1
00:00:18,977 --> 00:00:19,978
兄弟,你好啊

2
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,439
教練!這邊

3
00:00:27,152 --> 00:00:28,570
謝天謝地

4
00:00:28,654 --> 00:00:30,239
男人婆、丹尼

5
00:00:33,951 --> 00:00:35,869
他看起來像個美麗的天使

6
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:41,250
帥哥,早安啊

7
00:00:41,333 --> 00:00:42,668
你還好吧?

8
00:00:42,751 --> 00:00:45,128
我不想錯過巴士,所以就睡在這裡了

9
00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:46,630
抱歉,我要吐了,抱歉

10
00:00:47,339 --> 00:00:48,340
天哪

11
00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:58,684
等等,我在做什麼?這是我的房間

12
00:00:58,767 --> 00:01:00,352
你快滾

13
00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:03,480
(找到小內了,醉後不夜城)

14
00:01:04,772 --> 00:01:05,858
那個

15
00:01:06,775 --> 00:01:08,694
早啊

16
00:01:08,777 --> 00:01:10,529
我幫妳買了咖啡

17
00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:12,155
-謝謝
-對

18
00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:13,323
你起床很久了嗎?

19
00:01:14,324 --> 00:01:15,325
我起來一兩個小時了

20
00:01:15,826 --> 00:01:18,161
應該有三個小時了

21
00:01:19,246 --> 00:01:20,539
昨晚真開心

22
00:01:20,622 --> 00:01:23,876
是啊,五星最高評價

23
00:01:25,252 --> 00:01:27,337
-你要出門了嗎?
-對

24
00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:29,923
不過妳不用急著離開

25
00:01:30,007 --> 00:01:31,758
我幫妳申請了延後退房

26
00:01:32,843 --> 00:01:34,595
你真貼心

27
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:36,555
那你快去吧

28
00:01:36,638 --> 00:01:37,931
我再睡一下

29
00:01:38,015 --> 00:01:41,894
然後我要報你的帳,點一份超豐盛的早餐

30
00:01:41,977 --> 00:01:43,979
這招高明,對

31
00:01:44,062 --> 00:01:46,440
我隨時願意幫妳買單

32
00:01:46,815 --> 00:01:49,943
好,那晚點見了,應該有機會吧

33
00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:18,013
(泰德拉索:錯棚教練趣事多)

34
00:02:33,362 --> 00:02:34,363
教練

35
00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:36,740
-教練
-什麼事?

36
00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:38,825
-教練,你有心事?
-沒有啊,怎麼了?

37
00:02:38,909 --> 00:02:41,370
剛剛坐了五個小時的車
你一句話都沒說

38
00:02:41,453 --> 00:02:43,455
五小時算是破紀錄了

39
00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:50,170
好,有件事我只跟你說這一次

40
00:02:50,254 --> 00:02:52,297
以後就別談了,好嗎?

41
00:02:52,381 --> 00:02:53,966
-好
-我是說真的

42
00:02:54,049 --> 00:02:55,467
我不是在開玩笑

43
00:02:55,551 --> 00:02:57,970
別給我那種內行人的眼神

44
00:02:58,053 --> 00:02:59,346
-懂我的意思嗎?好
-好

45
00:03:01,932 --> 00:03:03,642
我昨晚...

46
00:03:04,935 --> 00:03:07,187
跟芮貝卡的朋友犀利姊上床了

47
00:03:09,273 --> 00:03:11,942
-想跟我談談嗎?
-我是很想,現在就談

48
00:03:14,903 --> 00:03:16,405
原來你在這裡

49
00:03:16,488 --> 00:03:18,156
我以為這間房帶有魔咒

50
00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:20,409
沒有,我們破除魔咒了

51
00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:22,786
你現在方便嗎?

52
00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:25,080
方便,進來吧
反正她戴耳機什麼都聽不到

53
00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:26,164
你確定?

54
00:03:27,249 --> 00:03:29,626
蓋爾,妳認為英國王室成員
是一群蜥蜴吧?

55
00:03:32,087 --> 00:03:34,256
23歲?超年輕的

56
00:03:34,339 --> 00:03:35,674
她在聽什麼?

57
00:03:35,757 --> 00:03:37,467
總是在聽犯罪節目

58
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:41,805
昨晚超瘋狂的

59
00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:44,975
對,超誇張的

60
00:03:46,143 --> 00:03:50,022
我可以喝一大桶咖啡來醒酒

61
00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:54,943
你結束後要跟我一起去喝杯咖啡嗎?

62
00:03:55,027 --> 00:03:57,696
今天不行,我很忙

63
00:03:57,779 --> 00:03:58,989
他騙妳的

64
00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:02,534
好吧,妳得先離開了

65
00:04:02,618 --> 00:04:05,579
因為她開始按我腿筋時
我會不停亂叫

66
00:04:05,662 --> 00:04:07,414
我不想讓別人聽到我的叫聲

67
00:04:07,497 --> 00:04:09,708
好吧,晚點見了

68
00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:11,376
好

69
00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:16,757
聽著,我以前從沒做過這種事

70
00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:20,260
我對搞一夜情的人沒什麼意見,好嗎?

71
00:04:20,344 --> 00:04:24,473
我是說性飢渴的人大可亂搞一夜情

72
00:04:24,556 --> 00:04:25,682
教練,你玩得開心嗎?

73
00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:28,393
拜託,教練,我不喜歡談自己的私生活

74
00:04:28,477 --> 00:04:31,021
教練,你玩得開心嗎?

75
00:04:34,191 --> 00:04:35,359
她玩得開心嗎?

76
00:04:37,945 --> 00:04:41,156
動來動去讓我想吐

77
00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:42,950
好,那問題到底是什麼?

78
00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:45,744
或許我只是對於自己
從在利物浦的一家卡啦OK裡心碎崩潰

79
00:04:45,827 --> 00:04:50,082
到跟一個剛認識的女人上床

80
00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:52,543
這樣的事實無法釋懷

81
00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:55,087
而且我還正在談離婚

82
00:04:55,170 --> 00:04:57,798
-我覺得挺有道理的
-我不得不說這太美妙了

83
00:04:58,632 --> 00:04:59,633
我小時候就一直夢想著

84
00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:01,844
能夠跟一群兄弟們坐著

85
00:05:01,927 --> 00:05:04,012
談論男女之間複雜的互動關係

86
00:05:06,557 --> 00:05:09,017
好,再問你們一個問題
我該告訴芮貝卡嗎?

87
00:05:09,101 --> 00:05:11,186
-不用
-拜託,為什麼不用?

88
00:05:11,270 --> 00:05:14,189
要是我發現她對我有所隱瞞的話
我會很難過的

89
00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:21,363
-怎麼回事?你們在開會嗎?
-對,我遇到了感情問題

90
00:05:21,446 --> 00:05:23,282
-我很想聽聽你的意見
-不要

91
00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:25,951
泰德,我可以說句實話嗎?

92
00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:27,244
當然可以,說吧

93
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:31,290
你好像總是對自己很嚴厲,為什麼?

94
00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:33,250
你到底做錯了什麼?

95
00:05:34,084 --> 00:05:35,085
他說得對

96
00:05:35,919 --> 00:05:37,254
該幫你弄一弄了

97
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:38,672
弄什麼?剪刀嗎?

98
00:05:38,755 --> 00:05:40,507
對,幫你剪去一些束縛

99
00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:43,760
哇

100
00:05:44,553 --> 00:05:47,014
你們這結尾做得真漂亮

101
00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:49,808
我應該幫你們訂做幾件緞面夾克

102
00:05:49,892 --> 00:05:53,478
後面繡上“泰德萊索個人難題解決小組”

103
00:05:53,562 --> 00:05:55,564
這名字太笨重了,肯定有比較好的名字

104
00:05:55,647 --> 00:05:59,151
讓我想想,有了,叫“EQ戰士”怎麼樣?

105
00:05:59,651 --> 00:06:01,278
“支援騎士團”?

106
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:04,239
不,聽起來像是下體護身用具

107
00:06:05,324 --> 00:06:07,868
那“榮耀男孩”呢?

108
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:11,830
叫“鑽石狗”怎麼樣?

109
00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:15,501
小內,真有你的,就叫鑽石狗吧

110
00:06:22,758 --> 00:06:24,259
(要是你提早弄好了就跟我說)

111
00:06:24,343 --> 00:06:25,761
羅伊,快點啊

112
00:06:25,844 --> 00:06:27,721
(我們可以一起去喝一杯之類的)

113
00:06:36,021 --> 00:06:37,898
你不是要去曼徹斯特嗎?

114
00:06:37,981 --> 00:06:39,983
我們要對戰西漢姆,所以我人在這裡

115
00:06:41,443 --> 00:06:43,654
好,進來吧,你還好嗎?

116
00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:44,863
我還好

117
00:06:45,447 --> 00:06:48,075
我做了十次觸球、兩次成功盤球

118
00:06:48,158 --> 00:06:49,993
他們在第89分鐘時,讓我踢一球自由球

119
00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:51,870
我成功得分,爽了一半

120
00:06:51,954 --> 00:06:55,123
所以你想過來我這邊爽另一半?

121
00:06:55,207 --> 00:06:57,793
不是,我只是想跟妳談談

122
00:06:59,294 --> 00:07:01,797
萊索捨棄我的時候,一切都來得太突然

123
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:05,676
拜託,萊索才沒有捨棄你
是曼城隊希望你回去

124
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:08,470
才不是,萊索本來可以阻止的
但他卻沒有

125
00:07:08,554 --> 00:07:11,181
讓我把話說完,好嗎?

126
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:14,852
我跟很多女生交往過

127
00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:19,731
但你在已經很棒的傑米身上
看到了更棒的傑米

128
00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:23,527
妳讓我變得更有氣質
帶我去看歌劇之類的鬼東西

129
00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:24,945
你根本就不喜歡那種東西

130
00:07:25,028 --> 00:07:26,113
對,因為那很令人困惑

131
00:07:26,196 --> 00:07:29,324
他們的豐富情感演出
讓你感受到各種情緒

132
00:07:29,408 --> 00:07:31,660
但當你想在演出過程中大喊

133
00:07:31,743 --> 00:07:33,370
跟他們說話時,他們又不爽

134
00:07:34,329 --> 00:07:35,539
超怪的

135
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:40,669
妳也教我不要太妨礙自己的發展

136
00:07:40,752 --> 00:07:44,256
所以我要謝謝妳

137
00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:47,509
不客氣,傑米

138
00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:54,349
你知道這是你第一次來我家

139
00:07:54,433 --> 00:07:56,435
而且沒有傳給我帶有性暗示的變態貼圖

140
00:07:56,518 --> 00:08:01,064
-像是茄子或噴水之類的
-或是小松鼠

141
00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:03,192
小松鼠,我還是搞不懂那個

142
00:08:03,275 --> 00:08:05,235
他抱著小松果,不是嗎?

143
00:08:05,319 --> 00:08:06,528
-對
-對

144
00:08:06,612 --> 00:08:07,779
對,沒錯

145
00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:11,241
對

146
00:08:11,325 --> 00:08:12,868
你想跟我喝一杯嗎?

147
00:08:13,911 --> 00:08:14,912
不用了

148
00:08:18,207 --> 00:08:20,959
除非妳說“喝一杯”是指...

149
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,714
這就是成功約炮的祕訣?

150
00:08:26,465 --> 00:08:28,300
表現出性趣缺缺的樣子?

151
00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:33,679
有時候那招真的有用

152
00:08:34,389 --> 00:08:35,557
我以前都不知道

153
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:41,730
老闆,早啊

154
00:08:42,397 --> 00:08:45,734
妳今天不只有脆餅吃

155
00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:48,570
我還幫妳帶了一小盒松露巧克力

156
00:08:48,654 --> 00:08:51,156
你太可惡了,居然這麼對我

157
00:08:51,990 --> 00:08:53,534
妳應該把一個松露巧克力

158
00:08:53,617 --> 00:08:56,245
弄碎夾在兩片餅乾之間
像早餐三明治一樣

159
00:08:56,328 --> 00:08:57,704
對,像那樣

160
00:08:58,288 --> 00:08:59,289
對

161
00:09:00,082 --> 00:09:04,670
我還要再次謝謝妳到利物浦幫我加油

162
00:09:05,796 --> 00:09:07,923
-泰德,那沒什麼
-不,我真的很感激

163
00:09:08,006 --> 00:09:10,843
小姐,我會感恩妳一輩子的,永遠有我在

164
00:09:10,926 --> 00:09:14,221
把我當成妳專屬的聖伯納犬象徵

165
00:09:14,304 --> 00:09:16,890
妳就不用面臨象徵性的雪崩

166
00:09:16,974 --> 00:09:20,227
透過我脖子上掛的波本酒來自救

167
00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:21,937
只是個比喻,好嗎?

168
00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:23,021
好吧

169
00:09:23,105 --> 00:09:24,314
泰德

170
00:09:24,940 --> 00:09:26,775
要是你真想幫我的話

171
00:09:26,859 --> 00:09:30,112
我晚點要跟兩個俱樂部的小股東開會

172
00:09:30,195 --> 00:09:31,196
牛奶姊妹花

173
00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:33,407
她們有最糟的人格特質

174
00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:36,994
乏味至極,而且總是滔滔不絕

175
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,078
拜託你跟我一起去吧

176
00:09:38,161 --> 00:09:39,329
沒問題

177
00:09:40,122 --> 00:09:43,041
太好了,我可以介紹你們認識

178
00:09:43,125 --> 00:09:45,836
讓你跟她們客套寒暄
我自己就可以溜出去做其他事了

179
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:47,045
她們擁有多少俱樂部股份?

180
00:09:47,129 --> 00:09:48,297
百分之2.9

181
00:09:48,380 --> 00:09:52,301
我就說大概是百分之二吧
就可以叫她們百分之二低脂牛奶

182
00:09:52,384 --> 00:09:53,969
天哪,她們會愛死你的

183
00:09:54,052 --> 00:09:56,805
會很有趣的,好,妳去忙吧,我先走了

184
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:01,518
根據我的個人經驗,代言的最佳模式是

185
00:10:01,602 --> 00:10:03,020
你自己本身要對產品有信心

186
00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:05,731
所以你們得告訴我你們對什麼有興趣

187
00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:07,524
我才能幫你們找到合適的代言機會

188
00:10:07,608 --> 00:10:08,817
我喜歡飛人喬登

189
00:10:09,610 --> 00:10:11,069
我可以跟飛人喬登球鞋打炮

190
00:10:11,737 --> 00:10:13,447
好,所以是運動服飾嗎?

191
00:10:13,530 --> 00:10:15,532
我對跟議題相關的產品有興趣

192
00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:17,409
像是環保或是減少污染

193
00:10:17,492 --> 00:10:18,535
那類的議題

194
00:10:18,619 --> 00:10:20,412
我也喜歡飛人喬登

195
00:10:20,495 --> 00:10:22,206
但我不想跟球鞋炒飯

196
00:10:22,289 --> 00:10:23,749
以薩克,那你呢?

197
00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:25,501
羅羅巧克力

198
00:10:26,210 --> 00:10:29,546
所以是甜食跟巧克力嗎?

199
00:10:29,630 --> 00:10:32,299
不是,我只喜歡羅羅巧克力

200
00:10:32,883 --> 00:10:34,885
別找酸甜軟糖那種鬼東西,懂嗎?

201
00:10:35,469 --> 00:10:36,512
好

202
00:10:36,595 --> 00:10:39,139
這是很棒的開始,謝謝你們

203
00:10:41,350 --> 00:10:42,351
隊長好

204
00:10:45,229 --> 00:10:46,230
這些是什麼?

205
00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:48,148
在芮貝卡幫我找到合適地點之前

206
00:10:48,232 --> 00:10:50,943
她把這裡給我當辦公室
所以我才會有這些東西

207
00:10:51,026 --> 00:10:53,695
要是他們需要用這房間的話
我可以把東西丟到箱子裡

208
00:10:53,779 --> 00:10:55,822
很有效率,妳晚點想去看電影嗎?

209
00:10:56,448 --> 00:10:58,492
-你到底有什麼毛病?
-什麼?

210
00:10:58,575 --> 00:11:00,702
我昨天問你要不要跟我去喝咖啡

211
00:11:00,786 --> 00:11:02,538
-你說你很忙
-我是很忙

212
00:11:02,621 --> 00:11:05,040
-你昨晚也沒回我簡訊
-對,因為我在忙

213
00:11:05,123 --> 00:11:07,042
那親吻呢?
你離開的樣子像是我吻技很爛一樣

214
00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:09,002
那個吻一點都不爛,我火力全開了

215
00:11:09,086 --> 00:11:11,880
-我同意
-羅伊,那你到底有什麼毛病?

216
00:11:11,964 --> 00:11:14,299
聽著,我是個專業足球員

217
00:11:14,383 --> 00:11:16,510
我搞過幾百萬次的一夜情

218
00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:17,594
-我也是
-很好

219
00:11:17,678 --> 00:11:19,513
-我不知道我們為什麼要吹噓這種事
-我也不知道

220
00:11:19,596 --> 00:11:22,599
但那種體驗總是很空虛,第一部分不會

221
00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:24,643
-對,剛開始時很棒
-超棒的

222
00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:27,020
-但是結束了之後,我就覺得...
-超爛的

223
00:11:27,104 --> 00:11:30,148
沒錯,而且每次結束後我的錶都會被偷

224
00:11:30,232 --> 00:11:32,609
或是媒體報導我的老二是彎的

225
00:11:32,693 --> 00:11:33,986
那是真的嗎?

226
00:11:34,069 --> 00:11:35,904
不是,我只是用屁股讓老二感覺像是彎的

227
00:11:35,988 --> 00:11:38,782
總之重點是我這次想用不同的方式

228
00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:42,452
對不起,我應該早點告訴妳的

229
00:11:42,536 --> 00:11:48,584
我想讓自己更誠實

230
00:11:49,293 --> 00:11:50,294
謝謝你

231
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:52,087
那好吧

232
00:11:54,923 --> 00:11:56,884
我應該告訴你我跟傑米上過床

233
00:11:56,967 --> 00:11:58,051
對,我知道

234
00:11:58,135 --> 00:11:59,511
我是說昨晚

235
00:12:01,263 --> 00:12:02,890
我以為你對我沒興趣

236
00:12:02,973 --> 00:12:05,392
我不知道你要的是什麼
但我知道他要的是什麼

237
00:12:05,475 --> 00:12:08,145
所以妳為了連我自己都不知道的行為
跟他上床來報復我

238
00:12:11,565 --> 00:12:12,649
不是

239
00:12:12,733 --> 00:12:13,734
對

240
00:12:14,318 --> 00:12:16,236
對,就是那樣沒錯

241
00:12:18,572 --> 00:12:20,991
羅伊,我搞砸了,我真的很抱歉

242
00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:24,077
但你得先對這件事釋懷

243
00:12:26,455 --> 00:12:28,916
還是等你知道怎麼開口了
再直接過來找我

244
00:12:28,999 --> 00:12:30,542
告訴我你的感受?

245
00:12:38,842 --> 00:12:40,594
(成功金字塔)

246
00:12:45,349 --> 00:12:46,350
羅伊

247
00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:53,106
你有心事?

248
00:12:54,608 --> 00:12:57,277
我只能透過咕噥聲判斷嗎?

249
00:12:57,361 --> 00:12:59,947
沒關係,我來試試看吧

250
00:13:00,030 --> 00:13:02,950
你在想買第一間房的事

251
00:13:03,867 --> 00:13:05,202
不是,好吧

252
00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:08,497
你發現你爸有點種族歧視

253
00:13:08,580 --> 00:13:11,124
拜託,他都六十幾歲了
而且老家在南倫敦

254
00:13:11,208 --> 00:13:12,543
我爸當然會有點種族歧視

255
00:13:12,626 --> 00:13:15,379
聽著,我可能會跟綺莉交往

256
00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:18,882
但我每次一想到她

257
00:13:18,966 --> 00:13:21,260
就滿腦子都是那死傑米塔特

258
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:27,599
我覺得那聽起來像是
某人深陷人生最複雜的難題

259
00:13:27,683 --> 00:13:28,684
三角戀情

260
00:13:28,767 --> 00:13:31,937
當然第二名是撞見我岳母

261
00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:34,106
正在換泳衣十二面難題

262
00:13:34,189 --> 00:13:36,900
我看起來像有心情討論形狀笑話嗎?

263
00:13:36,984 --> 00:13:38,318
不,羅伊,你不像

264
00:13:38,986 --> 00:13:40,946
但我要為自己說句話,你很少有心情

265
00:13:41,029 --> 00:13:43,073
但我有個絕佳對策

266
00:13:44,032 --> 00:13:45,576
你在做什麼?

267
00:13:45,659 --> 00:13:47,661
別煩惱,我的絨毛朋友

268
00:13:47,744 --> 00:13:51,707
不用幾分鐘
你的感情難題就會迎刃而解

269
00:13:51,790 --> 00:13:54,168
讓我召集鑽石狗成員們

270
00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:56,295
鑽石狗是什麼鬼?

271
00:13:56,378 --> 00:13:58,672
是一群關心他人的人,羅伊

272
00:13:58,755 --> 00:14:01,884
不像嘻哈演唱會中,什麼都不在乎的歌迷

273
00:14:01,967 --> 00:14:04,136
好,所以這是你跟綺莉間的問題,對吧?

274
00:14:04,678 --> 00:14:07,806
-我早就料到了
-戀情早期最精采了

275
00:14:07,890 --> 00:14:09,600
好了,這是我最擔心的噩夢

276
00:14:09,683 --> 00:14:12,519
我覺得你跟綺莉是天生一對

277
00:14:12,603 --> 00:14:15,898
而且我們應該都同意
兩個好料加起來美味也會加倍,對吧?

278
00:14:15,981 --> 00:14:17,191
-對
-比喻得真好

279
00:14:17,274 --> 00:14:20,027
對,我是對她有意思
但我們都知道她的前男友是誰

280
00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:22,154
超級混蛋之王

281
00:14:22,237 --> 00:14:24,364
那在我腦海裡揮之不去

282
00:14:24,448 --> 00:14:25,824
我不知道問題出在哪裡

283
00:14:25,908 --> 00:14:27,576
綺莉太善良了

284
00:14:27,659 --> 00:14:31,330
能成為她那種人肯定很美好

285
00:14:31,413 --> 00:14:33,290
那要像蓋希文兄弟的歌致敬

286
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:34,708
蓋希文兄弟超屌

287
00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:36,418
但你們還是搞不懂

288
00:14:36,502 --> 00:14:37,461
謝謝

289
00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:41,423
是啊,這位羅伊以前跟很多人上過床

290
00:14:41,507 --> 00:14:45,552
但綺莉在羅伊之前
有她自己的感情史跟兩性關係

291
00:14:45,636 --> 00:14:46,970
這是不對的!

292
00:14:47,888 --> 00:14:49,223
他在說反話

293
00:14:49,306 --> 00:14:51,183
我最喜歡教練用諷刺法了

294
00:14:51,767 --> 00:14:53,227
我控制不了自己的感覺

295
00:14:53,310 --> 00:14:56,188
那你就得讓感覺控制你

296
00:14:57,231 --> 00:14:58,315
他又來了

297
00:14:58,899 --> 00:15:00,067
好眼力

298
00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:02,986
聽著,羅伊,撇開我這種反諷風格
幫我個忙吧

299
00:15:03,070 --> 00:15:05,364
別讓她的過去破壞了你們的未來,好嗎?

300
00:15:05,447 --> 00:15:07,574
她昨晚才跟他上過床

301
00:15:10,244 --> 00:15:13,038
-那你們兩人正式交往了嗎?
-還沒

302
00:15:13,121 --> 00:15:15,082
-你們上過床嗎?
-還沒

303
00:15:15,165 --> 00:15:16,792
教練,你想跟這小子談談嗎?

304
00:15:18,168 --> 00:15:20,629
成熟點,釋懷吧

305
00:15:23,507 --> 00:15:25,467
鑽石狗又出擊了

306
00:15:29,721 --> 00:15:30,722
你們這群混蛋

307
00:15:33,016 --> 00:15:34,560
(富勒史密斯湯納啤酒廠)

308
00:15:35,394 --> 00:15:37,855
好,有看到牛奶姊妹花嗎?

309
00:15:37,938 --> 00:15:39,565
要我到後面篩選看看嗎?

310
00:15:40,232 --> 00:15:42,234
-泰德,別讓我後悔帶你來
-放心吧

311
00:15:42,317 --> 00:15:43,986
我會當個大紳士的

312
00:15:44,069 --> 00:15:47,865
不知道她們有沒有看過《BJ單身日記》

313
00:15:48,532 --> 00:15:50,450
抱歉,這個關於母奶的笑話很冷

314
00:15:50,534 --> 00:15:53,036
天哪,這是個超爛的點子
說真的,你還是回家好了

315
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:55,414
-拜託,會很有趣的
-別說了

316
00:15:57,416 --> 00:15:58,750
原來她在這裡

317
00:16:02,421 --> 00:16:03,547
魯柏,你在這裡幹嘛?

318
00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:05,382
我們是來慶祝的

319
00:16:05,966 --> 00:16:07,676
芮貝卡...

320
00:16:07,759 --> 00:16:09,094
很高興我們又見面了

321
00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:11,847
-這是泰德
-你好

322
00:16:11,930 --> 00:16:13,765
跟我們一起喝一杯吧

323
00:16:13,849 --> 00:16:16,226
魯柏,請慢用,還需要什麼嗎?

324
00:16:16,310 --> 00:16:19,354
請我們這兩位朋友喝幾杯吧,謝啦,阿美

325
00:16:19,438 --> 00:16:23,400
妳真是從頭到腳都色香味俱全

326
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:24,985
別把你的大笨鐘掏出褲子了

327
00:16:29,156 --> 00:16:30,240
謝謝你的邀請

328
00:16:30,324 --> 00:16:32,117
但我們其實是來跟牛奶姊妹花見面的

329
00:16:32,201 --> 00:16:33,577
她們不會來了

330
00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:35,329
是過期了嗎?

331
00:16:35,412 --> 00:16:36,413
什麼?

332
00:16:37,331 --> 00:16:38,832
對,我...

333
00:16:40,167 --> 00:16:44,588
我知道我不准持有俱樂部股權

334
00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:48,509
但她們好心願意將手上的小股權
賣給這位貝克絲

335
00:16:49,134 --> 00:16:51,720
我一直以為自己會先還完大學學貸

336
00:16:51,803 --> 00:16:54,097
再買個足球俱樂部

337
00:16:55,140 --> 00:16:58,894
當然她需要一點親密愛人的資助

338
00:16:58,977 --> 00:17:02,356
但我們結婚後,她的就是我的

339
00:17:02,439 --> 00:17:07,027
我的...也還是我的,這是我跟妳學的

340
00:17:07,653 --> 00:17:08,779
你們訂婚了?

341
00:17:13,116 --> 00:17:14,826
恭喜

342
00:17:14,910 --> 00:17:16,203
所以你們最好跟我們一起喝一杯

343
00:17:16,286 --> 00:17:19,830
各位!跟我們喝一杯吧,我請客

344
00:17:21,791 --> 00:17:25,503
阿美,來三杯大的
既然不用錢,就來大球靴吧

345
00:17:26,505 --> 00:17:27,464
瑞奇蒙萬歲!

346
00:17:30,425 --> 00:17:32,386
瑞奇蒙!瑞奇蒙!

347
00:17:33,387 --> 00:17:37,182
你最感興趣的產品是喜樂?

348
00:17:37,266 --> 00:17:39,101
對,很多很多的喜樂

349
00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:42,104
丹尼,我不知道有沒有辦法
幫你找到那種代言賺錢

350
00:17:42,187 --> 00:17:44,356
我想免費散播喜樂

351
00:17:45,148 --> 00:17:47,025
-好吧,謝啦,丹尼
-不客氣

352
00:17:48,277 --> 00:17:50,988
足球是我的生命,隊長

353
00:17:51,446 --> 00:17:52,447
對

354
00:17:57,244 --> 00:17:59,329
我已經不生傑米的氣了

355
00:17:59,413 --> 00:18:01,832
我是大人,不是小孩子了

356
00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:04,668
我釋懷了

357
00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:07,379
好,你介意跟所有人分享嗎?

358
00:18:08,380 --> 00:18:10,007
我是說媒體有權知道

359
00:18:17,848 --> 00:18:18,891
坎特先生

360
00:18:18,974 --> 00:18:21,727
-請說
-我是綺莉瓊斯,獨立女性報

361
00:18:22,561 --> 00:18:24,354
可以請你重複一次剛剛所說的嗎?

362
00:18:25,189 --> 00:18:26,899
我釋懷了

363
00:18:26,982 --> 00:18:29,276
我今晚可以約妳出去嗎?拜託

364
00:18:34,907 --> 00:18:35,908
請說

365
00:18:36,867 --> 00:18:39,328
綺莉瓊斯,獨立女性報網路版

366
00:18:39,411 --> 00:18:41,955
我為什麼要相信你突然改變的心意?

367
00:18:43,332 --> 00:18:45,292
因為我喜歡妳更勝於討厭他

368
00:18:47,628 --> 00:18:49,880
我是說只勝過一點點,難分勝負

369
00:18:51,965 --> 00:18:53,425
對,長頭髮的女士請說

370
00:18:53,509 --> 00:18:55,469
綺莉瓊斯,獨立女性雜誌

371
00:18:55,552 --> 00:18:58,263
要是我答應的話,你要帶我去哪裡?

372
00:18:58,347 --> 00:19:01,517
-我不知道,喝杯咖啡?
-沒有更好的選擇了嗎?

373
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:03,727
-晚餐
-好,感覺很棒

374
00:19:08,065 --> 00:19:11,151
好,大眼睛的女士請說

375
00:19:11,235 --> 00:19:14,029
我是綺莉瓊斯,獨立女性報週日專欄

376
00:19:14,112 --> 00:19:15,948
可以請你詳細說明能讓你老二

377
00:19:16,031 --> 00:19:18,408
感覺有彎度的臀部動作嗎?

378
00:19:18,492 --> 00:19:20,869
好了,提問時間到此結束
我們球場上見

379
00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:25,832
敬魯柏!

380
00:19:27,668 --> 00:19:30,629
朋友們,瑞奇蒙同鄉們

381
00:19:30,712 --> 00:19:33,841
我們俱樂部的噩夢結束了,我回來了

382
00:19:33,924 --> 00:19:36,885
謝天謝地,因為泰德萊索超爛的

383
00:19:36,969 --> 00:19:38,929
-泰德,別放在心上
-巴茲,沒關係

384
00:19:39,012 --> 00:19:40,973
你跟傑瑞米還有保羅對於自己的感覺

385
00:19:41,056 --> 00:19:42,307
都坦率表達得一覽無遺

386
00:19:42,391 --> 00:19:44,351
英超教頭居然知道我們的名字,真屌

387
00:19:44,434 --> 00:19:46,103
-可不是嗎?
-閉嘴,你們兩個白癡

388
00:19:46,186 --> 00:19:48,438
我再試一次,不准幫我

389
00:19:48,522 --> 00:19:50,357
對,要是她打到了鏢板

390
00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:52,484
你們得像我們贏了英格蘭足總盃那樣歡呼

391
00:19:58,907 --> 00:19:59,908
妳想走嗎?

392
00:20:00,993 --> 00:20:02,452
我不想如他的意

393
00:20:03,287 --> 00:20:06,832
芮貝卡,我們可以重新當朋友

394
00:20:06,915 --> 00:20:11,170
特別是每個禮拜我跟貝克絲都會跟妳一起

395
00:20:11,253 --> 00:20:13,630
坐在股東包廂裡

396
00:20:13,714 --> 00:20:14,882
我才不要每個禮拜都去

397
00:20:14,965 --> 00:20:16,425
但我會

398
00:20:16,508 --> 00:20:21,346
每個禮拜他們把相機對準我

399
00:20:21,430 --> 00:20:25,309
問我覺得妳的表現如何時,我會告訴他們

400
00:20:26,143 --> 00:20:28,896
殘酷無情的意見

401
00:20:32,107 --> 00:20:35,986
魯柏,你們這裡的人
把飛鏢遊戲看得很認真,對吧?

402
00:20:36,069 --> 00:20:38,906
這個跟你們那個聽起來

403
00:20:38,989 --> 00:20:40,866
很像餅乾品牌的撞球遊戲

404
00:20:41,491 --> 00:20:43,285
-斯諾克撞球?
-對,就是那個

405
00:20:43,368 --> 00:20:46,788
老天,我真想窩在厚重的毛毯下

406
00:20:46,872 --> 00:20:49,708
一邊看《電子情書》
一邊嗑一整盒的斯諾克

407
00:20:51,835 --> 00:20:52,836
讓我試試看

408
00:20:53,837 --> 00:20:55,005
成功了

409
00:20:55,631 --> 00:20:58,842
-泰德,你喜歡射飛鏢嗎?
-還好

410
00:20:58,926 --> 00:21:02,179
我個人比較喜歡沙包遊戲,對

411
00:21:04,264 --> 00:21:05,265
我們來比一局吧

412
00:21:05,349 --> 00:21:09,561
我們可以押注一萬英鎊

413
00:21:11,313 --> 00:21:14,650
當我對白醬義大利麵上癮時
我的醫生跟我說

414
00:21:14,733 --> 00:21:16,527
我的血壓無福消受

415
00:21:17,236 --> 00:21:19,196
這樣吧,要是你贏了

416
00:21:19,279 --> 00:21:21,823
我就讓你挑
本季最後兩場比賽的正選球員

417
00:21:22,366 --> 00:21:25,410
但要是我贏了,你就不能靠近股東包廂

418
00:21:25,494 --> 00:21:27,037
至少在芮貝卡當家的時代不行

419
00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:28,330
泰德

420
00:21:29,289 --> 00:21:30,415
你到底在搞什麼?

421
00:21:30,499 --> 00:21:32,167
有些人把這稱為白衣騎士之舉

422
00:21:32,251 --> 00:21:33,460
但我只是順從自己的直覺

423
00:21:33,544 --> 00:21:34,545
-沒關係
-別這樣,泰德

424
00:21:35,587 --> 00:21:37,464
-你意下如何?
-沒問題

425
00:21:37,548 --> 00:21:39,800
-好
-雙分始尾賽

426
00:21:39,883 --> 00:21:41,718
小魯,規則隨你訂

427
00:21:41,802 --> 00:21:44,555
讓我知道輸贏就好

428
00:21:44,638 --> 00:21:46,557
我都忘了自己有帶這個

429
00:21:48,851 --> 00:21:50,394
好,等一下

430
00:21:51,395 --> 00:21:52,938
我都忘了自己是左撇子

431
00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:56,984
這會很精采的

432
00:21:59,361 --> 00:22:01,363
-我們要去哪裡吃晚餐?
-是個驚喜

433
00:22:02,030 --> 00:22:03,031
真酷

434
00:22:06,201 --> 00:22:07,536
我有話想問你

435
00:22:07,619 --> 00:22:11,290
你那天說你在忙才沒有回我簡訊

436
00:22:11,373 --> 00:22:12,833
對,因為我是在忙

437
00:22:12,916 --> 00:22:14,877
但你沒跟我說到底在忙什麼

438
00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:16,420
對,因為那是私事

439
00:22:17,754 --> 00:22:19,506
你還有其他交往對象嗎?

440
00:22:20,340 --> 00:22:23,260
有的話也沒關係,我只是想知道
才不會讓自己看起來很蠢

441
00:22:23,343 --> 00:22:25,053
是瑜珈,好嗎?

442
00:22:25,137 --> 00:22:27,264
我跟一群六十幾歲的女人們
一起做瑜珈

443
00:22:27,347 --> 00:22:28,640
她們完全不知道我是誰

444
00:22:28,724 --> 00:22:30,726
一週兩次,對我的核心肌群很有幫助

445
00:22:30,809 --> 00:22:33,312
通常只花一小時,不過莫琳正在辦離婚

446
00:22:33,395 --> 00:22:35,314
所以她需要找人訴苦

447
00:22:35,397 --> 00:22:37,274
結果我們在同志酒吧裡待到了凌晨兩點

448
00:22:37,357 --> 00:22:39,818
後來還跟一群變裝皇后
到巴爾漢姆吃可麗餅

449
00:22:41,403 --> 00:22:44,114
我就說是私事了

450
00:22:44,198 --> 00:22:45,532
我現在要親你了

451
00:22:45,616 --> 00:22:47,951
除非這會讓你再次跑掉

452
00:22:48,035 --> 00:22:51,914
我知道你想慢慢來
我也真的很欣賞你的態度,不過...

453
00:22:52,581 --> 00:22:56,376
或許我可以摸一下你屁股
或是你摸一下我的

454
00:23:05,677 --> 00:23:07,721
你懂不懂禮貌啊?

455
00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:10,599
你在拿東西之前應該先問的

456
00:23:11,517 --> 00:23:13,685
舉例來說,我可以拿這個嗎?

457
00:23:13,769 --> 00:23:15,521
-不行
-反正我是拿定了

458
00:23:16,271 --> 00:23:18,565
這是我們初次約會的照片

459
00:23:19,358 --> 00:23:21,318
走吧,我下廚給妳吃

460
00:23:25,239 --> 00:23:27,407
180!

461
00:23:27,491 --> 00:23:28,867
魯柏,恭喜!加油!

462
00:23:28,951 --> 00:23:31,453
你再不閉上你那臭狗嘴的話
我就讓你閉嘴

463
00:23:32,829 --> 00:23:35,332
泰德,要我現在就給你正選球員名單嗎?

464
00:23:35,415 --> 00:23:39,378
我肯定會把歐布桑野放回
他該在的後衛位置

465
00:23:39,461 --> 00:23:41,421
我就是那麼說的,對吧?

466
00:23:41,505 --> 00:23:43,507
冷靜點,那不完全是泰德的錯

467
00:23:43,590 --> 00:23:47,469
是我前妻把這鄉巴佬帶到我們國家

468
00:23:47,553 --> 00:23:49,179
我知道她一直有點重口味

469
00:23:49,263 --> 00:23:52,474
但我從沒想過她會搞翻整支球隊

470
00:23:53,225 --> 00:23:54,309
那個

471
00:23:55,644 --> 00:23:57,688
輪到我上場了,請禮貌一點

472
00:23:57,771 --> 00:23:58,856
拜託

473
00:24:00,858 --> 00:24:02,693
(魯柏對北七)

474
00:24:03,277 --> 00:24:05,279
阿美,我要怎樣才能贏?

475
00:24:05,362 --> 00:24:07,447
兩個三倍20分還要一個正中靶心

476
00:24:09,616 --> 00:24:10,617
加油了

477
00:24:13,787 --> 00:24:17,082
魯柏,我一輩子都被旁人低估了

478
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:20,752
我多年來一直很不解
以前也常感到困擾

479
00:24:20,836 --> 00:24:23,505
但有一天我載我兒子要去上學時

480
00:24:23,589 --> 00:24:27,092
看到牆上漆了一句詩人惠特曼的名言

481
00:24:27,176 --> 00:24:30,220
“對他人感到好奇,而不是評估判斷”

482
00:24:31,180 --> 00:24:32,306
我喜歡那句話

483
00:24:36,268 --> 00:24:38,604
當我回到車上開車去上班時

484
00:24:38,687 --> 00:24:40,731
突然有所領悟

485
00:24:40,814 --> 00:24:45,652
那些看不起我的人,都是因為缺少好奇心

486
00:24:46,737 --> 00:24:48,614
他們以為自己看透了一切

487
00:24:48,697 --> 00:24:52,201
所以喜歡評判每件事跟每個人

488
00:24:53,368 --> 00:24:55,913
我意識到他們會低估我

489
00:24:57,873 --> 00:24:59,750
跟我人格本身沒有關係

490
00:25:01,585 --> 00:25:04,588
因為要是他們有好奇心的話
就會問我問題

491
00:25:05,172 --> 00:25:06,381
你知道嗎?

492
00:25:06,465 --> 00:25:09,885
像是:“泰德,你常射飛鏢嗎?”

493
00:25:14,306 --> 00:25:17,434
我的回答會是:“是的,先生

494
00:25:18,227 --> 00:25:20,646
我從十歲到十六歲我父親過世為止

495
00:25:20,729 --> 00:25:23,649
每週日下午都會跟他到運動酒吧”

496
00:25:29,488 --> 00:25:30,906
烤肉醬

497
00:25:37,788 --> 00:25:39,998
-魯柏,你是可敬的對手
-我們走吧

498
00:25:41,041 --> 00:25:44,253
妳是個很棒的安慰獎

499
00:25:44,753 --> 00:25:47,589
芮貝卡、泰德,好好享受吧

500
00:25:47,673 --> 00:25:48,966
阿美,再見

501
00:25:49,591 --> 00:25:52,261
挖靠!太爽了

502
00:25:52,344 --> 00:25:54,137
是挺好玩的,對

503
00:25:54,221 --> 00:25:56,515
-現在只剩下一件事還沒做
-什麼事?

504
00:25:59,017 --> 00:26:00,185
我非做不可嗎?

505
00:26:03,230 --> 00:26:05,023
我請大家喝酒!

506
00:26:14,366 --> 00:26:17,327
(瑞奇蒙足球俱樂部)

507
00:26:19,121 --> 00:26:21,832
各位,我可以一整天都看你們
表演這套北韓軍演的東西

508
00:26:21,915 --> 00:26:23,750
但我需要你們的幫忙

509
00:26:23,834 --> 00:26:25,127
教練,我們願意為你出生入死

510
00:26:25,210 --> 00:26:27,462
山姆,那太誇張了
但我知道我說軍演之類的

511
00:26:27,546 --> 00:26:28,922
很容易讓你聯想到那種情形

512
00:26:29,006 --> 00:26:30,174
我們現在要做的是

513
00:26:30,257 --> 00:26:32,176
你們有幾個人看過《芝麻街》

514
00:26:37,514 --> 00:26:40,309
-早啊,希金斯
-早,等我一下

515
00:26:40,392 --> 00:26:42,352
好,很好,躺好,好

516
00:26:43,270 --> 00:26:45,564
好,等一下,讓我就定位

517
00:26:45,647 --> 00:26:47,524
好,開始了,來吧

518
00:26:47,608 --> 00:26:51,987
(老闆好!)

519
00:26:53,030 --> 00:26:54,031
泰德,你好

520
00:26:54,615 --> 00:26:55,657
我聽不到

521
00:26:57,492 --> 00:26:59,203
你好!

522
00:26:59,286 --> 00:27:01,038
好!

523
00:27:01,121 --> 00:27:02,706
我們感覺到了,她也感覺到了!

524
00:27:02,789 --> 00:27:05,292
這就對了,太好了!

525
00:27:06,502 --> 00:27:08,170
我太快起身了

526
00:27:09,213 --> 00:27:12,132
昨天泰德讓魯柏大出洋相

527
00:27:12,925 --> 00:27:13,926
太好了

528
00:27:14,927 --> 00:27:15,928
有個壞消息

529
00:27:16,011 --> 00:27:21,016
我們本季決賽還有一萬個位子尚未售出

530
00:27:21,099 --> 00:27:22,476
開放給客場球迷

531
00:27:23,644 --> 00:27:26,855
但芮貝卡,票會被曼城隊球迷搶光的

532
00:27:26,939 --> 00:27:30,108
我們的主場會擠滿了藍衫軍

533
00:27:30,943 --> 00:27:32,361
那會讓魯柏氣死的

534
00:27:32,444 --> 00:27:36,281
那會破壞我們的獲勝機會
我們已經要被降級了

535
00:27:36,365 --> 00:27:37,783
希金斯,照我說的做

536
00:27:39,743 --> 00:27:41,954
去妳的!

537
00:27:42,037 --> 00:27:43,205
你說什麼?

538
00:27:43,288 --> 00:27:44,540
我受夠了

539
00:27:45,791 --> 00:27:49,920
不斷懲罰魯柏不會讓妳的痛苦消失

540
00:27:50,003 --> 00:27:52,214
當你跟我共進午餐
好讓魯柏在我們家偷腥時

541
00:27:52,297 --> 00:27:53,841
你這些道德感到哪去了?

542
00:27:55,217 --> 00:27:56,677
我還以為我們是朋友

543
00:27:57,636 --> 00:28:01,473
你大可做對的事,但你卻從來沒做過

544
00:28:01,557 --> 00:28:02,933
死孬種

545
00:28:03,725 --> 00:28:07,938
妳說得對,我是該背負那種罪名

546
00:28:08,021 --> 00:28:13,443
我應該更加勇敢的,我真的很抱歉

547
00:28:13,527 --> 00:28:17,239
但我現在要請妳住手

548
00:28:17,322 --> 00:28:18,615
否則怎樣?

549
00:28:19,741 --> 00:28:20,742
我不幹了

550
00:28:22,119 --> 00:28:23,662
我知道接下來會怎樣

551
00:28:24,204 --> 00:28:27,082
你會回來求我給你工作,我會重新接納你

552
00:28:27,165 --> 00:28:30,085
但我會讓你的生活稍微難過些

553
00:28:40,179 --> 00:28:41,430
是妳

554
00:28:44,099 --> 00:28:45,893
是妳安排狗仔偷拍這照片的

555
00:28:45,976 --> 00:28:48,520
是我跟羅伊在狗仔的相機記憶卡中發現的

556
00:28:48,604 --> 00:28:50,439
他說是妳雇用他的

557
00:28:50,522 --> 00:28:53,192
別否認或假裝不知情

558
00:28:55,027 --> 00:28:57,404
要是妳不跟泰德坦白的話
我就幫妳跟他說

559
00:29:34,399 --> 00:29:36,401
字幕翻譯:Wanyin Tsai