1 00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:24,858 -Hey, babe. -Hi, babe. 2 00:00:32,241 --> 00:00:33,450 Morning. 3 00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:34,535 Morning. 4 00:00:40,249 --> 00:00:41,291 Hey. 5 00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:42,376 Hey. 6 00:00:53,178 --> 00:00:54,388 -Bye. -Bye. 7 00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:03,397 Oi! You're not going to your office? 8 00:01:04,772 --> 00:01:09,278 No. I was just gonna go to the café and get a cup of tea first. 9 00:01:09,361 --> 00:01:10,529 Cool. 10 00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:12,906 Can I come? 11 00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,033 Yeah, course. 12 00:01:15,117 --> 00:01:16,118 Sweet. 13 00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:41,435 That's right. 14 00:01:41,518 --> 00:01:45,647 Make another useless policy you're gonna backtrack on in a week. Idiots. 15 00:01:45,731 --> 00:01:47,733 Talking to the newspapers again, sweetheart? 16 00:01:48,317 --> 00:01:49,943 Let me know if they ever talk back. 17 00:01:51,528 --> 00:01:53,322 Hello, hello. Hey, Mom. 18 00:01:53,405 --> 00:01:55,324 -Hi, darling. -Got you these. There you go. 19 00:01:55,824 --> 00:01:57,451 Thank you. What's the occasion? 20 00:01:57,534 --> 00:01:59,745 Nothing. You know, just an ordinary day. 21 00:02:01,872 --> 00:02:02,873 Hey. 22 00:02:04,333 --> 00:02:05,334 Look at that. 23 00:02:07,753 --> 00:02:09,003 That's a good one, that. 24 00:02:14,510 --> 00:02:15,511 Hey, Dad. 25 00:02:15,594 --> 00:02:16,845 Nathan. 26 00:02:25,270 --> 00:02:26,438 Would you look at that. 27 00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:30,526 They'll let anyone in the newspapers nowadays, won't they? 28 00:02:32,778 --> 00:02:35,572 They say humility is not thinking less of yourself 29 00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:37,783 but thinking about yourself less. 30 00:02:39,243 --> 00:02:41,870 My little boy wonder. 31 00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:44,873 Yeah, sorry, Mom, but it's Wonder Kid. 32 00:02:44,957 --> 00:02:49,086 Wunderkind, actually, is what I think I said. 33 00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:52,214 But I just… didn't… 34 00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:26,498 -Hey, Doc. -Hi, Ted. Come in. 35 00:03:26,582 --> 00:03:29,209 Yeah, okay. I wanted to thank you again 36 00:03:29,293 --> 00:03:31,962 for helping me out with that little hiccup the other night. 37 00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:35,591 I'm actually feeling better, so I don't know if this is necessary, really. 38 00:03:35,674 --> 00:03:37,176 Make yourself comfortable. 39 00:03:38,010 --> 00:03:39,011 Okay. 40 00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:42,848 Let me sit. I can sit here. 41 00:03:44,308 --> 00:03:45,517 It's noisy. 42 00:03:46,268 --> 00:03:49,104 Yes. You know what? Hey, I'll, you know, go on the couch. 43 00:03:49,188 --> 00:03:50,564 Here we go. How about that? 44 00:03:51,648 --> 00:03:53,192 Hey, who am I? 45 00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:55,235 Don Draper, right? 46 00:03:56,612 --> 00:04:00,324 Yeah. Isn't that a little formal? I don't wanna put my shoes on there. 47 00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:03,202 You know what? I'll lay down, right? Here we go. 48 00:04:03,285 --> 00:04:07,456 I'll just pop my feet up here. Like this, you know? 49 00:04:07,539 --> 00:04:10,584 Like a couple kids on their top bunk on camp-- 50 00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:12,669 I don't know what to do with my arm. It feels… 51 00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:15,506 Here. Here we go. This is what we'll do. 52 00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:19,801 We'll go just classic, how you see, like, in New Yorker cartoons. 53 00:04:19,885 --> 00:04:21,512 Right? Know what? 54 00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:24,598 I'll put this under here to help even out my spine. 55 00:04:24,681 --> 00:04:26,850 Then-- Yeah, that feels nice. Okay. 56 00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:29,811 Now, what do I do here? Do I just-- No, that's like… 57 00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:34,816 Like I'm going down a water slide or something like that. Like a luge. 58 00:04:35,734 --> 00:04:38,737 That's a little too "casket-y," isn't it? Okay. 59 00:04:38,820 --> 00:04:40,697 How about-- Here, let's do this. 60 00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,075 All right, how's this? This good? 61 00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:45,619 Probably sitting is best. 62 00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:49,206 Sure. That's good. Okay. 63 00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:51,041 All right. 64 00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:56,171 Yeah, there we go. There you are. 65 00:04:57,339 --> 00:05:00,300 Quite intimate here, you know? Close. Close quarters. 66 00:05:00,384 --> 00:05:03,053 It's like we're on a episode of The Sopranos, 67 00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:06,139 without all the gratuitous violence, which is a good thing. 68 00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:09,142 But a lot less spaghetti and clams too, which is a bad thing. 69 00:05:09,226 --> 00:05:10,227 So… 70 00:05:10,853 --> 00:05:14,064 Hey, who's this guy? What's his story? 71 00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:16,984 You good, buddy? Yeah? Okay, good. 72 00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:22,155 Very agreeable fella, you know? Just doin' his thing. 73 00:05:22,239 --> 00:05:25,075 -You got tissues over there, huh? -Yes, tissues. 74 00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:26,785 Yeah. What are those for? 75 00:05:26,869 --> 00:05:29,371 Sometimes it gets a bit emotional in here. 76 00:05:30,873 --> 00:05:33,625 -Not always, but sometimes. -Yep, yep, yep. 77 00:05:33,709 --> 00:05:35,294 Sometimes people just sneeze. 78 00:05:35,377 --> 00:05:37,754 Yeah. Yeah, they do. Well, we both agree with you. 79 00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:42,384 Yeah. Yeah, my hay fever's been pretty good over here. 80 00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:45,512 Must be a low pollen count in the UK, so… 81 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:51,935 Okay. All right. Well, when do we start? 82 00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:53,770 We've already started. 83 00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:58,442 -We started when you entered in here. -What? Shoot! 84 00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:01,528 Well, I'm sorry. I feel like I've wasted a bunch of time already, 85 00:06:01,612 --> 00:06:05,282 with all of the couch shenanigans and noticing your accoutrements. 86 00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:06,909 -It's-- -Ted. 87 00:06:06,992 --> 00:06:07,993 Yeah? 88 00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:10,078 Don't worry. 89 00:06:12,581 --> 00:06:14,583 Yeah. No, of course. I'm not worried at all. 90 00:06:14,666 --> 00:06:15,667 Yeah. 91 00:06:18,170 --> 00:06:19,171 Okay. 92 00:06:36,230 --> 00:06:38,232 What-- I mean, what do you wanna talk about? 93 00:06:39,274 --> 00:06:42,152 Why don't you tell me what happened the other night? 94 00:06:42,236 --> 00:06:43,654 Yeah. I don't wanna do this. 95 00:06:59,837 --> 00:07:02,840 All right, come on! Come here, come here, come here, come here. 96 00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:03,924 All right, fellas. 97 00:07:04,007 --> 00:07:07,553 Look, there are two things you can't ever let the other team know, all right? 98 00:07:07,636 --> 00:07:09,763 The first one's your home address. Mark my words. 99 00:07:09,847 --> 00:07:13,475 You'll start having food deliveries and SWAT teams showing up 24-7, 100 00:07:13,559 --> 00:07:15,102 which is nuts, 'cause in my day, 101 00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:17,312 all we had to worry about was crank phone calls. 102 00:07:17,396 --> 00:07:21,233 Then, with the advent of caller ID, that joy got 86'd from the prank menu, 103 00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:24,444 which is a darn shame, 'cause the Jerky Boys were a national treasure. 104 00:07:24,528 --> 00:07:26,238 Y'all should give them a google sometime. 105 00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:28,031 But I digress. 106 00:07:28,115 --> 00:07:31,451 The second thing that you don't want your opponent to know is that you're tired. 107 00:07:31,535 --> 00:07:34,079 Okay, look, I know y'all are exhausted. I get it. 108 00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:35,789 But I don't want you to show it. 109 00:07:35,873 --> 00:07:38,750 I don't wanna see y'all walking around with your tired faces, all… 110 00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:45,841 Okay? Just huffing and puffing around the pitch. Uh-uh. No, thank you. 111 00:07:45,924 --> 00:07:47,676 The only face I wanna see from y'all is, what, Coach? 112 00:07:47,759 --> 00:07:50,596 -Game face, baby! -Darn tootin', Vladimir Putin. Right. 113 00:07:50,679 --> 00:07:52,806 -Y'all feel me? -Yes, Coach! 114 00:07:52,890 --> 00:07:54,683 Good. Okay, good. Now, hop up there. 115 00:07:54,766 --> 00:07:58,395 Okay. Offense, y'all gonna stick around here with Coach Nate and Beard. 116 00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:00,397 Defense, you're coming with me and Roy. On the hop. 117 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:01,690 Move it! 118 00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:06,737 Okay. Right. 119 00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:09,573 Coach Nate, I hope you're not too great to train us now. 120 00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:11,325 Thank you, Dani. Thank you. 121 00:08:11,408 --> 00:08:13,785 Those drills better be lit. You've got a reputation to keep up. 122 00:08:13,869 --> 00:08:16,371 Yes, very funny. Thank you, Jamie. 123 00:08:16,455 --> 00:08:19,249 Lucky us. We get to be trained by the Wonder Kid himself. 124 00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:21,210 Big man. 125 00:08:21,293 --> 00:08:24,671 Very funny, Colin. You a stand-up comic now? 126 00:08:24,755 --> 00:08:27,799 Kind of ironic, 'cause I sat you down at the match the other day. 127 00:08:29,801 --> 00:08:33,013 Right. I need all our best goal scorers on the pitch right now. Go. 128 00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:37,267 Colin, Colin. You can sit this one out, okay? 129 00:08:41,938 --> 00:08:44,274 I am a strong and capable man. 130 00:08:44,358 --> 00:08:46,443 I am a strong and capable man. 131 00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:49,655 That's my mantra. 132 00:08:50,739 --> 00:08:51,907 Cool. 133 00:09:02,584 --> 00:09:04,378 Bro, it's been two days. Still nothing? 134 00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:06,296 -No. -Ouch, man. 135 00:09:06,380 --> 00:09:08,924 Sometimes three dots appear, but then they go away again. 136 00:09:09,591 --> 00:09:11,051 It's over, man. I've messed up. 137 00:09:11,134 --> 00:09:14,137 Don't be negative, amigo. There might be a good reason she hasn't replied. 138 00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:15,889 Yeah, maybe she got hit by a bus. 139 00:09:16,682 --> 00:09:18,267 Or a train? 140 00:09:18,350 --> 00:09:20,894 It's more likely she lost interest in the relationship. 141 00:09:20,978 --> 00:09:23,605 Maybe she went back and saw how lame these texts are. 142 00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:25,899 "My favorite film's Ratatouille." 143 00:09:25,983 --> 00:09:27,609 Hey, listen. Okay. 144 00:09:27,693 --> 00:09:29,862 It doesn't matter. I don't care if she doesn't-- 145 00:09:30,571 --> 00:09:31,613 Three dots. Three dots. 146 00:09:36,660 --> 00:09:37,953 That's a kick in the plums. 147 00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:39,204 Next time, man. 148 00:09:44,793 --> 00:09:47,212 Oh, my God. Just answer him. It's been two days. 149 00:09:47,296 --> 00:09:49,214 I don't know what to say. 150 00:09:49,298 --> 00:09:50,299 How about the truth? 151 00:09:51,550 --> 00:09:52,551 "I'd love to meet up, 152 00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:56,597 but I'm worried that you can't live up to the fantasy I've created in my head. 153 00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:58,682 So I'm going to let my insecurities 154 00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:02,186 keep me from possibly finding my one true love." 155 00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:07,191 His favorite film is Ratatouille. That's worrying, right? 156 00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:08,859 Meet him. 157 00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:11,320 Who fucking cares what his favorite movie is? 158 00:10:11,403 --> 00:10:14,031 Also, Ratatouille is a goddamn masterpiece. 159 00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:17,534 Ironically, it's about snobbery and how good art can come from anywhere. 160 00:10:17,618 --> 00:10:19,703 Stop your dithering and go fuck your cartoon rat. 161 00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:22,623 All right. Well, what if we meet up and it all goes wrong? 162 00:10:24,374 --> 00:10:28,045 I mean, everything always goes wrong. All relationships are a nightmare. 163 00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:32,132 My relationship is the oxygen that gives me life. 164 00:10:32,216 --> 00:10:35,844 Apart from Leslie's marriage, which is a bloody greeting card of some kind. 165 00:10:37,012 --> 00:10:40,849 And you and Roy are just aggravatingly perfect in every way. 166 00:10:41,934 --> 00:10:42,935 Thank you. 167 00:10:45,020 --> 00:10:46,104 I don't know. 168 00:10:47,105 --> 00:10:49,399 It was definitely easier when we didn't work together. 169 00:10:50,108 --> 00:10:52,778 I just feel like we're around each other all the time. 170 00:10:52,861 --> 00:10:55,822 Wherever I go, he's my shadow. My adorably hairy shadow, but-- 171 00:11:00,744 --> 00:11:03,288 What's going on? Why are you jazz scatting? 172 00:11:05,541 --> 00:11:06,750 Were you talking about me? 173 00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:08,752 -Yeah, we were talking about you. -No. 174 00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:19,304 -Big whoop. You ready to go? -Yeah. 175 00:11:20,764 --> 00:11:22,307 Answer him. 176 00:11:23,225 --> 00:11:25,310 -Bye. -Bye. 177 00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:30,691 Two, three, four. 178 00:11:41,660 --> 00:11:43,912 -Hello. -Hello. 179 00:11:43,996 --> 00:11:46,331 -You nearly done? -God, no. 180 00:11:46,415 --> 00:11:48,750 To-do list's as long as my arm. 181 00:11:48,834 --> 00:11:51,295 What? This arm? 182 00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:56,758 Maybe. 183 00:11:57,843 --> 00:11:59,219 Oi, that's not helping me. 184 00:12:00,137 --> 00:12:02,306 All right. I'll give you your arm back. 185 00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:03,515 Thank you. 186 00:12:03,599 --> 00:12:05,601 I'll take your neck. 187 00:12:12,649 --> 00:12:15,485 Seriously, I have got a lot of work to do. 188 00:12:15,569 --> 00:12:17,863 So if you're gonna be here, you need to go sit quietly on the couch 189 00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:19,281 and read your book, yeah? 190 00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:23,952 Thank you. 191 00:12:44,598 --> 00:12:46,099 That's not helping me either. 192 00:12:46,183 --> 00:12:50,020 What? I'm doing exactly what you said. I'm sitting quietly and reading my book. 193 00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:54,316 You doing exactly what I tell you to do is so fucking hot. 194 00:13:13,794 --> 00:13:16,046 -Hello, Ted. -What's up, Doc? 195 00:13:16,672 --> 00:13:18,215 I'm surprised you came back. 196 00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:19,925 Yeah, well, I don't quit things. 197 00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:32,563 -How are you, Ted? -I'm swell, as well as fine and dandy. 198 00:13:32,646 --> 00:13:34,481 -How about you, Doc? -I'm well. 199 00:13:34,565 --> 00:13:35,566 Glad to hear it. 200 00:13:37,067 --> 00:13:39,528 So, is this your first time doing therapy? 201 00:13:39,611 --> 00:13:43,240 No, ma'am. My wife and I did couple's therapy for a little while. 202 00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:45,450 How was that? 203 00:13:45,534 --> 00:13:46,827 Well, let's see. 204 00:13:47,411 --> 00:13:50,038 I'm here in London, and my wife is back in Kansas, 205 00:13:50,122 --> 00:13:53,083 which is a good thing 'cause if she heard me referring to her as my wife still, 206 00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:54,585 she'd be hopping mad. 207 00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:56,962 How long these little chats you do take? 208 00:13:57,045 --> 00:13:59,381 Sessions typically last 50 minutes. 209 00:13:59,464 --> 00:14:01,925 Okay. But you charge by the hour, right? 210 00:14:02,009 --> 00:14:03,385 That's correct. 211 00:14:09,141 --> 00:14:11,351 I take it you're not a fan of this kind of work? 212 00:14:11,435 --> 00:14:12,728 No, ma'am. 213 00:14:12,811 --> 00:14:14,104 Why's that, do you think? 214 00:14:14,813 --> 00:14:15,856 You want the truth? 215 00:14:15,939 --> 00:14:18,525 I'm only interested in the truth, Ted. 216 00:14:20,861 --> 00:14:22,154 'Cause I think it's bullshit. 217 00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:26,992 You don't know me. We don't have history. 218 00:14:27,075 --> 00:14:29,036 And yet you just expect me to spill my guts 219 00:14:29,119 --> 00:14:31,455 about all the gory details of my life. 220 00:14:32,039 --> 00:14:34,875 The fights, the mistakes, my deep dark secrets. 221 00:14:35,501 --> 00:14:37,920 But you ain't listening 'cause you care about me. 222 00:14:38,003 --> 00:14:42,174 No. No, you're only listening to me 'cause you're paid to listen to me. 223 00:14:43,634 --> 00:14:47,387 You're getting paid to just jot down your little notes and diagnose my tears. 224 00:14:47,471 --> 00:14:49,932 And then what? Probably just blame it on my folks, right? 225 00:14:50,849 --> 00:14:53,602 I mean, you say you're only interested in the truth. 226 00:14:53,685 --> 00:14:56,939 And yet here you are, charging an hourly rate for only 50 minutes of work. 227 00:14:57,022 --> 00:14:58,273 Like I said, it's bullshit. 228 00:15:14,456 --> 00:15:15,791 -Hey. -Nathan. 229 00:15:20,170 --> 00:15:21,380 Oh, my God. 230 00:15:21,463 --> 00:15:22,798 -Sorry. -Sorry, Sam. 231 00:15:22,881 --> 00:15:24,174 Ms. Welton. Hi. 232 00:15:24,258 --> 00:15:26,426 -Call me Rebecca. -Rebecca. Rebecca, sorry. 233 00:15:27,344 --> 00:15:28,387 These machines, huh? 234 00:15:28,470 --> 00:15:31,265 We've never been so connected, yet never further apart. 235 00:15:34,643 --> 00:15:36,270 Is that what you were gonna say? 236 00:15:37,062 --> 00:15:39,147 Yes. Yes, it was. 237 00:15:41,775 --> 00:15:44,403 -All right. Have a good day. -Right. I'll see you later. 238 00:15:44,486 --> 00:15:46,446 -You too. Bye. -See you, Sam. 239 00:15:48,657 --> 00:15:49,658 Yes. 240 00:15:55,539 --> 00:15:58,542 Hello. Your new pens have arrived. 241 00:16:06,758 --> 00:16:08,260 I'll just leave 'em here. 242 00:16:08,343 --> 00:16:09,344 Yeah, all right. 243 00:16:10,053 --> 00:16:11,180 'Kay. 244 00:16:11,263 --> 00:16:12,556 Sorry. Didn't see you there, Colin. 245 00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:13,640 It's the camouflage. 246 00:16:15,559 --> 00:16:18,270 Nate, wonder if I could have a quick word? 247 00:16:18,353 --> 00:16:19,646 Yeah, go for it. 248 00:16:22,399 --> 00:16:26,069 I just wondered-- Well, I was wondering if I'd done anything to annoy you. 249 00:16:33,702 --> 00:16:37,331 It's just because I felt like you got angry at me for taking the piss yesterday, 250 00:16:37,414 --> 00:16:40,709 but Dani and Jamie did the same thing, and you didn't get mad at them. 251 00:16:40,792 --> 00:16:44,129 Yeah, I can-- Yeah. No, I can explain that. 252 00:16:44,213 --> 00:16:50,552 You see, Jamie and Dani are like Picasso and Gauguin. 253 00:16:50,636 --> 00:16:51,762 Pedophiles? 254 00:16:52,346 --> 00:16:55,015 Artists. They're artists. 255 00:16:55,098 --> 00:17:00,145 And, Colin, you paint too, but your work doesn't end up in museums. 256 00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:02,105 It hangs at-- 257 00:17:03,774 --> 00:17:06,276 Well, you're like a painting at a Holiday Inn, you know? 258 00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:10,071 You don't inspire. You don't move people. 259 00:17:11,323 --> 00:17:14,367 You're there. You cover a bloodstain. 260 00:17:15,577 --> 00:17:19,289 You do the job, so… just do the job. 261 00:17:21,415 --> 00:17:22,416 All right? 262 00:17:58,579 --> 00:17:59,663 It's you. 263 00:18:00,497 --> 00:18:01,498 Hi. 264 00:18:01,582 --> 00:18:03,083 Hey, I thought you quit smoking. 265 00:18:03,166 --> 00:18:06,086 What? I have. This is just covering up the smell of the boots. 266 00:18:06,170 --> 00:18:07,004 That's smart. 267 00:18:08,922 --> 00:18:10,007 Then why you in here? 268 00:18:10,591 --> 00:18:11,800 I just needed some space. 269 00:18:15,137 --> 00:18:16,763 I knew you'd be in here. 270 00:18:18,140 --> 00:18:21,727 This is the room where Keeley and I decided that smoking doesn't count. 271 00:18:25,272 --> 00:18:26,648 Busted. 272 00:18:26,732 --> 00:18:29,276 -I did also need some space. -Space from what? 273 00:18:29,359 --> 00:18:31,904 Roy. He's sitting in my office reading Da Vinci Code. 274 00:18:32,487 --> 00:18:35,115 He keeps muttering on about the Knights Templar. 275 00:18:40,037 --> 00:18:44,458 Sorry, I just came to the boot room to get some… boots. 276 00:18:46,627 --> 00:18:47,711 Knock yourself out. 277 00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:49,213 Thank you. 278 00:18:49,296 --> 00:18:52,508 Look, I think Roy is the cat's pajamas. I do. You know that. 279 00:18:52,591 --> 00:18:55,260 It's just sometimes I need a moment to myself, you know? 280 00:18:55,344 --> 00:18:58,430 Keeley, stop auditioning your complaints. 281 00:18:58,514 --> 00:19:00,098 Right. Thank you. 282 00:19:02,184 --> 00:19:04,770 Just tell the person who can actually do something about it. 283 00:19:04,853 --> 00:19:07,689 Well, I don't know, boss. Sometimes it's good to bottle things up. 284 00:19:07,773 --> 00:19:09,441 That's how we get, you know, pickles. 285 00:19:10,025 --> 00:19:12,277 -And vodka. -Extra virgin olive oil. 286 00:19:12,361 --> 00:19:14,196 -And messages. -What? 287 00:19:14,780 --> 00:19:16,448 -In bottles. -Right. 288 00:19:16,532 --> 00:19:18,784 Oi, Will, do you think you could take me name off me shirt 289 00:19:18,867 --> 00:19:20,619 and then put it back on but bigger? 290 00:19:23,038 --> 00:19:24,206 The fuck? 291 00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:26,625 -They're talking about Roy. -What? 292 00:19:26,708 --> 00:19:28,627 -Sorry. -Grumpy old twat. 293 00:19:28,710 --> 00:19:30,170 I agree with the grumpy part, 294 00:19:30,254 --> 00:19:31,755 but the other two words I take umbrage with. 295 00:19:31,839 --> 00:19:34,091 Roy is none of those things. He's perfect. 296 00:19:34,174 --> 00:19:36,927 And I should know because I spend every minute of every second 297 00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:39,096 of every hour of every day with him, all right? 298 00:19:39,179 --> 00:19:41,640 Right, just tell him that you-- 299 00:19:43,100 --> 00:19:44,101 Hi, babe. 300 00:19:44,768 --> 00:19:45,894 You talking about me? 301 00:19:45,978 --> 00:19:48,063 -Yes. -Definitely. 302 00:19:49,481 --> 00:19:51,108 -Ready to go? -Yeah. 303 00:19:52,734 --> 00:19:54,027 -Bye. -Bye. 304 00:19:56,113 --> 00:19:57,322 Adios, muchachos. 305 00:19:57,406 --> 00:19:59,032 -How you doing? -Hey. 306 00:19:59,116 --> 00:20:01,994 The Knights Templar business is fucking with my head. 307 00:20:06,123 --> 00:20:08,250 Because your shit is lying around. 308 00:20:08,333 --> 00:20:10,252 You got more shit lying around than I got. 309 00:20:10,335 --> 00:20:14,798 What? Look at this place! It's loaded with your shit. Just-- 310 00:20:14,882 --> 00:20:17,092 Just look at this bathroom! Look at all your shit… 311 00:20:17,176 --> 00:20:18,177 What's up? 312 00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:20,804 -What's up? -What's going on? 313 00:20:20,888 --> 00:20:22,472 I'm just watching Sex and the City. 314 00:20:23,307 --> 00:20:25,475 What are you, a crazy bag man? 315 00:20:25,559 --> 00:20:26,768 They're different smells. 316 00:20:27,561 --> 00:20:29,438 Well, enjoy. I'm gonna read. 317 00:20:29,521 --> 00:20:30,606 Cool. 318 00:20:32,691 --> 00:20:35,360 Wait a minute. You use Rogaine? I didn't know you needed-- 319 00:20:35,444 --> 00:20:37,070 It's preventative. 320 00:20:37,154 --> 00:20:39,865 -Is your hair falling out? -I don't wanna talk about it! 321 00:20:39,948 --> 00:20:43,493 It seems it's not only women who have secret single behavior. 322 00:20:43,577 --> 00:20:46,246 This is my stuff! Don't be going through my stuff. 323 00:20:46,330 --> 00:20:48,290 You were more than happy to go through my stuff. 324 00:20:48,373 --> 00:20:50,250 No way. 325 00:20:53,337 --> 00:20:58,091 I don't ''always do'' anything. And I have let you in. 326 00:20:58,926 --> 00:21:01,345 You can't put it down 'cause the chapters are so short. 327 00:21:01,428 --> 00:21:03,096 Shut up. 328 00:21:03,180 --> 00:21:05,807 -Shut up? -Yes. Shut up. 329 00:21:05,891 --> 00:21:07,559 You're telling me to shut up? 330 00:21:07,643 --> 00:21:08,644 Oh, my God. 331 00:21:08,727 --> 00:21:10,437 Please, just shut up! 332 00:21:10,521 --> 00:21:13,106 This geezer wears like a spiked belt around his thigh-- 333 00:21:13,190 --> 00:21:14,358 Fucking hell, Roy! 334 00:21:15,567 --> 00:21:17,486 What? Do you want me to read it to you? 335 00:21:17,569 --> 00:21:20,656 No. I-- No, I just wanna watch my TV show, 336 00:21:20,739 --> 00:21:23,283 and you're rucking ruining it for me! 337 00:21:24,785 --> 00:21:28,288 I just need some time without you reading or turning me on 338 00:21:28,372 --> 00:21:31,250 or just fucking being there all the time! 339 00:21:32,501 --> 00:21:34,002 You don't want me to turn you on? 340 00:21:34,086 --> 00:21:38,006 No! I-- Yes, I do, sometimes. Just not all the time. 341 00:21:38,590 --> 00:21:41,051 Sometimes I need to be by myself. 342 00:21:45,931 --> 00:21:48,559 Wait, is this what you've been talking to everyone about? 343 00:21:48,642 --> 00:21:50,936 Yeah. But you don't care. 344 00:21:51,019 --> 00:21:53,021 I didn't when I thought it was the usual stuff 345 00:21:53,105 --> 00:21:55,315 like gossip or how much hair I leave in the drain. 346 00:21:56,066 --> 00:21:57,484 It is a lot of fucking hair. 347 00:21:57,568 --> 00:21:59,695 You've been making out to everyone like I'm following you around 348 00:21:59,778 --> 00:22:02,823 like a needy, clingy fucking fridge magnet. 349 00:22:05,075 --> 00:22:07,077 I'm an idiot. 350 00:22:07,911 --> 00:22:09,413 Fuck this! 351 00:22:22,926 --> 00:22:23,927 Shit. 352 00:22:28,390 --> 00:22:31,310 And surprise hero of the week, assistant coach Nate Shelley 353 00:22:31,393 --> 00:22:34,104 with a heroically ballsy late-in-the-game strategy 354 00:22:34,188 --> 00:22:35,606 that put Richmond into the semis. 355 00:22:35,689 --> 00:22:36,940 We can all agree, 356 00:22:37,024 --> 00:22:39,860 the Wonder Kid should be managing his own team. 357 00:22:39,943 --> 00:22:43,488 Savage instincts, and if I may say, an excellent serve-- 358 00:22:43,572 --> 00:22:45,449 God. Wow. 359 00:22:47,201 --> 00:22:48,493 It's you. Sorry. 360 00:22:49,286 --> 00:22:50,704 You were rude to Colin. 361 00:22:52,247 --> 00:22:54,625 Not just rude. It was personal and weird. 362 00:22:57,961 --> 00:22:59,755 No, you're absolutely right… 363 00:23:00,589 --> 00:23:01,590 Did you tell Ted? 364 00:23:01,673 --> 00:23:04,176 No. This is just between me and you. 365 00:23:04,259 --> 00:23:05,427 Okay. 366 00:23:05,511 --> 00:23:06,595 Do better. 367 00:23:07,429 --> 00:23:08,722 The door is behind you. 368 00:23:11,308 --> 00:23:12,559 Yeah. 369 00:23:14,436 --> 00:23:15,562 Wait, this is my-- 370 00:23:37,626 --> 00:23:38,669 Hi. 371 00:23:46,134 --> 00:23:48,929 I had porridge for breakfast. Thanks for asking. 372 00:23:49,012 --> 00:23:51,723 "How was it?" That's a great follow-up question, babe. 373 00:23:52,808 --> 00:23:54,935 It was too hot and, honestly, it was too thick, 374 00:23:55,018 --> 00:23:58,313 so burnt my tongue on it and I almost choked to death. 375 00:23:58,397 --> 00:24:00,023 Not a good morning so far. 376 00:24:02,568 --> 00:24:03,861 Hello, Ted. 377 00:24:06,071 --> 00:24:07,239 I thought you'd be back. 378 00:24:08,490 --> 00:24:10,492 Really? Why's that? 379 00:24:10,576 --> 00:24:11,994 You said you never quit. 380 00:24:32,556 --> 00:24:34,433 Can I be honest with you about something? 381 00:24:34,516 --> 00:24:36,018 What? I got a boogie in my 'stache? 382 00:24:38,061 --> 00:24:39,855 No-- I'm kidding. Sorry, go ahead. 383 00:24:39,938 --> 00:24:43,984 I was quite offended by what you said about my profession… 384 00:24:46,236 --> 00:24:48,155 that just 'cause a therapist is being paid, 385 00:24:48,238 --> 00:24:49,698 they don't actually care. 386 00:24:50,574 --> 00:24:52,868 Let me ask you something. Would you coach for free? 387 00:24:53,952 --> 00:24:55,037 Yeah, I would. 388 00:24:55,120 --> 00:24:56,455 But do you? 389 00:24:57,122 --> 00:24:58,207 No, ma'am. 390 00:24:58,290 --> 00:25:00,375 And yet you care about your players, right? 391 00:25:00,459 --> 00:25:01,835 Yes, ma'am. 392 00:25:01,919 --> 00:25:04,171 Then why would you assume it's not the same for me? 393 00:25:05,297 --> 00:25:08,050 I don't assume that all coaches are macho dickheads. 394 00:25:11,011 --> 00:25:12,095 It's a good point. 395 00:25:13,639 --> 00:25:15,390 Consider me dunked on. 396 00:25:17,518 --> 00:25:20,437 And look, I'm really sorry about that, you know. 397 00:25:20,521 --> 00:25:23,565 Getting all worked up and saying stuff like that, then storming outta here. 398 00:25:23,649 --> 00:25:25,150 It happens. 399 00:25:25,776 --> 00:25:27,569 Self-care can be scary. 400 00:25:28,570 --> 00:25:32,407 Fight or flight is a natural response. You just happened to do both. 401 00:25:32,491 --> 00:25:33,742 Impressive range really. 402 00:25:34,451 --> 00:25:36,745 Yeah, well, watch your back, Glenn Close. 403 00:25:42,835 --> 00:25:44,503 So you think I'm scared, huh? 404 00:25:44,586 --> 00:25:46,088 Yes, I do. 405 00:25:47,047 --> 00:25:48,090 Yeah. 406 00:25:48,715 --> 00:25:50,634 Maybe I don't wanna learn the truth. 407 00:25:51,844 --> 00:25:55,097 Ted, the truth will set you free. 408 00:25:55,931 --> 00:25:57,808 But first, it'll piss you off. 409 00:26:01,144 --> 00:26:03,856 Well, then maybe your new nickname should be "The Truth." 410 00:26:06,108 --> 00:26:09,152 Well, I can't be your mentor without occasionally being your tormentor. 411 00:26:09,236 --> 00:26:10,654 I like that. 412 00:26:10,737 --> 00:26:12,030 I knew you would. 413 00:26:13,907 --> 00:26:15,617 Let's get started, shall we? 414 00:26:16,410 --> 00:26:17,411 Yes, ma'am. 415 00:26:32,593 --> 00:26:35,262 That's right, gentlemen. Big deep breaths while you stretch. 416 00:26:35,345 --> 00:26:37,890 You wanna get that sweet O2 all the way down to your prostate. 417 00:26:37,973 --> 00:26:40,225 And, hey, remember to focus on the here and now. 418 00:26:40,309 --> 00:26:43,312 Living in the moment, it's a gift. That's why they call it the present. 419 00:26:43,395 --> 00:26:44,646 Yes. 420 00:26:44,730 --> 00:26:47,357 Okay, before we get started, Coach Nate, you wanted to say something? 421 00:26:47,441 --> 00:26:49,902 -Yes, please. Thank you, Ted. -Have at it, Jessica Rabbit. 422 00:26:49,985 --> 00:26:52,404 Yeah. Oi… thank you-- 423 00:26:53,363 --> 00:26:55,574 I just wanted, before we started, just to… 424 00:26:57,367 --> 00:26:59,578 well, basically, I just wanted to make an apology. 425 00:27:00,412 --> 00:27:01,872 Colin, 426 00:27:02,372 --> 00:27:05,709 yesterday I was a bit of a, you know… 427 00:27:05,792 --> 00:27:07,294 -Asshole? -Prick? 428 00:27:07,377 --> 00:27:08,504 Cock? 429 00:27:08,587 --> 00:27:09,838 Wounded butterfly. 430 00:27:11,507 --> 00:27:14,259 Yes. I was a cocky, prickish, wounded butterfly's asshole… 431 00:27:16,178 --> 00:27:20,140 but I-- I really am sorry, and it won't happen again, so… 432 00:27:24,269 --> 00:27:26,271 -It's all good, boyo. -All right then. 433 00:27:27,689 --> 00:27:28,690 That's good. 434 00:27:28,774 --> 00:27:30,150 -All right. -Come here. 435 00:27:31,735 --> 00:27:33,820 -Okay. -Did I miss something? 436 00:27:34,488 --> 00:27:36,365 Okay. Yeah. All right. 437 00:27:36,448 --> 00:27:38,075 Anything I need to address? 438 00:27:40,494 --> 00:27:42,788 Well, like I always say, sometimes the best stew 439 00:27:42,871 --> 00:27:44,915 is the one you leave sitting on the stove overnight 440 00:27:44,998 --> 00:27:47,251 'cause you fell asleep watching Citizen Kane after too many beers. 441 00:27:47,334 --> 00:27:48,502 I know, Colin. I know. 442 00:27:49,127 --> 00:27:52,172 All right, fellas! Hey! So here's the plan today. 443 00:27:52,256 --> 00:27:53,757 Peas and carrots, you're going with Coach Roy. 444 00:27:53,841 --> 00:27:56,718 Rest of you beef chunks are coming with me. Let's go to work. 445 00:27:59,054 --> 00:28:00,264 What? 446 00:28:01,890 --> 00:28:03,767 Starters with Roy, reserves with Coach. 447 00:28:03,851 --> 00:28:05,102 Right. 448 00:28:05,185 --> 00:28:07,229 Just say that then. Do you know what I mean? 449 00:28:08,272 --> 00:28:10,065 Here Richard, Richard! Richard! 450 00:28:14,444 --> 00:28:15,696 Whistle! 451 00:28:17,114 --> 00:28:18,615 Oi! I said, "Whistle!" 452 00:28:18,699 --> 00:28:21,326 Roy, why don't you just use an actual whistle? 453 00:28:21,410 --> 00:28:24,413 I told you, my lips are sensitive to impure metals 454 00:28:24,496 --> 00:28:26,248 and whistles give me mouth hives. 455 00:28:26,331 --> 00:28:29,501 Jamie, what the fuck were you doing? 456 00:28:29,585 --> 00:28:33,547 Richard loses his man, gets into the box, and you run the other way? 457 00:28:34,298 --> 00:28:36,300 I was pulling my defender out of his path. 458 00:28:36,383 --> 00:28:37,551 He's your teammate. 459 00:28:37,634 --> 00:28:40,304 He needs you to come to the ball and support him. 460 00:28:40,387 --> 00:28:41,638 You all got that? 461 00:28:43,974 --> 00:28:47,769 Respectfully, Coach, that ain't what he needs from me. 462 00:28:47,853 --> 00:28:50,314 He needs me to give him space. 463 00:28:52,858 --> 00:28:53,901 What'd you say? 464 00:28:56,862 --> 00:29:00,115 The best thing I can do in that situation is give him space. 465 00:29:00,199 --> 00:29:01,617 He's right, actually. 466 00:29:01,700 --> 00:29:03,911 -Yeah, I know. I learned it from Pep. -He got it from "Cruijff". 467 00:29:03,994 --> 00:29:05,621 -Pronounced "Cruyff." -Okay, Englishman. 468 00:29:05,704 --> 00:29:09,082 Look, whatever. The point is that Richard doesn't need me to crowd him. 469 00:29:09,166 --> 00:29:10,292 And since he's me teammate, 470 00:29:10,375 --> 00:29:13,420 I should trust him to do what's best, right? 471 00:29:24,932 --> 00:29:26,141 Fuck! 472 00:29:31,688 --> 00:29:33,565 I didn't say nothing bad this time. 473 00:29:35,651 --> 00:29:36,985 There he is, there he is! 474 00:29:39,404 --> 00:29:41,281 Coach Nate, we have a gift for you. 475 00:29:41,365 --> 00:29:44,117 Yeah. Good thing you apologized, otherwise this would be awkward. 476 00:29:49,248 --> 00:29:50,499 "Wonder Kid." 477 00:29:50,582 --> 00:29:53,001 I mean, because of you saying that instead of "wunderkind," 478 00:29:53,085 --> 00:29:54,545 which is the proper pronunciation. 479 00:29:55,420 --> 00:29:57,422 -Wow. -It was Will's idea. 480 00:29:57,506 --> 00:29:58,841 Hey. 481 00:29:58,924 --> 00:30:00,300 Was it? 482 00:30:00,384 --> 00:30:03,178 Well, you know, it's a pretty awesome nickname, so cheers. 483 00:30:03,262 --> 00:30:04,763 Cheers. 484 00:30:04,847 --> 00:30:08,517 No, thank you. I mean, I did say wunderkind, but… 485 00:30:09,601 --> 00:30:11,270 But, Will, this is great. It's really funny. 486 00:30:11,353 --> 00:30:12,896 -It's good, man. -Thank you. 487 00:30:14,648 --> 00:30:15,649 Thank you. 488 00:30:20,237 --> 00:30:23,407 "If music be the food of love, play on. 489 00:30:23,490 --> 00:30:25,033 Give me excess of it." 490 00:30:25,701 --> 00:30:28,537 If that's your fancy way of asking if I want another one, you guessed right. 491 00:30:28,620 --> 00:30:29,621 Thought so. 492 00:30:29,705 --> 00:30:32,040 Bear with me. I'll be out in two seconds. Cheers. 493 00:30:33,417 --> 00:30:35,335 Of all the pub joints. 494 00:30:36,295 --> 00:30:39,131 Trent Crimm of the Independent. To what do I owe the pleasure? 495 00:30:39,214 --> 00:30:41,550 I was just having a bite to eat, you know? 496 00:30:41,633 --> 00:30:45,512 But as we're here, I would love to get an official statement 497 00:30:45,596 --> 00:30:47,931 about your early departure from the Spurs match. 498 00:30:49,683 --> 00:30:50,851 An official statement? 499 00:30:51,768 --> 00:30:53,687 Well, I thought folks knew I had food poisoning. 500 00:30:54,897 --> 00:30:55,856 Not from here. 501 00:30:58,483 --> 00:31:03,071 Yeah, yeah. They do. But I'd love a personal quote, if possible. 502 00:31:03,655 --> 00:31:05,741 Okay, well, I had food poisoning. 503 00:31:06,325 --> 00:31:08,160 And because I respect your readers so much, 504 00:31:08,243 --> 00:31:11,330 I'll leave out all the specific nastiness that occurred. 505 00:31:11,413 --> 00:31:13,248 -Yeah. -But I'm fit as a fiddle now. 506 00:31:13,332 --> 00:31:17,503 So you had food poisoning and you are fit as a fiddle now… 507 00:31:19,713 --> 00:31:21,882 Exactamundo, Dikembe Mutombo. 508 00:31:23,467 --> 00:31:24,885 Love our chats. 509 00:31:26,345 --> 00:31:27,763 Thank you, Mae. 510 00:31:27,846 --> 00:31:29,389 My pleasure, darling. 511 00:31:49,576 --> 00:31:50,827 Shit. 512 00:31:54,248 --> 00:31:55,415 Roy? 513 00:32:03,549 --> 00:32:04,550 Hi. 514 00:32:05,467 --> 00:32:06,510 Hi. 515 00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:09,847 Are you leaving? 516 00:32:10,806 --> 00:32:11,890 What? 517 00:32:12,850 --> 00:32:13,976 No. 518 00:32:24,862 --> 00:32:25,863 Hey, Siri. 519 00:32:26,655 --> 00:32:29,992 Play the "Roy is sorry for not understanding Keeley" playlist. 520 00:32:33,871 --> 00:32:36,164 I stole those roses from your neighbor's garden. 521 00:32:36,248 --> 00:32:37,958 Ripped them to shreds. 522 00:32:38,917 --> 00:32:39,877 And that… 523 00:32:41,170 --> 00:32:44,590 that's Phoebe's light, so I'm gonna have to give that back 524 00:32:44,673 --> 00:32:46,216 or I'm gonna get it in the neck. 525 00:32:49,511 --> 00:32:52,848 And that, that's a foot scrubber or something. 526 00:32:53,348 --> 00:32:55,893 The woman said it's good if you've got gross feet. 527 00:32:56,476 --> 00:32:58,812 What? You think I've got gross feet? 528 00:32:58,896 --> 00:33:03,734 Babe, I think you're the cat's pajamas, but your feet are a fucking state. 529 00:33:07,571 --> 00:33:09,239 But who am I to judge? 530 00:33:09,323 --> 00:33:11,825 I found so much of my hair down the drain, 531 00:33:12,409 --> 00:33:16,788 it looked like a rat had got trapped and fucking drowned. 532 00:33:26,924 --> 00:33:27,925 Oh, my God. 533 00:33:33,847 --> 00:33:39,603 Now, you are not gonna see or hear me for at least three hours. 534 00:33:48,612 --> 00:33:49,613 Thank you. 535 00:34:48,797 --> 00:34:51,382 If you ever do anything to humiliate me again, 536 00:34:51,466 --> 00:34:53,177 I'll make your life a fucking misery.