
95
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-[all] No.
-Oh, come on now. Why not?
96
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I mean, it'd break my heart if I found out
she was hiding something from me.
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-[gags]
-[gags]
98
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-What's happening? You having a meeting?
-Yep. I'm having lady problems.
99
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-I'd love to get your perspective on it.
-No.
100
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Ted, can I be honest with you?
101
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Come on, let it rip.
102
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You seem intent on going 12 rounds
with yourself. Why?
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What did you do wrong?
104
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He's right.
105
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Time to get you some of these.
106
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What, scissors?
107
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Yeah. To cut yourself some slack.
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Wow.
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Y'all stuck the landing on that.
That was nice.
110
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Tell you what, I gotta get you all
some satin jackets made,
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with "Ted Lasso's Personal Dilemma Squad"
embroidered on the back there.
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That's a clunky name.
There's gotta be something better here.
113
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Let me think. Oh, I know.
How about, uh, the "EQ Warriors"?
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The "Knights of Support"?
115
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Mm. Nah. Sounds like a brand of jockstrap.
116
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Um, the "Proud Boys"?
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[vomits, groans]
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What about the "Diamond Dogs"?
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Attaboy, Nate. Diamond Dogs it is.
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Whoo!
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[howls]
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[Keeley] Oh, come on, Roy.
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[doorbell rings]
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I thought you were supposed to be
in Manchester.
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We played West Ham, so I'm in town.
126
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Yeah. Come in. How you doing?
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Uh, yeah, I'm good.
128
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I had ten touches,
I had two completed dribbles,
129
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and in the 89th minute
they let me take a free kick.
130
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I scored. Got half a chub.
131
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Ah. So you thought you'd bring
your half-chub over here then, right?
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No. No, I just, uh, wanted to talk.
133
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You know, everything happened so fast
when Lasso dumped me.
134
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Oi. Come on. Lasso didn't dump you.
Man City wanted you back.
135
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:08,470
No, no. Lasso could have stopped it,
but he didn't. Yeah.
136
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-Ah. Mm...
-[stammers] Just let me finish, yeah?
137
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I dated a lot of girls, right?
138
00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:19,731
But you, you saw an even greater Jamie
inside an already great Jamie.
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[chuckles]
140
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You made me cultured.
Took me to plays and shit.
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You hated all of that.
142
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Yeah, 'cause it's confusing.
143
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They do all these emotional things,
make you feel all these emotional ways.
144
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And then they get mad
when you start trying to shout out
145
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and talk to them during a performance.
146
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,539
-[laughs]
-It's weird.
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You also taught me to try
to not get in me own way so much.
148
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So... thank you for that.
149
00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:47,509
You're welcome, Jamie.
150
00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:54,349
You know, this is the first time
you've been over to this house
151
00:07:54,433 --> 00:07:56,435
and you haven't sent me
some, like, weird sex emoji.
152
00:07:56,518 --> 00:08:01,064
-Like the eggplant or the squirting water.
-Or the little squirrel.
153
00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:03,192
The little squirrel.
I never understood that one.
154
00:08:03,275 --> 00:08:05,235
Well, he's, uh,
he's holding a little nut, isn't he?
155
00:08:05,319 --> 00:08:06,528
-Yeah.
-[chuckling] Yeah.
156
00:08:06,612 --> 00:08:07,779
He is. Yeah.
157
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Right.
158
00:08:11,325 --> 00:08:12,868
Do you wanna have a drink with me?
159
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Eh... nah.
160
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Unless by "drink" you mean...
161
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[door closes]
162
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So that's how you get sex?
163
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By not trying for sex?
164
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Sometimes that is exactly how it works.
165
00:08:33,764 --> 00:08:35,557
Ah. I never knew that.
166
00:08:36,308 --> 00:08:37,558
[Keeley laughs]
167
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-Morning, boss.
-[chuckles]
168
00:08:42,397 --> 00:08:45,734
Now, you don't just get biscuits today.
169
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I also got you a little box
of chocolate truffles.
170
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-Oh, you fucker. Don't do this to me.
-[Ted chuckles]
171
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What you should do is take
one of them truffles
172
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and smoosh it in between the biscuits
like it's a little breakfast sandwich--
173
00:08:56,328 --> 00:08:57,704
Yeah, there you go. You got it.
174
00:08:58,288 --> 00:08:59,998
-Yeah. Mm-hmm.
-[moans]
175
00:09:00,082 --> 00:09:04,670
Yeah. And hey, I wanna thank you again
for being there for me up in Liverpool.
176
00:09:04,753 --> 00:09:07,923
-Oh. It was nothing, Ted.
-No, no. It was something.
177
00:09:08,006 --> 00:09:10,843
You got a coupon for life, young lady.
Yeah. I got your back.
178
00:09:10,926 --> 00:09:14,221
Think of me as your own
personal metaphorical Saint Bernard.
179
00:09:14,304 --> 00:09:16,890
You don't need to be dealing
with a metaphorical avalanche
180
00:09:16,974 --> 00:09:20,227
to avail yourself to the metaphorical
bourbon hanging around my neck.
181
00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:21,937
Metaphorically speaking. Okay?
182
00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:23,021
All right now.
183
00:09:23,105 --> 00:09:24,857
-Oh! Actually, Ted.
-Mm.
184
00:09:24,940 --> 00:09:26,775
If you do want to be there for me,
185
00:09:26,859 --> 00:09:30,112
I have a meeting later
with two minority owners of the club.
186
00:09:30,195 --> 00:09:31,196
The Milk sisters.
187
00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:33,407
The most horrible human cocktail
188
00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:36,994
of being terribly dull
and yet, they never shut up.
189
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,078
Please join me.
190
00:09:38,161 --> 00:09:39,329
Done and doner.
191
00:09:39,413 --> 00:09:43,041
[exhales] Perfect.
I can just introduce you all,
192
00:09:43,125 --> 00:09:45,836
leave you wittering on,
and slip out and do anything else.
193
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:47,045
How much of the club they own?
194
00:09:47,129 --> 00:09:48,297
2.9%.
195
00:09:48,380 --> 00:09:52,301
I'm gonna round that down to two.
Then I can call those gals the "2% Milks."
196
00:09:52,384 --> 00:09:53,969
Oh, God. They're gonna adore you.
197
00:09:54,052 --> 00:09:56,805
It's gonna be fun. All right.
I'll leave you be. See ya now.
198
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:01,518
In my experience, I've always found
that endorsements work best
199
00:10:01,602 --> 00:10:03,020
if you really believe in the product.
200
00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:05,731
So, I can find good opportunities
for you guys
201
00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:07,524
if you let me know what you're into.
202
00:10:07,608 --> 00:10:08,817
I love Air Jordans.
203
00:10:09,610 --> 00:10:11,069
I'd fuck a pair of Jordans.
204
00:10:11,737 --> 00:10:13,447
All right. So, athletic wear then, yeah?
205
00:10:13,530 --> 00:10:15,532
I'm into issue-oriented products.
206
00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:17,409
You know,
pro-environment or anti-pollution.
207
00:10:17,492 --> 00:10:18,535
That kind of thing.
208
00:10:18,619 --> 00:10:20,412
Oh, and also Air Jordans.
209
00:10:20,495 --> 00:10:22,206
-But I don't want to sleep with them.
-[Keeley] Mm-hmm.
210
00:10:22,289 --> 00:10:23,749
Isaac, what about you?
211
00:10:23,832 --> 00:10:25,501
Uh, Rolos.
212
00:10:26,210 --> 00:10:29,546
So, sweets and chocolate then?
213
00:10:29,630 --> 00:10:32,299
No. Just Rolos, yeah?
214
00:10:32,883 --> 00:10:34,885
And none of that Sour Patch
bullshit either, yeah?
215
00:10:35,469 --> 00:10:36,512
Okay.
216
00:10:36,595 --> 00:10:39,139
Well, that's a great start from you guys.
Thank you.
217
00:10:41,350 --> 00:10:42,351
[Isaac] Hey, Captain.
218
00:10:45,229 --> 00:10:46,230
What's all this?
219
00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:48,148
Oh, Rebecca's letting me use this room
as my office
220
00:10:48,232 --> 00:10:50,943
until she sets me up with somewhere
proper. That's why I have this.
221
00:10:51,026 --> 00:10:53,695
So if they need to use the room,
I can just shove everything into it.
222
00:10:53,779 --> 00:10:55,822
Efficient.
Do you want to see a movie later?
223
00:10:56,448 --> 00:10:58,492
-What the fuck is wrong with you?
-What?
224
00:10:58,575 --> 00:11:00,702
I asked you if you wanted
to go get coffee with me yesterday
225
00:11:00,786 --> 00:11:02,538
-and you said you were busy.
-I was busy.
226
00:11:02,621 --> 00:11:05,040
-You never texted me back last night.
-Yeah. I was busy.
227
00:11:05,123 --> 00:11:07,042
What about the kiss?
You took off like it was a shit kiss,
228
00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:09,002
and it was not a shit kiss. I was on fire.
229
00:11:09,086 --> 00:11:11,880
-I agree.
-So what is your fucking problem, Roy?
230
00:11:11,964 --> 00:11:14,299
Listen, I'm a professional footballer.
231
00:11:14,383 --> 00:11:16,510
I have had a million one-night stands.
232
00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:17,594
-So have I.
-Great.
233
00:11:17,678 --> 00:11:19,513
-I don't know why we're bragging about it.
-Neither do I.
234
00:11:19,596 --> 00:11:22,599
And they always feel empty.
Well, not the first part.
235
00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:24,643
-No, at first they're wicked.
-They're fucking great.
236
00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:27,020
-But when it's all done, I feel like--
-Like shit.
237
00:11:27,104 --> 00:11:30,148
Exactly. And I always end up
with my watch being stolen
238
00:11:30,232 --> 00:11:32,609
or a story in the press
about how my penis has a curve in it.
239
00:11:32,693 --> 00:11:33,986
Does it actually?
240
00:11:34,069 --> 00:11:35,904
No, I just make it feel like it does
with my hips.
241
00:11:35,988 --> 00:11:38,782
Anyway, the point is,
I'm trying to do this differently.
242
00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:42,452
I should have told you that. I apologize.
243
00:11:42,536 --> 00:11:48,584
And I am trying to be more honest.
244
00:11:49,293 --> 00:11:50,294
Thank you.
245
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:52,087
Okay, then.
246
00:11:54,339 --> 00:11:56,884
[sighs] I think you should know
that I slept with Jamie.
247
00:11:56,967 --> 00:11:58,051
Yes, I am aware of that.
248
00:11:58,135 --> 00:11:59,511
I mean last night.
249
00:12:01,263 --> 00:12:02,890
I didn't think you were into me.
250
00:12:02,973 --> 00:12:05,392
I didn't know what you wanted,
and I knew exactly what he wanted.
251
00:12:05,475 --> 00:12:08,145
So you fucked him to get back at me
for something I didn't even know I did.
252
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:10,898
[scoffs] No. I-- No.
253
00:12:11,565 --> 00:12:12,649
No.
254
00:12:12,733 --> 00:12:13,734
Yes.
255
00:12:14,318 --> 00:12:16,236
Yup. That's exactly what I did.
256
00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:18,488
[grunts softly]
257
00:12:18,572 --> 00:12:20,991
I fucked up, Roy. I'm really sorry.
258
00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:24,077
But I need you to be okay with this.
259
00:12:24,161 --> 00:12:25,412
[grunts]
260
00:12:26,455 --> 00:12:28,916
Um, well, why don't you just come
and tell me how you feel about it
261
00:12:28,999 --> 00:12:30,542
once you've figured out
how to speak again?
262
00:12:31,543 --> 00:12:33,128
[grunts]
263
00:12:34,755 --> 00:12:35,756
[door slams]
264
00:12:45,349 --> 00:12:46,350
Hi, Roy.
265
00:12:48,060 --> 00:12:49,144
[grunts]
266
00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:53,106
Something on your mind?
267
00:12:53,190 --> 00:12:54,525
[grunts]
268
00:12:54,608 --> 00:12:57,277
Is that grunt all I get to go on?
269
00:12:57,361 --> 00:12:59,947
That's okay. I'll give it a shot here.
Uh, let's see.
270
00:13:00,030 --> 00:13:02,950
You are thinking about
buying your first house.
271
00:13:03,867 --> 00:13:05,202
No, not that. Okay.
272
00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:08,497
You just realized your dad
might be a little racist.
273
00:13:08,580 --> 00:13:11,124
Stop. He's in his 60s
and he's from South London.
274
00:13:11,208 --> 00:13:12,543
Of course my dad's a little racist.
275
00:13:12,626 --> 00:13:15,379
Look, me and Keeley
might be starting up a thing,
276
00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:18,882
but every time I think about her,
277
00:13:18,966 --> 00:13:21,260
all I think about is Jamie fucking Tartt.
278
00:13:21,802 --> 00:13:23,637
Ooh-whee!
279
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:27,599
Sounds to me like someone's trapped
inside life's most complicated shape.
280
00:13:27,683 --> 00:13:28,684
A love triangle.
281
00:13:28,767 --> 00:13:31,937
Second place of course is
the "I just walked in on my mother-in-law
282
00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:34,106
changing into her swimsuit" dodecahedron.
283
00:13:34,189 --> 00:13:36,900
Does my face look like it's in the mood
for shape-based jokes?
284
00:13:36,984 --> 00:13:38,318
No, Roy, it does not.
285
00:13:38,986 --> 00:13:40,946
But, in my defense, it rarely does.
286
00:13:41,029 --> 00:13:43,073
Oh. I know exactly what to do here,
though.
287
00:13:44,032 --> 00:13:45,576
-What are you doing?
-Oh.
288
00:13:45,659 --> 00:13:47,661
Don't you fret, my fine furry fella.
289
00:13:47,744 --> 00:13:51,707
In a matter of minutes, your relationship
dilemma will be in the past.
290
00:13:51,790 --> 00:13:54,168
For I am rounding up the Diamond Dogs.
291
00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:56,295
Who the fuck are the Diamond Dogs?
292
00:13:56,378 --> 00:13:58,672
It's just a group of people who care, Roy.
293
00:13:58,755 --> 00:14:01,884
Not unlike folks at a hip-hop concert
whose hands are not in the air.
294
00:14:01,967 --> 00:14:04,136
Okay, so this is about
you and Keeley, right?
295
00:14:04,678 --> 00:14:07,806
-Saw this coming.
-Nothing like the early days of courtship.
296
00:14:07,890 --> 00:14:09,600
Okay, this is my fucking nightmare.
297
00:14:09,683 --> 00:14:12,519
I think the idea of you and Keeley
is like cookies and cream.
298
00:14:12,603 --> 00:14:15,898
And I think we all agree, two great tastes
that go great together, right?
299
00:14:15,981 --> 00:14:17,191
-[Higgins] Yeah.
-Perfect analogy.
300
00:14:17,274 --> 00:14:20,027
Yes, I am into her.
But we all know who her ex-boyfriend is.
301
00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:22,154
The prince prick of all pricks.
302
00:14:22,237 --> 00:14:24,364
And I've got him stuck right in here.
303
00:14:24,448 --> 00:14:25,824
I don't understand the problem.
304
00:14:25,908 --> 00:14:27,576
I mean, Keeley's just so kind.
305
00:14:27,659 --> 00:14:31,330
You know, to be liked by someone like her
must be... 's wonderful.
306
00:14:31,413 --> 00:14:33,290
Mm. Shout out to the Gershwin brothers
right there.
307
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:34,708
[Coach Beard] Fuck yeah, the Gershwins.
308
00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:36,418
But dang it, fellas,
you're still not getting it!
309
00:14:36,502 --> 00:14:37,461
Thank you.
310
00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:41,423
Sure, Roy here has slept with
a bunch of different people in his past.
311
00:14:41,507 --> 00:14:45,552
But Keeley's got her own romantic
and sexual history that predates Roy.
312
00:14:45,636 --> 00:14:46,970
And that's not okay!
313
00:14:47,888 --> 00:14:49,223
Oh, he means the opposite.
314
00:14:49,306 --> 00:14:51,183
I love it when Coach does sarcasm.
315
00:14:51,767 --> 00:14:53,227
I can't control my feelings.
316
00:14:53,310 --> 00:14:56,188
Well, then by all means
you should let them control you.
317
00:14:56,605 --> 00:14:58,315
Ah! He's doing it again.
318
00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:00,067
[chuckles] Good eye.
319
00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:02,986
Look, Roy, all this Chandler Bing-ing
aside, do me a favor.
320
00:15:03,070 --> 00:15:05,364
Don't let her past muck around
with y'all's future, okay?
321
00:15:05,447 --> 00:15:07,574
She slept with him last night.
322
00:15:10,244 --> 00:15:13,038
-I mean, are you two officially dating?
-No.
323
00:15:13,121 --> 00:15:15,082
-Have you already slept together?
-No.
324
00:15:15,165 --> 00:15:16,792
Coach, you wanna bring this home?
325
00:15:18,168 --> 00:15:20,629
Grow up and get over it.
326
00:15:23,507 --> 00:15:25,467
The Diamond Dogs have struck again.
327
00:15:25,551 --> 00:15:28,220
[howling, barking]
328
00:15:29,721 --> 00:15:30,722
You're all pricks.
329
00:15:31,139 --> 00:15:32,933
[howling, barking]
330
00:15:35,394 --> 00:15:37,855
All righty. See the Milk sisters anywhere?
331
00:15:37,938 --> 00:15:39,731
You want me to go skim the back room?
[chuckles]
332
00:15:39,815 --> 00:15:42,234
-[sighs] Don't make me regret this, Ted.
-Oh, don't worry, don't worry.
333
00:15:42,317 --> 00:15:43,986
I'm gonna be an udder gentleman, okay?
334
00:15:44,069 --> 00:15:47,865
Hey, I wonder if they've ever seen
the movie, uh, Bridget Jones's Dairy.
335
00:15:48,532 --> 00:15:50,450
Sorry, that's not my breast milk pun.
I can do better.
336
00:15:50,534 --> 00:15:53,036
Oh, my God, this was a horrible idea.
Seriously, please go home.
337
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:55,414
-Oh, come on. It's gonna be fun.
-Stop.
338
00:15:57,416 --> 00:15:58,750
There she is.
339
00:16:02,421 --> 00:16:03,547
Rupert, what are you doing here?
340
00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:05,382
We came to celebrate.
341
00:16:05,966 --> 00:16:07,676
Uh, Rebecca, Rebecca. Rebecca, Rebecca.
342
00:16:07,759 --> 00:16:09,094
It's nice to see you again.
343
00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:11,847
-And this is Ted.
-Howdy.
344
00:16:11,930 --> 00:16:13,765
Yeah. Uh, join us for a drink.
345
00:16:13,849 --> 00:16:16,226
Here you go, Rupert. Anything else?
346
00:16:16,310 --> 00:16:19,354
A couple more glasses
for our friends here. Thank you, Mae.
347
00:16:19,438 --> 00:16:23,400
You are as delicious as ever.
From your West End to your Marble Arch.
348
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:24,985
Keep your Big Ben in your pants.
349
00:16:25,068 --> 00:16:27,029
[laughing]
350
00:16:27,112 --> 00:16:29,072
[Mae chuckles]
351
00:16:29,156 --> 00:16:30,240
Thank you for your invitation,
352
00:16:30,324 --> 00:16:32,117
but we're actually here
to meet with the Milk sisters.
353
00:16:32,201 --> 00:16:33,577
Oh, they won't be coming now.
354
00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:35,329
Oh, no. Did they expire?
355
00:16:35,412 --> 00:16:36,413
What?
356
00:16:36,914 --> 00:16:38,832
Um, so, yeah, I, um...
357
00:16:40,167 --> 00:16:44,588
I know I'm not allowed
an ownership stake in the club,
358
00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:48,509
but, um, they were nice enough to sell
their minority share to Bex here.
359
00:16:49,134 --> 00:16:51,720
I always, uh, thought I'd finish
paying off my student loans
360
00:16:51,803 --> 00:16:55,057
-before I purchased a football club.
-[Rupert laughs]
361
00:16:55,140 --> 00:16:58,894
Obviously, she needed a little,
um, financial aid from yours truly.
362
00:16:58,977 --> 00:17:02,356
But, um, well, when we're married,
what's hers will be mine
363
00:17:02,439 --> 00:17:07,027
and what's mine... well, that'll stay mine
'cause I've learned from you. [chuckles]
364
00:17:07,653 --> 00:17:08,779
You're engaged?
365
00:17:09,905 --> 00:17:11,156
[both squeal]
366
00:17:11,949 --> 00:17:13,032
[kisses]
367
00:17:13,116 --> 00:17:14,826
Hey. Congratulations.
368
00:17:14,910 --> 00:17:16,203
So you better join us for a drink.
369
00:17:16,286 --> 00:17:19,830
Everyone! Drinks with us. It's on me.
370
00:17:19,915 --> 00:17:21,708
[cheering]
371
00:17:21,791 --> 00:17:25,503
Three lagers, please, Mae.
They're free. We want the boots.
372
00:17:26,505 --> 00:17:27,464
To Richmond!
373
00:17:27,548 --> 00:17:30,342
[chanting]
Richmond! Richmond! Richmond! Richmond!
374
00:17:30,425 --> 00:17:32,386
Richmond! Richmond! Richmond!
375
00:17:33,387 --> 00:17:37,182
Right. The-- The product you'd most like
to get into business with is joy?
376
00:17:37,266 --> 00:17:39,101
Sí. Mucho, mucho joy.
377
00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:42,104
I don't know if I can get you paid
for that though, Dani.
378
00:17:42,187 --> 00:17:44,356
I like to give away joy for free.
379
00:17:44,690 --> 00:17:47,025
-Oh. All right, thanks, Dani.
-You're welcome.
380
00:17:48,277 --> 00:17:50,988
Hey. Football is life, Capitán.
381
00:17:51,446 --> 00:17:52,447
Yup.
382
00:17:52,531 --> 00:17:54,241
[Dani singing in Spanish]
383
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:56,285
[chuckles]
384
00:17:57,244 --> 00:17:59,329
I'm done being mad about Jamie.
385
00:17:59,413 --> 00:18:01,832
I'm a grown man. I'm not a baby child.
386
00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:04,668
I'm over it.
387
00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:07,379
Right. Would you mind saying that
to the rest of the room?
388
00:18:08,380 --> 00:18:10,007
I mean, the press deserves to know.
389
00:18:17,848 --> 00:18:18,891
Mr. Kent!
390
00:18:18,974 --> 00:18:21,727
-Yeah.
-Hi. Keeley Jones, The Independent Woman.
391
00:18:22,561 --> 00:18:24,354
Would you please repeat
what you just said?
392
00:18:25,189 --> 00:18:26,899
I'm over it.
393
00:18:26,982 --> 00:18:29,276
Can I take you out tonight? Please?
394
00:18:34,323 --> 00:18:35,908
Uh... yeah. You.
395
00:18:36,867 --> 00:18:39,328
Keeley Jones,
The Independent Woman Online Edition.
396
00:18:39,411 --> 00:18:41,955
So, why should I trust
this sudden change of heart?
397
00:18:43,332 --> 00:18:45,292
'Cause I like you more than I hate him.
398
00:18:47,628 --> 00:18:49,880
I mean, barely. It's very close.
399
00:18:51,965 --> 00:18:53,425
Yeah. Woman with the hair.
400
00:18:53,509 --> 00:18:55,469
Keeley Jones,
The Independent Woman Magazine.
401
00:18:55,552 --> 00:18:58,263
Where would you take me if I did say yes?
402
00:18:58,347 --> 00:19:01,517
-I don't know. Coffee?
-[scoffs] Can't do any better?
403
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:03,727
-Dinner.
-Yeah, that sounds great.
404
00:19:08,065 --> 00:19:11,151
Yeah, woman with the fucking eyes.
405
00:19:11,235 --> 00:19:14,029
Keeley Jones,
The Independent Woman insert on Sunday.
406
00:19:14,112 --> 00:19:15,948
Could you please elaborate
on the hip movement
407
00:19:16,031 --> 00:19:18,408
that makes your penis feel
like it has a curve in it?
408
00:19:18,492 --> 00:19:20,869
Right, no more questions.
We'll see you on the pitch.
409
00:19:23,205 --> 00:19:24,206
[chuckles]
410
00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:25,832
To Rupert!
411
00:19:25,916 --> 00:19:27,584
[cheering]
412
00:19:27,668 --> 00:19:30,629
Friends, Richmonds, countrymen.
413
00:19:30,712 --> 00:19:33,841
Our club's nightmare is over now.
I'm back.
414
00:19:33,924 --> 00:19:36,885
Thank God. 'Cause Ted Lasso sucks.
415
00:19:36,969 --> 00:19:38,929
-No offense, Ted.
-Oh, all good, Baz.
416
00:19:39,012 --> 00:19:40,973
You, Jeremy, and Paul
have been refreshingly candid
417
00:19:41,056 --> 00:19:42,307
about y'all's feelings.
418
00:19:42,391 --> 00:19:44,351
Pretty cool Premier League gaffer
knows our names.
419
00:19:44,434 --> 00:19:46,103
-I know, right?
-Shut up, you twats.
420
00:19:46,186 --> 00:19:48,438
I'm trying again. No help.
421
00:19:48,522 --> 00:19:50,357
Right. So, if she hits the board,
422
00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:52,484
I want it to sound like
we just won the FA Cup.
423
00:19:54,570 --> 00:19:56,697
[cheering]
424
00:19:58,907 --> 00:19:59,908
You wanna leave?
425
00:20:00,993 --> 00:20:02,452
I don't wanna give him the satisfaction.
426
00:20:03,287 --> 00:20:06,832
[Rupert] So, Rebecca,
it's time to be friends again.
427
00:20:06,915 --> 00:20:11,170
Especially since Bex and I
are gonna be sitting with you
428
00:20:11,253 --> 00:20:13,630
every week in that owner's box.
429
00:20:13,714 --> 00:20:14,882
I'm not going every week.
430
00:20:14,965 --> 00:20:16,425
[Rupert] Well, I am.
431
00:20:16,508 --> 00:20:21,346
And, um, every week,
when they shove a camera in my face
432
00:20:21,430 --> 00:20:25,309
and ask me how I think you're doing,
I will tell them.
433
00:20:26,143 --> 00:20:28,896
It'll be relentless.
434
00:20:30,439 --> 00:20:31,440
Mm.
435
00:20:32,107 --> 00:20:35,986
So, Rupert, y'all take your darts
over here pretty seriously, huh?
436
00:20:36,069 --> 00:20:38,906
This and, uh,
what's the billiard game y'all do
437
00:20:38,989 --> 00:20:40,866
that sounds like a brand of cookies?
438
00:20:41,491 --> 00:20:43,285
-Snooker?
-That's it. That's the one, yup.
439
00:20:43,368 --> 00:20:46,788
Boy, I'd love to curl up on a couch
under a weighted blanket,
440
00:20:46,872 --> 00:20:49,708
watch You've Got Mail
and devour a box of Snookers.
441
00:20:49,791 --> 00:20:51,752
[Ted chuckles]
442
00:20:51,835 --> 00:20:52,836
See what we got here.
443
00:20:53,837 --> 00:20:55,005
Hey! There it is.
444
00:20:55,631 --> 00:20:58,842
-Do you like darts, Ted?
-Oh, they're okay.
445
00:20:58,926 --> 00:21:02,179
I'm more of a, you know,
cornhole man myself. Yeah.
446
00:21:02,888 --> 00:21:04,181
-Oh.
-Huh.
447
00:21:04,264 --> 00:21:05,265
How about a game?
448
00:21:05,349 --> 00:21:09,561
We could, you know,
maybe wager, say, £10,000?
449
00:21:09,645 --> 00:21:11,230
[patrons] Oh!
450
00:21:11,313 --> 00:21:14,650
Well, as my doctor told me when
I got addicted to fettuccine Alfredo,
451
00:21:14,733 --> 00:21:16,527
that's a little rich for my blood.
[chuckles]
452
00:21:17,236 --> 00:21:19,196
Uh, how about this? If you win,
453
00:21:19,279 --> 00:21:21,823
I'll let you pick the starting lineup
of the last two games of the season.
454
00:21:22,366 --> 00:21:25,410
But if I win, you can't go
anywhere near the owner's box,
455
00:21:25,494 --> 00:21:27,037
at least not while Rebecca's
still in charge.
456
00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:28,914
-Ted.
-Mm?
457
00:21:29,289 --> 00:21:30,415
What the hell are you doing?
458
00:21:30,499 --> 00:21:32,167
I believe some folks call it
white knighting,
459
00:21:32,251 --> 00:21:33,460
but I'm just following my gut here.
460
00:21:33,544 --> 00:21:34,545
-It's okay.
-No. Ted.
461
00:21:35,587 --> 00:21:37,464
-What do you think?
-You're on.
462
00:21:37,548 --> 00:21:39,800
-Okay.
-Uh, double in, double out.
463
00:21:39,883 --> 00:21:41,718
Whatever you say, Rupe-a-dupes. Yeah.
464
00:21:41,802 --> 00:21:44,555
Just let me know
if I'm winning or losing, all right?
465
00:21:44,638 --> 00:21:46,557
-[chuckles]
-Oh, I forgot I had these on me.
466
00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:48,141
[patrons gasping]
467
00:21:48,225 --> 00:21:50,394
Mm. Yeah. Oh, wait a second.
468
00:21:51,395 --> 00:21:52,938
I forgot I'm left-handed.
469
00:21:54,273 --> 00:21:55,357
-[gasps, chuckles]
-[patrons] Oh!
470
00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:56,984
Oh, this is gonna be a hoot.
471
00:21:59,361 --> 00:22:01,363
-So where are we going for dinner?
-It's a surprise.
472
00:22:02,030 --> 00:22:03,031
Cool.
473
00:22:06,201 --> 00:22:07,536
I need to ask you something.
474
00:22:07,619 --> 00:22:11,290
So, the other day when you said
you were too busy to text me back...
475
00:22:11,373 --> 00:22:12,833
Yeah, 'cause I was busy.
476
00:22:12,916 --> 00:22:14,877
But you never told me
what you were too busy with.
477
00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:16,420
Yeah, 'cause it was private.
478
00:22:17,754 --> 00:22:19,506
Are you dating other people?
479
00:22:20,340 --> 00:22:23,260
It's okay if you are. It's just that
I wanna know so that I don't look stupid.
480
00:22:23,343 --> 00:22:25,053
It was yoga, okay?
481
00:22:25,137 --> 00:22:27,264
I do yoga with a group of women
in their 60s.
482
00:22:27,347 --> 00:22:28,640
They have no idea who I am,
483
00:22:28,724 --> 00:22:30,726
it's twice a week
and it's really good for my core.
484
00:22:30,809 --> 00:22:33,312
Normally only takes an hour,
but Maureen's been going through a divorce
485
00:22:33,395 --> 00:22:35,314
and she needed to talk about it
and blow off some steam.
486
00:22:35,397 --> 00:22:37,274
We all ended up at G-A-Y till 2:00 a.m.
487
00:22:37,357 --> 00:22:39,818
and then we had crepes in Balham
with some drag queens.
488
00:22:41,403 --> 00:22:44,114
Like I said, it's private.
489
00:22:44,198 --> 00:22:45,532
I'm gonna kiss you now.
490
00:22:45,616 --> 00:22:47,951
Unless it's gonna make you run away again.
491
00:22:48,035 --> 00:22:51,914
I know that you wanna take this slow
and I really do respect that, but it--
492
00:22:52,581 --> 00:22:56,376
Maybe I could just touch your arse
a little bit or you could touch mine--
493
00:23:02,341 --> 00:23:04,885
[shutter clicking]
494
00:23:05,677 --> 00:23:08,597
-Where's your manners?
-[grunts]
495
00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:10,599
You're supposed to ask
before you take something.
496
00:23:11,517 --> 00:23:13,685
For example, may I take this?
497
00:23:13,769 --> 00:23:15,521
-No.
-Well, I'm fucking taking it.
498
00:23:16,271 --> 00:23:18,565
Here. It's pictures of our first date.
499
00:23:19,358 --> 00:23:21,318
Come on. I'm cooking for you.
500
00:23:23,570 --> 00:23:25,155
[cheering]
501
00:23:25,239 --> 00:23:27,407
[Mae] One hundred and eighty!
502
00:23:27,491 --> 00:23:28,867
Well in, Rupert. Get in!
503
00:23:28,951 --> 00:23:31,453
Shut your stupid little twat mouth
or I will shut it for you.
504
00:23:32,829 --> 00:23:35,332
Shall I be giving you
the lineup card now, Ted?
505
00:23:35,415 --> 00:23:39,378
I shall be putting Obisanya
back on defense where he belongs.
506
00:23:39,461 --> 00:23:41,421
That's exactly what I said, didn't I?
507
00:23:41,505 --> 00:23:43,507
Now, now, it's not all Ted's fault.
508
00:23:43,590 --> 00:23:47,469
My ex-wife's the one who brought
the hillbilly to our shores.
509
00:23:47,553 --> 00:23:49,179
I know she's always been a bit randy,
510
00:23:49,263 --> 00:23:52,474
but I never thought
she would fuck over an entire team.
511
00:23:52,558 --> 00:23:54,309
-[patrons gasping]
-Hey!
512
00:23:55,644 --> 00:23:57,688
Better manners when I'm holding a dart.
513
00:23:57,771 --> 00:23:58,856
Please.
514
00:23:59,773 --> 00:24:00,774
Hmm.
515
00:24:03,277 --> 00:24:05,279
Mae. What do I need to win?
516
00:24:05,362 --> 00:24:07,447
Two triple 20s and a bull's-eye.
517
00:24:09,032 --> 00:24:10,617
[chuckles] Good luck.
518
00:24:11,076 --> 00:24:12,077
Mm.
519
00:24:13,787 --> 00:24:17,082
You know, Rupert, guys have
underestimated me my entire life.
520
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:20,752
And for years, I never understood why.
It used to really bother me.
521
00:24:20,836 --> 00:24:23,505
But then one day,
I was driving my little boy to school
522
00:24:23,589 --> 00:24:27,092
and I saw this quote by Walt Whitman
and it was painted on the wall there.
523
00:24:27,176 --> 00:24:30,220
It said, "Be curious, not judgmental."
524
00:24:31,180 --> 00:24:32,306
I like that.
525
00:24:33,140 --> 00:24:35,100
[patrons cheer]
526
00:24:36,268 --> 00:24:38,604
So I get back in my car
and I'm driving to work,
527
00:24:38,687 --> 00:24:40,731
and all of a sudden it hits me.
528
00:24:40,814 --> 00:24:45,652
All them fellas that used to belittle me,
not a single one of them were curious.
529
00:24:46,737 --> 00:24:48,614
They thought they had everything
all figured out.
530
00:24:48,697 --> 00:24:52,201
So they judged everything,
and they judged everyone.
531
00:24:53,368 --> 00:24:55,913
And I realized
that their underestimating me...
532
00:24:56,872 --> 00:24:59,750
[exhales]
who I was had nothing to do with it.
533
00:24:59,833 --> 00:25:00,834
[chuckles]
534
00:25:01,585 --> 00:25:04,588
'Cause if they were curious,
they would've asked questions.
535
00:25:05,172 --> 00:25:06,381
You know?
536
00:25:06,465 --> 00:25:09,885
Questions like,
"Have you played a lot of darts, Ted?"
537
00:25:10,928 --> 00:25:13,263
[patrons shouting]
538
00:25:14,306 --> 00:25:17,434
To which I would've answered, "Yes, sir.
539
00:25:18,227 --> 00:25:20,646
Every Sunday afternoon
at a sports bar with my father,
540
00:25:20,729 --> 00:25:23,649
from age ten till I was 16,
when he passed away."
541
00:25:29,488 --> 00:25:30,906
Barbecue sauce.
542
00:25:31,532 --> 00:25:34,034
[cheering]
543
00:25:37,788 --> 00:25:39,998
-Good game, Rupert.
-Come on, let's go.
544
00:25:41,041 --> 00:25:44,253
You are a very lovely consolation prize.
545
00:25:44,753 --> 00:25:47,589
Rebecca, Ted, enjoy your evening.
546
00:25:47,673 --> 00:25:48,966
Mae, as always.
547
00:25:49,591 --> 00:25:52,261
-Holy shit, that felt good.
-[taps bar top]
548
00:25:52,344 --> 00:25:54,137
-That was fun. Yeah.
-[chuckles]
549
00:25:54,221 --> 00:25:56,515
-Only one thing left to do now.
-What's that?
550
00:25:59,017 --> 00:26:00,185
Do I have to?
551
00:26:01,311 --> 00:26:02,312
[sighs]
552
00:26:03,230 --> 00:26:05,023
-Drinks are on me!
-[pounds bar top]
553
00:26:05,107 --> 00:26:07,150
-[cheering]
-[bell clanging]
554
00:26:08,819 --> 00:26:10,445
[shouting]
555
00:26:17,411 --> 00:26:19,037
[blows whistle]
556
00:26:19,121 --> 00:26:21,832
Fellas, I could watch you do this jaunty
North Korean military thing
557
00:26:21,915 --> 00:26:23,750
you do all day, but I need a favor.
558
00:26:23,834 --> 00:26:25,127
We'll die for you, Coach!
559
00:26:25,210 --> 00:26:27,462
That's a little dramatic, Sam,
but I see how you got there
560
00:26:27,546 --> 00:26:28,922
with me invoking the military and all.
561
00:26:29,006 --> 00:26:30,174
Now here's what we're gonna do.
562
00:26:30,257 --> 00:26:32,176
How many of you fellas
ever seen Sesame Street?
563
00:26:35,971 --> 00:26:36,972
[door opens]
564
00:26:37,055 --> 00:26:40,309
-Good morning, Higgins.
-Ah. Good morning. One sec.
565
00:26:40,392 --> 00:26:41,560
Yeah, that's good. Straighten up.
566
00:26:41,643 --> 00:26:43,187
-All right.
-[Higgins whistling]
567
00:26:43,270 --> 00:26:45,564
Oh! Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hold on one sec. Let me get in my spot.
568
00:26:45,647 --> 00:26:47,524
Okay. Here it comes, here it comes.
Let's go.
569
00:26:53,030 --> 00:26:54,031
Hi, Ted.
570
00:26:54,615 --> 00:26:55,657
Can't hear you!
571
00:26:57,492 --> 00:26:59,203
[shouting] Hi!
572
00:26:59,286 --> 00:27:01,038
-[Ted] Yeah! Yeah!
-[players cheering]
573
00:27:01,121 --> 00:27:02,706
We felt it, she felt it!
574
00:27:02,789 --> 00:27:05,292
That's what I'm talking about. Yeah! Yeah!
575
00:27:05,375 --> 00:27:08,170
-[chuckles]
-[Ted] Whoo! Got up too fast.
576
00:27:09,213 --> 00:27:12,132
Ted embarrassed the hell
out of Rupert yesterday.
577
00:27:12,216 --> 00:27:13,926
Oh. That's good.
578
00:27:14,927 --> 00:27:15,928
Uh, bit of bad news.
579
00:27:16,011 --> 00:27:21,016
Uh, we have ten thousand unsold seats
for the final match of the season.
580
00:27:21,099 --> 00:27:22,476
Release them to the visitors.
581
00:27:23,644 --> 00:27:26,855
But Rebecca, Man City will snap those up.
582
00:27:26,939 --> 00:27:30,108
Our home stadium
will be a sea of sky blue.
583
00:27:30,192 --> 00:27:32,361
[chuckles] That'll kill Rupert.
584
00:27:32,444 --> 00:27:36,281
[stammers] It'll hurt our chances.
We're on the brink of relegation.
585
00:27:36,365 --> 00:27:37,783
Just do it, Higgins.
586
00:27:39,743 --> 00:27:41,954
Oh, you know, fuck off!
587
00:27:42,037 --> 00:27:43,205
Excuse me?
588
00:27:43,288 --> 00:27:44,540
I'm sick of it.
589
00:27:45,791 --> 00:27:49,920
You won't take away your pain
by constantly punishing Rupert.
590
00:27:50,003 --> 00:27:52,214
Where were these morals
when you were having lunches with me
591
00:27:52,297 --> 00:27:53,841
so Rupert could have sex in our house?
592
00:27:55,217 --> 00:27:56,677
I thought we were friends.
593
00:27:57,636 --> 00:28:01,473
You had every opportunity to do
the right thing and you never did.
594
00:28:01,557 --> 00:28:02,933
Fucking pussy.
595
00:28:03,725 --> 00:28:07,938
You're right. I-- I deserve
to carry that around. Um, I do.
596
00:28:08,021 --> 00:28:13,443
I should've been braver,
and I'm-- I'm sorry for that. I am.
597
00:28:13,527 --> 00:28:17,239
But I'm saying this to you now. Stop it.
598
00:28:17,322 --> 00:28:18,615
Or what?
599
00:28:19,741 --> 00:28:20,742
I quit.
600
00:28:21,618 --> 00:28:23,662
Oh, I know how this goes.
601
00:28:24,204 --> 00:28:27,082
You'll come back, grovel for your job,
and I'll take you back,
602
00:28:27,165 --> 00:28:30,085
but I will make your life
just that little bit worse.
603
00:28:33,922 --> 00:28:34,965
[door closes]
604
00:28:35,799 --> 00:28:37,050
[sighs]
605
00:28:37,134 --> 00:28:38,427
[knocking]
606
00:28:40,179 --> 00:28:41,430
[exhales] Hi.
607
00:28:44,099 --> 00:28:45,893
You arranged
for the photographer to take this.
608
00:28:45,976 --> 00:28:48,520
Roy and I found it
on a paparazzi camera card.
609
00:28:48,604 --> 00:28:50,439
He said you hired him.
610
00:28:50,522 --> 00:28:53,192
Don't deny it
or pretend that you don't know.
611
00:28:55,027 --> 00:28:57,404
Either you come clean to Ted
or I'll do it for you.
612
00:28:59,448 --> 00:29:02,659
[rock music playing]
613
00:29:17,758 --> 00:29:19,760
[song continues]